Long-term Consequences of Child Abuse, and Neglect

Do you want to talk more about the way you grew up? Just because a person is interested in Bio's of murderers, it doesn't mean that they are likely to be one. Keep in mind that poverty and lack of education play a big part in why people become so angry. Mental illness, childhood trauma are not the only ingredients in that kinda pie.
With care,
One

I find serial killers interesting as well, but more for their psyche not the crimes that they commit (even though i find it as well interesting). I am intregued about your post and it seems that you have a lot of questions needing answered as well. this is a great place to just lay it all on the table and gather support/thoughts.

I love watching violence and yes it occassionally intrests me past the point of just watching, I would someday like to be apart of a murder (in my head, i dream of this all the time). Do i want to kill, no. But i'm drawn to murders and serial murderers.

yes, i speak to my therapist about this and getting some help.

I think I might have emotional trauma, because of recent events and events from my childhood, because bad/unfair stuff went on repetitively for long periods and it all comes back to me every day...

In my childhood, I was beaten every day by my older brother and my parents, even though they knew he was at fault, would punish me for the beating (WTF, right?!?)... I tried to run away at 8 years of age... I was bullied for a solid year when I was 12, by the only three people I had previously considered friends... Then I reached my teens and social competition beat my self-esteem down even further and I tried to kill myself... I was bullied (was talked about and had stuff stolen from me) by a number of students and, in my last 3 years of school, by a pretty vicious teacher. Now, having moved away from home and started college etc., that stuff won't leave me.

Abuse isn't always very dramatic or obvious, but on any level it is inexcusable and must not be overlooked!

Withoutbix, you make a great point. Quite often with abuse victims they don't know how terrible it really is because they are conditioned to it. Many victims only learn how bad it was after they tell another person out side the situation.
The abuser is not the one who gets to say if and when it was abusive. The victim does.
One

onebravegirl wrote:The abuser is not the one who gets to say if and when it was abusive. The victim does.
One

EXACTLY. The person doing it or some observer on the outside saying that it's only petty and wouldn't hurt much at all does not make any sense. Who are they to speak for the person on the opposite end of the abuse? I got bullied until recently by someone who gave me the silent treatment for a whole year and a half, and while that might have seemed to an outsider like nothing to worry about, it is actually one of the most nasty things to do to a person because you get to embarrass them, disappoint them, exhaust them, worry them, insult them, confuse them, and you get away with it!! So many forms of bullying and it's the subtle ones like this that go on for lengthy periods without being dealt with, because the person who should be putting a stop to it can't see it.

Dear withoutabix, I give you credit for your honesty concerning the awful things that happened to you. Your a good person and I know you deserve the best in life. I'm sending you unconditional LOVE.

Hi everyone. I've been reading this thread and realise there aren't very recent posts on the subject. Hope it's not too late to join in. Briefly, like many others in this forum I was abused physically and emotionally by my mother from my earliest recollections to well over my 30's. I don't think the details are important for this post, but suffice to say that all episodes were very violent and I would never want or have the urge to retaliate - not even as an adult. I realised that "mummy" wasn't exactly the model mother but this happened late on in life, when I saw mothers of friends - my sister and I had very few friends because we had such a sheltered upbringing. Because of her unremitting demands on me, my time and my attention with her, I've spent most of my life looking after her (even though she had a full time and fulfilling job), trying to make her happy (doesn't work, never will), providing her with every tool at my disposal to make her life enjoyable and worthwhile. Naturally, that's meant giving up many things, missing out on a whole ton of stuff and generally taking time out constantly to tend to mother's emotional needs which of course were wholly unreasonable. My uncle, mummy's brother, was very violent and attempted to kill his wife. He also beat the living daylights out of his children. My cousins have spoken to me only recently about their father's behaviour and we've compared notes and traumas. I'm now in the situation of caring for my 90 year old mother, 24/7. I managed to sit her in front of a psychiatrist about a year ago. He diagnosed chronic PPD which he believes she has suffered from all her adult life. My concern: I've never had any feelings of animosity or trauma or indeed of being any different from anyone I know. Since taking mother on full time I now have the appalling task of fighting my own devils, which have only just appeared, and which take on the appearance of severe disliking if not loathing for this frail old woman. There are times when I can't bear to be touched by her. I attempt to never show how I feel towards her - it would be too cruel. I talk to other victims of child abuse who have either slowly come to terms with the relationship with their abuser, or have cut ties completely with them. A trigger has been pulled by some event at this late stage in my life which perhaps should have gone off way before. Is this a normal reaction and is it the long term result of the abuse inflicted on me by my mother?

Hello! And welcome to the forum. I read you post and I think that you are right on the money. I think you have every right to be angry. If this has never been addressed that wound never heals, no matter how old you are. Is you mother well mentally? The reason I ask, is my suggestion would be to wheel her crotchety old ass into a corner and let her have it. Say your peace. You dont have to yell, but let her know how you feel. She is not the victim You were. And as long as this stays silent you will always have that sense and you will stay angry. She's old and most likely wont be around too much longer, So I suggest that you make this time left with her count for your own sake.
Theres a chance she may want this too. Not likely, but there is a small chance that she may have wanted to say something but didnt know how to. And even if it goes terribly bad and she tried to shame you in some way-it really cant feel any worse than you have already. But you will have the best gift you can give yourself. Speaking up against an abuser. That can be life changing. Your perspective shift from being the victim to becoming a survivor.
Im glad you are here and I hope what I said helps a little.
With Care,
One

I worry about this for my little sister. Me and my closest (in age) siblings had to become quite strong. We grew up in almost an animalistic atmosphere and we became fighters and survivors because of it. Now i know I'm a little off the rails at the moment, but i always normally cling for dear life to the fact that i HAVE to survive.

And then we have my lil sis who is a good 18 years younger than me...

She was born after I left home and has a great dad. My mum started to crumble after Lucy was born, so although the violence and nastiness stopped, i think it handed my lil sis a bit of a double edged sword.

She is lucky that 1. when my sis was with my mum, she wasn't violent; and 2. she has a solid family unit with her dad and new partner (sees mum once a fortnight).

However, she's only ever known the 'broken' depressive mother and i think that has effected her just as much but in a different way. When she was two or three and still living with my mum, i had to intervene and take her away when my mum was drunk and suicidal (leading to her being institutionalised for a year). While she was in hospital, I looked after my sister for a good three weeks until her dad could then take care of her. At that time there were no signs of any trauma, but fast forward another 5 or so years and already at the age of 8 she has suffered with emotional problems that her dad and (other) mum have put her into counseling for, possibly an eating disorder (though she swears it was because of a problem with her throat... right) and is uber sensitive and perfectionistic.

She's so young. My problems didn't start until my late teens and I'm worried that she will forever live in the shadow of our past. She's not got the same strength as me and my other siblings.

I wonder what her life will be like and whether she will always struggle to cope. These things kicked off at such a developmental stage in her life.

I suppose i'm just throwing another thing into the mix to be discussed...

Best wishes xx

Thank you for your information. I have read about much of that but did not get into all the great detail as of yet. This will really help me look for these signs on my grandchildren. Everyone keeps saying children are resilient. I said to a professional that they all are. You stated what I needed to hear. Everyone is different. My twin sister is a very strong willed person. I on the other hand wear my feelings on my collar. She was like my parents were and therefore my parents could not understand why I wasn't that way. It was difficult for me because when I was younger I did not ask to be the way I was. I just was.

-- Sun Jun 26, 2011 6:36 am --

I am interested in reading Bios about mobsters. They fascinate me. My husband used make deliveries to set up job in the Chicago area. Not the suburbs but in Chicago. I would ride with him and wonder where did all the mobsters live and where were the shootings. Like the Valentines day massacre. I am not a criminal and do not like violence of any sort. So go figure.
When I was in Phoenix working I worked with a girl from New Jersey. Her family was in the mob. Naturally she didn't say much but she would give us bits and pieces of things that went on.