Mother's Day

Mother's Day. It's a day that I dread. My feelings conflict on it greatly. Should I celebrate it or not? My mother is the type of person who is addicted to holidays. Holidays, for her, are things that represent status. Everything is status for her. That being said: I have never been a big fan of holidays. We as children were expected to do things in a way that made her look respectable. She desired to spend holidays among wealthy people. Always wanting to visit an area where the only 'important' people lived.

I feel so conflicted on this. On one hand, I for some reason feel that people will feel lonely if they are not contacted or maybe I am afraid that if I never contact them, they will find a way to intrude on my new life. When I told my mother of the sexual abuse my father had put me through she seemed to care and even cried, but now she will contact me with messages asking me why I hate my father so. She'll ask me to come out to dinners with him and says that she'd like to strengthen the bond.

At what point do I stop owing her for taking care of me? At what point can I stop feeling like I am the selfish one? I hate this feeling of guilt and I don't understand it.

utoihito wrote:At what point do I stop owing her for taking care of me? At what point can I stop feeling like I am the selfish one? I hate this feeling of guilt and I don't understand it.

Do you feel like other people should sacrifice their emotional well-being for you?

If not, then why do you feel that you owe your mother that?

Your mother obviously doesn't care about your feelings, or at least not enough to put them before her own status concerns. Your feelings come second to her, yet her's come first to you. Do you really think that's fair?

Do you think that if you CHOOSE to bring a child into the world, which is something they have no control over, and you CHOOSE to raise them, that when they get older, they have to kiss your ass and jump every time you say "jump", so to speak?

Yeah, I had a hard mothers day too. Guess a lot of us do. I was at a High Tea where various celebrities talked about how important their mother was to them. Well my mother sure helped form me physically and mentally so I can't block her out, but I wish I could and when everyone else was so gushy about their mother I went through :-

wonder what that is like

to my usual, if you had mine you would be crushed and living in a cardboard box.

My own mother is in a retirement village 4 klms away. I rang her and wished her happy mothers day. I felt guilty about not visiting, but simply could not. Knew that everyone thinks I am an evil ungrateful child, ... don't care. The joke to me is she is there and they don't know how dangerous she really is.

Still part of me felt for her. The shame of being the only mother there who no one visited. All those years ago she got away with horrific crimes against children. She thought she was so smart, that she outwitted everyone. Guess she just never figured she would live this long.

Sorry guess, not helping. So in summary, yeah I understand totally how you feel. Can't offer any advice for fixing it. You are a nice person and nicer than your mum. Price you pay, I guess for having your humanity.

Boy did I ramble on, sorry

i just got over mother's day too. i still live with my abusive mother. i also heard that other people praise their mother and so on and gift giving and taking pics on facebook and so on and on. my mother demands me to do something for her and says i am a bad kid to not know that today is mother's day and i need to do something for her. i tell her to eat $#%^ because i don't care mother day or whatever day she doesn't deserve anything from me. just being cold like that. no guilt or whatever because she ###$ me up so bad anyway. i don't have time to consider her feeling. her good feeling is equal to me being hurt, sad or angry. so i stop caring and let it be.