Is it all in my head?

Hi I'm new to this sight and I'm just seeking some advice towards weather or not my mom is really abusive or am I exaggeration things in my head. Warning some unsettling things (I'm gonna keep it mild as possible.)


Ever since I was little I remember my mom physically hitting me. She used to yell and hit me constantly any time of day before school after school occasionally during on weekends even late at night. I never knew when it was going to happen it just did. Most of the time I never knew what I did wrong sometimes shed tell me she had a bad day at work and continue.Sometimes she go for seconds and 3rd sometimes it would be all day. To keep this mild I won't go into detail what she did but I'll just say from my perspective it was horrific and left scars. This was my entire life and the hitting never stopped till I was 18 when she got in trouble with police and had to stop but would still occasionally get a hit in. She still yells at me constantly, now 22 years old and from all of this I have developed some sever anxiety issues. I feel as if I'm always walking on glass around her.

They major problem in all of this is that she believes shes never done anything like that to me. Lately Ive been having a lot of medical issues and because of that it raises my anxiety level to the extreme , while going to the doctor to find out a reason for one of my issues today she started off on me yelling about how she wont be taking me to the er unless I'm litterly dying or have died. I said okay, but it didn't end there and she kept going and going and going on about it and then started going off on me like usual and I ended up having a mental break down from all the stress. I called her something I probably shouldn't have( that's a very rare occurrence from me I was litterly breaking down) and she hit me. We got in an argument and I started telling her all the stuff she did. She was so hell bent on denying it all that she even got me to question weather she really was or not. She denies things and I think she genuinely believes it and kept telling me its all in my head and that I live a great life and never experiences any stress ever and that she can't wait for the "real world" to slap me in my " arrogant face". She even went as far to say I abused her. And that I was abusing her and that she resents me for that.I just need help What do I do? I told her I wanted to move out and she guilt tripped me so much i ended up not going threw with it. Is it all in my head ? What can I do ? I don't think I'm abusing her but I only see things from my perspective not hers. What do I do..

Regretfulheart wrote:
. She was so hell bent on denying it all that she even got me to question weather she really was or not. She denies things and I think she genuinely believes it and kept telling me its all in my head and that I live a great life and never experiences any stress ever and that she can't wait for the "real world" to slap me in my " arrogant face". She even went as far to say I abused her.

Classic .. you will meet other people here who will tell stories, that you will swear are your own.

The key phrase was "slap me in my arrogant face". A true parent loves their child, does not want them harmed or damaged even when they are less than perfect and goes through pain every time they are hurt. What your mother is I will let others work out but yep pretty sure you will meet anyone's standard of abuse.

If you want to get it out of your system don't hold back, you can put most anything up here, just put a trigger warning in ??

Can I ask about Dad ?? Can't see a reference.

Terry E. wrote:Classic .. you will meet other people here who will tell stories, that you will swear are your own.

The key phrase was "slap me in my arrogant face". A true parent loves their child, does not want them harmed or damaged even when they are less than perfect and goes through pain every time they are hurt. What your mother is I will let others work out but yep pretty sure you will meet anyone's standard of abuse.

If you want to get it out of your system don't hold back, you can put most anything up here, just put a trigger warning in ??

Can I ask about Dad ?? Can't see a reference.

Hes not really around but he is a nice guy. Mom kicked him away when they had me at a very young age. Says he wasn't a good influence. But I like him he seems fine to me. But for most he was not in my life. And I really rather not go into details about what she done as it gets really graphic.

It's certainly real. I think it's very common for abusers to let the victim believe it's their fault, or it's not real, or even that they are the abuser.. So it can be very hard to trust yourself, especially when it's a parent, who you are biologically made to trust. But you know it's real, so it is. And you're her child, she should never hit you, even if you weren't a good child.
I have a similar experience, though I wasn't hit just emotionally abused/bullied, my mother claims she didn't do anything wrong and does not seem to remember anything.. Maybe it's her guilt trying to get rid of what happened, maybe she really forgets every time after she does it, but most likely she just doesn't want to admit she does sh!tty things and just isn't the good person she wants to be seen as.

You should move out, no matter how much she tries to guilt you. You can go live your own life now, you deserve it. And your mother doesn't really need you if that's what she tells you, she just needs a victim to let her frustration out on..

Dear regretfullheart:

I just answered your thread on the Anxiety forum, before reading this thread. Before I read anything much about your mother's behavior I already wrote to you on the other thread that she is the cause of your anxiety, not the outside observer to it that she pretends to be. I didn't even need the details here to know that she was abusive. The proof is in the consequences evident in your experience and life.

We are born to trust our mother and it is confusing as hell to have a mother that turns against us, repeatedly and mercilessly like your mother, like my mother.

It is difficult to separate her perspective (which is dominant in your mind, doubting the abuse) from your perspective (which would state clearly; yes, this is abuse!) It takes time.

If I could change something crucial in my life, I would have cut all contact with my mother way earlier than I did: I cut all contact with her at the age of 52. If I could go backward, I would have done it ASAP, as early as possible, I mean... as early as i could walk...

atina