upset, crying, thinking of narc abuse

Right now it's the morning, and I wanted to "get moving" on things.

But my anxiety as a result of my horrific narc family hits me the most in the morning when I am home.

I have been in freaking therapy since I was 18. I am now 42. NO breaks in therapy. I have made great progress, no doubt, but the sting of the abuse is hitting me now more than ever. I am more free during the summer, only working a few days a week. In a few weeks I"ll be more "busy." Thank God.

I am also angry b/c I made an attempt to make friends the other night. Went to a meetup for bipolar. Since I have bipolar disorder. I am able to work full-time and go to school. But one of the people at the meetup group was telling me that's unrealistic given my disorder. I wanted to scream at her. Just b/c SHE couldn't work much, she was putting her s--t on me. She doesn't understand that work provides meaning and structure to my life.

Anyway....I want to "get moving" with all I have to do but I feel my FAMILY and former narc friends making fun of my every move! My every step. Even the way I sit right now. B/c I'm not wearing totally fashionable and expensive clothes. B/c my feet are on the chair instead of flat on the floor. B/c my posture is slumped. You know, like how a parent says "sit up straight." B/c my hair isn't fashionable.

BUT whenever I would perform to their standards all of a sudden they'd want to be around me and kiss my a--s. Then I get vulnerable and they ditch me. WHY????

i think its very disrespectful of that person to say that its unrealistic given your disorder.