Old voices of abusers in my head

I make a mistake, usually a "disorganization" one or mindlessness or scatterbrain and I hear people from my past just criticizing me. For LITTLE things when I try so hard and the best I can. Except it's not them doing it it's ME. But when I make mistakes I think of toxic family members and friends and how they'd be pointing fingers at me.

I try so hard but I make distracted mistakes. But I repair them. And make another one. The point is this is how my freaking brain works no matter what I do.

No matter what I want to get people's voices beating me up for being "careless" or whatever OUT OF MY MIND. What do you do to do that???!!!

So frustrated with myself and the people who abused me.

I understand, I do hear the voices of my parents when ever I do something 'wrong' or make mistakes.Even when I am excited about something and show it, they yelled at me to behave. To hear that when you are having a good time sucks, but i I just tell the voice/stepfather to ' ###$ off'

When ever your abusers voices say something bad, just tell it, it doesn't have power over you anymore and to go away. And tell yourself is okay to make mistakes. And believe it, you survived, they don't have power over you anymore.

intrusive thoughts. google it.

best thing is to try not to attack them. because when you attack them you give them attention, and it's attention that they live off of. so don't argue with them.

though you could laugh at them. they're just silly.

i remember, about 10 years ago, i locked myself out of my dads home where i was living at the time, and i found some branch with just the right shape, i broke it in fact to get the right Y shaped hook and ... well i slid it into the mailbox to open the door from the inside while standing outside.

while i was doing this in my mind i was, without pauze, calling myself stupid for even trying it, telling myself it would never work etc. then it did work. and then i was beating myself up over having beat myself up, calling me stupid for doubting it.

these kinds of intrusive thoughts will find any excuse to criticise. ignore them or laugh at them, and just carry on, focus on whatever you're doing.

Dear prayingforacceptance:

It's not just in your brain; this is what happens in the brain of every child that was abused. The child internalizes the abusive parent. I think children internalize whatever parent/s they have, so if you are not lucky and have an abusive parent/s, that is what you internalizes. Freud called this natural mental phenomenon Superego. It is also knows as the "inner critic." There are articles online about how to deal with an abusive inner critic. I am dealing with it, have been for a few years, giving it all. Finally, there is less of it for me. I can detect the input by the inner critic while before it just happened and so often that i was troubled throughout most of my waking hours.

Hope you get a good source to read. There are strategies to go about it.

atina