Where is the line between bad parenting and abuse?

Take this typical bad parenting scenario...
A child with anger issues who has a hard time controlling their temper. He has frequent tantrums, almost daily, they last for hours. Parents send the child to his room where he gets worse and worse. The parents think they are leaving him to calm down but they are just isolating him and making him feel unloved. The child loses control of himself, and the parents have no control over the child. They try to punish him by smacking, usually leaving a mark. Sometimes the smack becomes a slap round the face. This angers the child more. The child ends up feeling very unloved and unwanted, even though the parents frequently tell him they love him, their actions show him otherwise. The parents openly refer to the tantrums as 'toddler tantrums' to other family members, making the child feel ashamed.
Clearly the parents are desperate and ill-equipped to deal with the meltdowns. They clearly love the child, but their actions make him feel ashamed and unloved.

My question is, where does the line get crossed from bad parenting to child abuse?

Hi justagirl46,
Very good question ..and this explained my childhood very well and my (parenting to) never smacked though, just sent them to their room, my sons Have ADHD so my life was very up and down daily, but 20years ago we didnt get the help and support as people to today (meds and adolescent units yes) but not much else unfortunately so i guess you cold say that there is a line but where i couldn't tell you to be honest.

POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING

I was beaten regularly for silly things when i was a child , i would never do that to my sons ...i stopped the cycle, so hopefully my sons children dont have to go through anything bad like i did.

I think maybe the line should be refrain from physical abuse ...but there again mental abuse is just as damaging ...dilemma definitely.

*TRIGGER WARNING*
This sounds scenario like a lot of what I went through. Although my parents I believe to some degree did it deliberately, as I wasn't told I was loved and my emotions often led to me to be punished. I was constantly forced to take adhd medication as a child and it made me moody. They asked me if I wanted to die and if I remember being offered to drink bleach by my dad. I tried to tell them I wasn't happy(the medicine really messed with me and it made me feel sick and they made me feel stigmatized) and my mother made me run to the point of exhaustion and for the next week work 10 hour days with my dad. I was 9 years old. If I missed school due to illness I remember having the flu as a kid and my mother threw me on the driveway and made me wash the car because I missed school. I think the line is drawn when the emotional problems do not improve, and the parents are not able to for whatever reason ask for help. If it's clearly not helping and the actions do not correlate with the words, it for sure will mess the kid up. I think the feelings should be acknowledged and the parents should realize, it's a child and they aren't developed yet. That's just my take on it because whether intentional or not it really can cause serious harm to children psychologically and physically. That is their childhood and they will carry those memories with them forever, make sure they're happy and joyful memories.

The line is very grey.

In a society today, which many people believe is toxic, long hours of work travel, stressful unsatisfying jobs, health issues, mortgage stress all make playing happy family is very hard for many. Damm just hard enough trying to eat right and stay healthy.

There may be times when parents regret not having the time, or energy to parent as they would wish. They may react to a child. If they regret that, and try to ensure it does not happen again, if they seek support from others and try to find other ways to handle a child with "anger"issues, I would put that down to how life is.

If they did not regret it and it became "normal" behaviour then you can look at possible abuse, which could then start to become the issues.

Terry E. wrote:The line is very grey.

In a society today, which many people believe is toxic, long hours of work travel, stressful unsatisfying jobs, health issues, mortgage stress all make playing happy family is very hard for many. Damm just hard enough trying to eat right and stay healthy.

There may be times when parents regret not having the time, or energy to parent as they would wish. They may react to a child. If they regret that, and try to ensure it does not happen again, if they seek support from others and try to find other ways to handle a child with "anger"issues, I would put that down to how life is.

If they did not regret it and it became "normal" behaviour then you can look at possible abuse, which could then start to become the issues.

I agree with you on that Terry. There are times which there is no other way than working those long hours in order to provide. While it may be not ideal and unfortunate I think those people do a great job of making sure that they care for their kids and the kids care for the parents.Of course not everything goes perfectly and there's going to be breaking points and feelings are going to be hurt without the intention of causing harm. At the same time (I don't really see spanking as abuse) coming home and beating the life out of your kids like my dad did to me quite frequently isn't right either. I get it, there's always frustration but if you're going to tear down your family, the people you hold closest to you then you better be able to build them up higher than the original point that's just how I see things now that I am removed from my biological family. It's also imperative it doesn't happen again.