I'm Freaking Out. Someone help?

So, I run a tumblr trauma blog. Yup. Let's get past that cringe.

I was reading my about page, looking at the history I have written down.
Sexual abuse, bullying, etc. A general glimpse at my past.
Then I got to the abuse done by my father. I put the ages it happened around; 9-Present.

I do not remember being abused at 9 years old. But I do know it wasn't a mistake putting that nine there because I was doing it in chronological order.

I've forgotten even more of my childhood than I already have, and it's scaring me to death.
I'm just losing years and years of my childhood. I don't know how to make it stop or get them back.

Can anyone relate? Does anyone have any advice?

Hmm I'm the other way around. Since I was 46 it has been coming back and piece have been making sense. Stories, unlikely amazing stories you believed as a child you now know were just lies.

I think it will come back. It comes back triggered (not always in a bad way by little things). I think it may come back when you have less going on in your mind. I had stopped working long hours six day weeks and my life was becoming closer to normal. Less outside pressure.

Don't worry they are still there.

Anxiety tends to make me have severe memory problems. Like Terry said, chances are it'll come back to you a bit at a time when you're likely a bit more ready to deal with things.

I too have found that it is hard to recall certain past events. I was attempting to write my story and found it hard to fill in certain years, though I know for a fact things happened in between.

It does, unfortunately, come back; either seemingly triggered by seeing an emulation of that same event on movies or tv, or just randomly. Or at least it can for me. One time I was messing around on Google Earth and stumbled upon an old neighborhood where something I had forgotten happened. I remember now though. Vividly.

Do you really want to remember? I find that those sudden recall moments bring a drastic mood change and obsession with reliving it over and over to get all the details. Takes a while to compartmentalize it all again and return to a semblence of normalcy. If you need to remember, I can understand, but sometimes I wish I didn't. I wonder if maybe you would feel better if, after this initial fright, you could not either?

What has been happening a lot is understanding my memories. I knew what I was told and saw but what I was told was complete lies. Lies a child will easily accept. So sometimes I will see something or hear something and my mind will click to that event and I will go "ok, now I know what happened ".

It kind of never stops. Yeah writing it down also helps.