Is foster care likely to be emotional abuse?

My mum has had social services on her back for the last 14 years, I went into care when I was 6 years old, I am now 22 today, I feel as if naturally social services is a type of abuse and is a punishment, it messes you up overall. I could look at many other children there, many of them had their troubles, which were various, I have been through a lot more than most people, because of bullying also from school.

I find that I'm naturally hateful of the world from this, I was rejected at a young age by my aunties and uncles, they could of stopped me from going into care, but I went in anyway, they didn't prevent it, I have heard about charles manson (serial killer) that he was rejected at a young age, it causes you to hate society, i think this is what I have.

I do naturally have a hate for society, it's a very core persisting feeling, I just naturally dislike most people, I do not have respect for the average man, I don't want to fit in, I see the world as fundamentally heartless, it's messed up to the core.

Looking back on my past, from being away from my mum for 12 years (6-18), i have been affected, I will never get my childhood back with my mum, because of other people ruining it for me, I had been treated badly in care and made to feel like a bad person all the time, given strict rules, somewhat institutionalized, the over discipline has hurt my psyche, i don't feel healthy from it, it's changed me.

My foster father never really gave me that love that my own family would, I have never really had a loving dad, naturally I don't think he felt like my father or loved me, he saw me more like an enemy, my foster mum was more caring but stressy, it's something from my past that has made me like this, he put many things into my head that people thought I was miserable, I lacked confidence etc. He destroyed my confidence but then told me that I don't have confidence, he was the reason I don't have confidence, he looked down on me, nobody cared about me there except my foster mum.

I think it's emotional abuse, foster care isn't designed to create healthy individuals, it destroys people's psyches, they come out as a reck, many don't find a job, are stuck with problems that affect their lives, it's not support, it's a hindrance. I had also kind of been cold shouldered by my friends, I feel as if nobody cares about me, it stays with me that people only care about themselves, I hate them for it, I hate society mostly.

Is it emotional abuse?

Firstly welcome, and I cannot imagine how what you went like would feel. To be our best we should have certain things, like supportive loving family, but in your case at many levels the system (aunts & uncles etc) failed you. It is very sad that someone fostered a child who does not understand what the role should or could be. It appears that was your foster dad.

I will now go trough a few things with you, please bear with me.

Firstly I am extremely impressed by your post. Given your circumstances, you are where you are, but the way you described it was very insightful. Many of us let the pain cloud our thoughts and we become scattered in how we perceive things. You were very insightful and showed excellent understanding of the whys in your life. That is rare in one who is young. In dealing with what life has thrown at us, the best resource we have is ourselves. I know therapists are very helpful, but you have shown great insight. Have the confidence that you can steer your own path. It is a harder path but don't give up, you will get there.

When you feel able to and have some time look up theories on child attachment. That bond between mother and child. It may make you sad or even angry but it may also give you some greater understanding.

Also look up neglect and or abandonment on a child. Although technically you were fostered the lack or nurturing from your foster dad the refusal of aunts and uncles to come forward and help and the separation from your mum are all huge issues. It effects self esteem, education, confidence therefore opportunities / relationships etc.

My mother had MBP. I was routinely poisoned and starved (and that was the good part) missed 90 days school one year when 10 and most Fridays one year at 12 (spelling and geometry was on Friday end of year got 76 for maths our of 100 and zero out of 20 for the geometry question. Missing all those geometry lessons did anyone help ?? of course not. ) These are only little things (thank god spell check) but they have an effect on your life.

I was very angry at society for abandoning me to that lunatic, they let her do unimaginable stuff to my brother and me, but threaten to burn down a neighbors villa and bingo, in she went to a padded cell (via a straight jacket). Obviously society has thresholds and we just did not matter.

Most people are mini clones of their parents. I am not. I was given the opportunity to have a clean sheet and so are you. Being angry does not help, I obviously still am in parts, but channel that by being here, listening to others and trying to make a difference. Focus on what you can change, you will be amazed at how that works, When you are aware that self esteem or low confidence has been an issue, take some time to get the anger out maybe ( I used weightlifting, Frank Shorter used running) , then think of strategies that next time will give you a better outcome.

Your post was outstanding. You have the insight and the courage, look at things you can change and and move forward. Life is a marathon not a sprint, make little changes incorporate subtle changes and the end result will surprise you. I know this seems trite , I understand the pain, but look at the scientific reasons for how you feel, attachment, abandonment etc and then you will understand why when x happens you feel like y and do z. Next time x happens you may still feel like y but be able to not do z. Coping mechanisms, strategies god knows what therapists call them, but you are smart enough to do something.

I wish you well, if you have anything else you want to kick around just come back and drop in.