18M have a bad habbit of urinating in bottles/cups. It seems

*Moderator trigger warning note: post contains some difficult pieces, please be aware that it may trigger*


It sounds revolting, hell it is revolting truth be told, but I urinate in cups or bottles that are in my room. I suppose it is from laziness in some aspects, I mean that would make the most sense but its actually more than that. This is really hard to discuss even over text so bare with me.
My relationship with my dad (I live with parents) is bad. He's not abusive, atleast not physically (he did used to belt us but I guess he has a right to) he is however a bully towards me, always has been. His room is next to the bathroom. If its late at night and he hears me walking (as he often does) he screams that I should be in bed, that I'm a freak for being up so late, keeping him up, I'd be creeping at this point. This as weird as it sounds makes me not want to leave the room. It sounds pathetic, to let him get to me like that, but he brings me down to the point here I want to kill myself. Thats not me being dramatic, I really want to. The only thing keeping me going is my girlfriend (Surprised I have one I'll bet) she doesn't know about the cup thing but her dad does it I know so I don't imagine she'd be too phased by it. She doesn't know the extent of how depressed I am, nobody does.
My father said tonight "He wishes I knew less people so he could drag me to the beach and drown me" has said multiple times today and most days that I'm a disappointment. That he had a second son to try and do things right. He and my younger brother are like two peas in a pod. If my dad died tomorrow I really think I'd be happy.
I stay in my room if my dad is home as I know that if he sees me I'll be broken down. He'll find something wrong, he'll know just what to say to break down to my core so I don't leave my room. Hence the pissing in bottles during the day. I want to avoid him so badly, not see him so badly, that I do something as wrong as that. Maybe I'm sick, probally am, but I don't know any more.
I tried to leave, got accepted for a scholarship and was gonna go to NYC as I feel the issue is because of my dad or at least centered around him. I know I'm at fault here, I'm broken, he says that he'll phone an asylum one of these days. That he'll strangle me in my sleep because of it but he's the reason I do it. I'm an adult more or less, 19 in three days, and I'm too scared to leave my room to face my dad.
Everything I've said so far, all the words, all the problems took place when he didn't know I did it. My mother got drunk tonight and came in my room. She's obviously been thinking about the issue. She broke in, found a bottle that I had emptied and then proceeded to throw the bin at me, push me to the floor. She used to be understanding about it, she didn't understand, but she tried. Now she's bitter and violent, I don't blame her.
Urininating has always been an issue, I still wet the bed. The reason for that one is a mystery. I actually stay up as late as I can to not sleep and hopefully avoid it, If I do wet the bed I can't take the sheets or cover down. My father always says "it costs so much to was them" that I'm "broken, pathetic, he's ashamed of me" so to avoid the arguemnts I don't take them down. I sleep in it. Then when its been a while he shouts at me for not taking it down.
I'm sick. My mum tells my little brother about the issue, he's 14. I hate to think what he thinks of me. I wish my dad was dead. I wish that he would just cease to exist. When he works away its not even an issue. My mother says he's a bully. She was going to leave him. I wish she did. My mother was going to help me pay for college but he talked her into getting a kitchen extention instead. He said I don't deserve it, I'm not smart enough to make it through and that they don't owe me a penny. He won't let me leave. Wants me to pay rent, pay for food I take from the fridge. Because of tonight I'm so close to ending things. If there was a magical button to kill yourself I'd have pressed it long ago.
What is wrong with me? please help. What do I do? Do I need to be put away like my dad says?

I am sorry you are going through this. It does not seem all that unusual to me because of your situation. I wish you could talk to a counselor or somebody for support. Is your gf supportive? Please don't hurt yourself, call a crisis line or something. You are going through a lot. Is there someone you trust you can move in with?