My niece was raped by her father; how to cope?

My niece is 5 yrs old. This past year, we found out she was being sexually abused by her father; my sister separated from him years ago because he used to hit her. He is currently facing charges for assault, sexual assault, and child endangerment.

My sister is a single mother of two, though her son is too young to understand what's happening, and it's been very difficult on all of us. My niece now displays symptoms of PTSD, and is in counseling. But she has severe nightmares and flashbacks quite often. My sister also attends counseling now, and often comes to confide in me -- which usually results in a lot of hugs and crying together.

However, I wish I knew how to help more. I work with mental disabilities and a lot of youth, but not with trauma and abuse victims. I lost both my children before childbirth, so I don't know how it feels to be a mother like she is -- and I don't know how to help her.

Any advice for her, myself, and my niece would be immensely appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Firstly I am sorry that life has recently turned out this way. Congrats to your sister for acting as she has and to you for being there for her.

Hugs and listening is really a great start. If I was in your case, at this point, that is all I would do. Leave therapy to therapists, and legal action to police.

As a victim of severe abuse, all I ever wanted was for someone to listen, (of course some one acting would have been nice but after that ship had sailed), I spent many years, with PTSD doing many things that I would have been better off without, always telling myself that I was fine.

I can tell you I have only had someone actually listen twice in my life, it was life changing. You don't need to offer answers, but just to have someone care enough to listen to the unlistenable, is very helpful.

Now re the nightmares. The therapy will help a lot, but even without therapy they gradually go away.

The great thing is she can now start to heal.

and ... there are no positives out of something like this, but remember your niece has not lost her mom. In many cases that bond is very badly damaged, and can often not be fully repaired.Your niece has lost one parent not two. Let your sister know, that she still has her daughter, it will be difficult, but she did what many will not do, face reality.

I like her.

Terry E. wrote:and ... there are no positives out of something like this, but remember your niece has not lost her mom. In many cases that bond is very badly damaged, and can often not be fully repaired.Your niece has lost one parent not two. Let your sister know, that she still has her daughter, it will be difficult, but she did what many will not do, face reality.

I like her.

Thank you. Just having someone take the time to read and reply, to understand what we're going through, it means the world to me. Thank you sincerely.

My sister is an amazingly strong woman, even if she doesn't think so -- she does what's best for her children, without fail.

We're concerned how this will affect my niece's emotional development later in life, as she matures. I, myself, was severely abused from age 12 to 21, and it was severely debilitating. I don't want my niece to have to suffer through the same emotional stunting that I did.

Hi Mistyanna,

I still can't understand how this keeps happening.

One important thing is that your niece is going to counseling. It's very important for her to process, understand and heal all that she went through. For her mother as well.

You can invite your mother to write in here as well, and share and feel supported.

mistyanna wrote:We're concerned how this will affect my niece's emotional development later in life, as she matures. I, myself, was severely abused from age 12 to 21, and it was severely debilitating. I don't want my niece to have to suffer through the same emotional stunting that I did.

I think that having a strong, caring, safe, good relationship with her mother, will help a lot with her emotional development. If you're close, and extended close family for her, you can also help, by giving her support, and safe, strong emotional bonds she can rely on and learn from.

Take care of yourself as well, so that you're healthy too, to support your sis.

Sending you all warm safe vibes.

Sea