Help with wife and her kids.

Backstory;
My daughter moved in with my wife and her kids just under a month ago. I havent ever seen my daughter as her mum took her away from me before she was born. She moved in after I go a call from child protection about her being abused and neglected by her mum and her new boyfriend and I happy took her in and my family agreed. But now that she has moved in it has just turned bad.

Side note: my wife has 4 kids from another marriage, Boy 10, Boy 8, girl 6 (same age as my daughter) and another boy 3.

When my daughter moved in (ill call her MD) everyone was happy for her to move in and couldn't wait to meet her. But a hour after she moved in and we where spending family time my wife and her daughter (call her HD) turn a bit mean and weren't as welcoming. HD didn't want to share toys with MD and was name calling her, I heard a few but I know my wife heard it all, it was silly names like dork, freak and one that really hurt me was unwanted, I know it must of hurt my daughter a lot. I soon had a talk to HD and told her that MD is her sister and how would she like it if she talked to her like that. I thought it had changed but when I was outside were all the kids were I heard my wife kids even the kids who live on the street pick on my daughter for not being able to ride a bike. Which we soon then all had a talk about it. After these two cases my wife has now started to bully my daughter, like she has picked on her for like 'boy' stuff and also humiliating her in front of the other kids. I have tried to have have a family bonding time like going to the park, taking a day off to head to a theme park and do stuff as a family but nothing has changed. My daughter would tell me a day or two after it happened even though I ask her everyday if anything has happened. As my daughter hasn't been at school as it was hard to get her into one, when the other kids were at school I took MD out to the park and did stuff with just her to get to know her better, but we were home before the other kids to spend family time but I now know that isn't work and the kids all being nice to MD only when I am around. I know my wife is mental bulling MD and I have had a word to her about it. The latest is its nearly MD birthday and I wanted to through a big party like we do for all our kids but she just wasn't interested in throwing one for MD. Also since we finally got MD into a school which isn't the same as her kids as they go to a private school and only take enrolments start of year and only every few years so I had no hope getting her into there, I was made to enrol her into public schooling and now they are holding that against her. Now that she is at school I feel like she maybe getting bullied there but when I ask teachers they say no, but I do know teachers sometimes don't know about bulling as students don't speak up.
My daughter dose keep a journal which is called 'her secret book' which a counsellor told me to make her keep when I picked her up. Which I don't want to read as I told her no one will touch it, its just hers to know. But I know it will have everything in it.

I really don't know what to do and I don't want my daughter to go from one abusive home to another. What can I do? Please help? What I am doing isn't helping any...

That is pretty bad. Most of us here have been abused, so reading that story for most of us is kind of tough. We all were bullied in the home and because of it outside.

I would consider keeping her out of the same school, I think that was a blessing. Your wife's children would have contaminated the other children, and what was happening at home and in the street would just get worse, she would have no escape.

You look like you have two choices , try and play along and make her life special out of that house and support her while she in in the house or pick her up and leave. Try the first and the next is last resort.

I would look for something on the weekend maybe a sport etc where she can be herself and be with you without the others spoiling it. She needs some life away from them. Hopefully it will give her an interest, friends, some success and from them build her self esteem. Try and help her at school, success at school builds confidence.

Keep trying to work on bonding the family, but yeah it is from physical abuse to what is really very bad emotional abuse.

The issue in life for this girl is self esteem. Before she moved in she thought everyone's life was like hers. Now she knows it is just hers. With lack of self esteem, you have some many options and they all read bad, marriages, drug abuse, unwanted pregnancies, abusive spouse is almost a lock guarantee, lack of career success, lots of options. Only one person who can stop it.

Would not make too big an issue about the party even if they give in, they will just make her suffer in other ways. JUST DO SOMETHING WITH HER TO MAKE HER FEEL SPECIAL. Make an excuse to her, that she is new and they don't have a lot to invite that she knows and your Plan B will be better. She needs just one person to help her get through this. We all want to be loved, and right now that is something you can do. Obviously be private how you show it, be strong and gentle, try to softly minimize the hurt, and privately express how happy you are she is with you.

Are your parents around, can they help, they could be very, very important.

To the other skids you are the paycheck, she is your blood and flesh.

right now I think you are incredibly lucky, you just may not feel like it

Dear Terry,
Thank you for your reply, I understand that this maybe hard for some people to read but I am really at a lose with my family.
Since read in your reply, I have noticed that my daughter needs me more then she needs friends and education at the moment. I think the more time I spend with her the better trust she will have in me. I was spending time with just her when she wasn't at school but now I think every second day ill spend the day with just her without anyone knowing.
I am hoping that this way my wife and her kids are treating her is just a phase but if it doesn't stop I know leaving will be best for us as I want her to feel happy and safe at home. I think separating HD and her will be best at this time but I don't want to be like a house with her kids and mine, I want one family. I have planned the days we will be spending together and I will help her learn to ride a bike so that gives one less reason to bully her. A sport for her to just do is a good idea, as the other kids play weekend sport maybe I can make her do a different sport at the same time as the others is a great idea so it can be just her and I.
Thank you again!

Danny yes you are on the right track. My wife is also a survivor and we were talking about your post over our morning coffee. She said the big one is trust. Something you have picked up on and are doing something about already.

It must be incredible for your daughter to suddenly be introduced to this new world, and someone who people tell he is her real father without her having any understanding of what a real father is. She is certainly proving adaptable.

She also may have a fear of going back to where she came from. This is all so very difficult to comprehend at her age. I think it will take a lot to make her complain. She wants to fit in and not go back home.

She also will miss her mum. Mine was a sadistic monster, but as a little child I desperate wanted her to love me and care for me. By 10 I could see the world as it was until then I always believed that if I was just good enough the punishment could stop. As time goes by that bonding will transfer to you.

I think you are doing as much as can be done. Trust is the biggie, maybe tell her meaningless secrets about yourself, she may then eventually open up more to you.

I think she is a lucky girl to have you.

One last thing. There are a lot of negatives about what she has been through. One thing I have observed though, is for the ones that can come through it without too much damage, they are mentally very resilient people. Very tough when it counts. Very dependable.

Personally, I'd leave and take my daughter with me. Have my paperwork packed, get another place without mentioning to others, say i'm going out for a packet of cigarettes and never come back.
But thats just me.
If you want to make this a healthy family I suggest the lot of you go to see a family therapist.
The main issue is not the children but your wife doesn't seem to have empathy and acceptance for the new little person and her individuality is being seen as an opening to use to demean her rather than embracing it and having her feel good about herself. This is not a recipe for a happy childhood. Or the many years of being an adult that comes after.
good luck with it