normal or abuse? (tw: possible emotional abuse, parent ment)

hello. my name is wolf. im hoping members of this fourm can help me out by looking at this list of stuff thats been happening between my parents and me for years. i have a suspcioun it might be abusive, but am very uncertain (mainly because my parents label it "discipline" most of the time), and also becuase my parents are usually okay to me. the majority of these items are done by my father, but both parents contribute.

things in paras are examples of things said or done. if youd like further detail, please ask- however, the response will be bauge, due to both trying to keep people safe any my own bad memory recall. (i have depression and a possible disociative disorder that have screwed my memory.)

here are the things
-mocking of discomfort (”i feel uncomfortable without this thing” “get over it and shut upp”)
-control of emotion (”dont’ cry” “stop crying” “why are you crying this shouldnt be upsetting”)
-threats (of taking door away/of being hit)
-actual hitting (spanking when i was little/blows to the head/slaps to the hands)
-minimizing hurtful comments (”it was a joke” “get over it”)
-emotional neglect (other needs are ned, such as social and food/school/etc, but ot this)
-implications that things i enjoy are stupid or worthless
-passive agressive toward both my gender idenity and mental illnes
-focus on how the above affect them
-thinly veiled insults (”you make me sad” “i never said you were smart”)
-invading privacy (threats to recome door/being follwoed/escrorted around school by my dad who works at my school to classes/extened periods of phone consification, which is my communication and comfortobkect)
-seemingly overexpectantion (everything is school, everything has be done to their standard)
-unable to tell if actually cared about beyond school/productivity
-projected onto (mother w her parents, who were distnat and emotionally abusive t her)
-uncaring/invalidating of mental illness and their affect on me
-dont feel as if i can trust them with emotions or issues
-unreasonable fear of father
-overly agressive and controlling ather; mother may have narsictic tendacies (her mother had NPD)
-invalidation of emotion (”stop getting upset” stop playing victim”)
-assuming any reason i have to stop working is a lie, tat i am always trying to avoid work and should be punished for that
-protector alter is extremly agresive toward father; causes vioelnt urges through pass. infleucne

thank you doe any help.

i apologie for spelling erors- im visually impaired and typing is hard soemties.)

Dear wolf:

Definitely and without a doubt, you suffered and suffer emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse by your parents. I didn't have to even read the list or finish the list. "The proof is in the pudding." - how did you come out of childhood? Anxious, depressed, distressed? 99.9% of the time it is not because of something so horribly wrong that you were born with. It is a natural result of being mistreated. As a child, your brain is in the ongoing process of FORMING (formative years)- and the experiences with your parents become integral part of your brain.

IF you didn't come out well from your childhood, the quality of the parenting you received is highly suspect.

Nobody more than the child is invested in protecting the parents, in being careful to not call them abusive. Nobody more than the child victim is more invested in seeing the parents in the best possible light. The best... impossible light, more like it.

If you were not so invested, you wouldn't be doubting what is clear to me- you were indeed mistreated, abused, attacked, repeatedly.

It doesn't have to be with a knife, cutting, literally. Words are THAT powerful to make your mind bleed, to injure you, wound you. And their words did just that.

If they still talk to you like that, you must distant yourself from them, have no contact with them is best. You should also attend GOOD psychotherapy so to SEE that indeed you were their innocent victim. You need to travel back into the past so to rescue the child that you are still inside, to rescue him from guilt and place the guilt where it rightfully belongs- with your parents.

Post more if you'd like.
atina