am i adopted? (babybowrain's Journal thread)

i know this is really weird...but i tihnk i might be adopted .my mother is american but she speaks russian...and i'm well...i'm russian. there's nothing special or incredible about me. i'm jsut a regular girl. not important to anyone. i've already given up on life. i'm so sad.

this is the most disgusting website i've ever seen. it makes me want to throw up. i don't know why. it's just so bright and cheery there must be something in there lurking that's wrong. also, i got a seizure fom watching pokemon. both are asian. >X I am angry. very angry. i do not want people watching this as cute as pikachu is. i threw out my pikachu piggy bank and left it by the garbage can hoping someone would get it. but no one did. also, i'm afraid of my mother. she acts strange. she's always depressed and she just sleeps all day. i don't know what to do about her. she wants to get rid of me and place me in a group home. i think she has schizophrenia. i don't know why she wants to do this to me. she's nasty.

I'm really sorry that your mother is so horrible to you - i really wish she wasn't.. it's not fair that you have to deal with that

I know what you mean about bright and cheery things seeming dangerous and like something's wrong - i used to feel that way a lot as well and it's really difficult isn't it.

You got a seizure from watching pokemon? ouch.. very not cool - have you had seizures before or was that the only one you've ever had?

i can't seem to bleach my hair blonde enough. i don't know why. also, i by mistake threw out my mother's heirloom jewellery. we had this beautiful jewellery with like gems and little stars and moons and it's all gone now.

i don't know why, but i'm afraid of people. so afraid. i just am. sometimes i start hearing voices from lonliness. i had on little friend when i was little but i don't know where he is now.

i know this is really weird, but i do not in any way remember abuse. what happened was i'd come to home and to school with bruises or bloody knees, or like completely exhausted, and i wouldn't remember anything. then sometimes i'd dissappear during the nighttime. it was really strange.

i know this is really strange, but i heard from a religious person you can actually be programmed by the devil. strange isn't it?

for some reason when I think of these toys, I thnk part of my life is missing. my grandmother and I would constantly see them in the store but we couldn't buy them because they were too expansive. now it is too late. I am old and tired and too worn out for toys...and my grandmother is gone. infact, I probably don't even know where she is anymore. poor grandmother. I miss her so much. we had the best time together. she'd buy me pizza and shakes and I'd sleep on her sofa and play with cats. and now she doesn't call or appear. I have no clue where her grave is and will never see it. I heard she had cancer but I couldn't handle it so she disappeared. poor grandmother. poor me. what a sad place Russia is.

hi, i heard somewhere they don't even diagnose narcissists anymore. it's just there. it's true.

i heard that tea and coffee are made by very poor underpaid farmers on farms in asia and africa. i don't know whether they do the work because they need it or because they are forced to, but apparently they are very poor. i say boycutt tea and coffee now. it gives you brain damage anyway.