Aside caused by Abusive Mother

On the outside looking into my Family we looked perfect. Nnice cars, house, business and socially popular. In reality we were at the mercy of my mother's mental illness. She suffered ptsd from her childhood and took it out on me. The eldest son. Violent mood swings and a brutal aim when throwing the cutlery draw or knife block. As my dad always worked a lot he missed alot of the show unfold. As the years rolled on so did the daily violence and my mother feel deeper and deeper into depression. She used to wait for me to return home from school to attempt swinging from a beam with a rope but the day I didn't react and let her swing was the day she snapped and cut it herself. I copped the worst beating ever. So bad infact dad noticed. He got her help and she blamed her dad and sexual abuse as a child. To this day She hasn't apologised or even admitted guilt. I've been in and out of jail my whole life and fight drug addiction every day. I dispise the woman who everyone else thinks is lovely. I'm now 30 and my psychologist gave me a lable on my condition.

Just throwing this out there.

Sorry to hear your story although that is a story we hear a lot hear.

Males are more prone to sexual abuse and abuse when drunk

Females to sadistic abuse when sober.

If you spend some time here you will hear others with similar issues. I am glad you are seeking help, knowledge with this is power, it allows us to work on the areas of our brain which are triggered by events. (I am guessing you have child abuse survivor PTSD ) What has your therapist suggested.

Does your family all still expect you to play happy family?

I feel the pain you went through and I hate that it's always the good people getting the crap end of the stick. My mother is mentally ill also I think she may have been abused herself when she was younger, but she did used to take her frustrations and such out on me and accused me of things. She has never apologized to me for the damaged she has done.

I wish you well and hope you stay in good health I never experienced addiction, but I know it's not an easy task to overcome. I am guessing you used narcotics to escape the pain and reality and your coming and going of being in jail has to deal with your pent up anger?

-hugs

Hi!
I have similar experiences with my narcissistic mother. It helped me a lot to write a letter with all horrible events and the neglect, and my feelings about them. At first, it was only for therapeutic reasons, to get in touch with the suppressed pain and anger from my childhood. A couple of days later I sent the letter to her, and her reaction confirmed my feeling that I needed to let go of her and move on with my new found self-confidence and life. Anyways, this technique is from the book "Toxic Parents" from Susan Forward PhD, it really helped me a lot. You should also find a pdf on google if you don't wanna buy it.

Here is a great video about addiction which helps maybe seeing things a bit different than what most of society thinks. This might make it easier to overcome your addiction.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao8L-0nSYzg