My bully story.

I'll keep this as short and sweet as I can so it's not a wall of text and easy on the eyes. I'm 26 now, but to this day, I'm STILL bullied. Not nearly as bad as before, but here goes.

Junior high: This is when I first started to realize that I might be a bit different from everyone else. I look at girls much differently than I look at boys and I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why. I had a huge crush on one of my best friends. I had told my other best friend and not too long after, the crush friend had found out. Relentlessly, I was called a dyke, weird, ugly and other names from grade 7 to 9. I didn't know I was being bullied back then, but they would ask to "hang out" then ditch me, leave me alone in random places and became hostile with me when I was around. I never called them names back or fought back. They would talk behind my back, stab me in the back and basically leave me face down in the dirt. I used to give these people the shirt off my back. I thought they were my friends. I was wrong.

High School: Moved to a completely different area and began going to high school here. I thought I'd be safe and away from all that, so I kept my distance from people in school. At this time I got into some light drugs (pot) and used it to ease my depression. It helped a lot. It all started in math class, I was sitting next to a few guys I didn't know and I kept to myself. One of them turned to me and stated I looked like a character off of a movie. I won't state the characters name for privacy reasons, but he appeared to be "dirty" and "homely". I didn't understand this as I'm obsessively clean and my clothes were clean. But I assumed they were picking on me, and ignored the statement and tried to pay attention.

Little did I know how much of an impact it would have on me until later that day. By lunch period, the trend of that dreadful name caught on to others, and they would smile at me through the hallways and yell it in my face while trying to trip me. "What did I do wrong to these people?" Is all I could think to myself. This bad name caught on quicker then I'd like to admit, and soon enough, more than 40 school mates were calling me this. I would get blows to the stomach, pop bottles, rocks, school chairs and other objects thrown at me during class. The teacher would ask the students to "calm down" and that was it.

I had a couple friends during this time, and at one point we were outside having a drag of a cigarette, playfully hitting each other (He was a guy), and this girl with about 10 friends had said "You shouldn't hit a girl, even though she looks like a man". I finally got the nerve, and tried sticking up for myself and asked her to repeat herself to my face. Bad idea. Ended up in a snow bank behind my school.

These things happened so often, I simply dropped out. I had gone to the principal and explained my story. The guidance councilor, teachers...No one raised a finger. No one helped.

After I had dropped out...Up to 2 years AFTER, I was still getting called this name on the street. To this day I've been asked by store clerks and other citizens "Are you a boy or a girl?" with a big grin on their face. Just the other day, someone peeked into my car and asked "Hey, are you danny?"

I'll admit, I don't dress to impress. I don't dress overly boyish, or overly girlish. My hair is long, I dress in neutral clothing and I dress to how I feel comfortable. And I don't think it's fair that people are allowed to judge you on how you feel comfortable.

It doesn't end there.

After all the nonsense in school, I turned to the computer, and got into it. Got into a video game I enjoyed, it's older but it's classic to me and it took some worries away and let me get lost into the virtual world (No, not WoW), but when I did, a group of individuals decided to start a malicious website about me, and took pictures (Nothing horrible) from my facebook, and paste them, defile them, and do disgusting things to them and post them on this website. Stole all my passwords to everything, wished death on me, say some very hateful things, and monitor what I was doing, who I was talking to, What I was talking about and even got in contact with my immediate family somehow. My facebook was and is completely private. These people don't live anywhere near me, yet, they hacked into some sort of account that I don't remember making (I think they made it and impersonated my name)...They found an old "High school friend". To my dreaded horror, it was one of those people who would call me that name. So it started again. In the one place I thought I found a sanctuary away from all the grief.

I can honestly say I've encountered almost every type of bullying there is. There's so much more but I can't fit a lot of what I have been through in one post without saying too much.

It makes you wonder "What have I done?" or if there was a past life you were in, where you were a bully and now you're on the other side of the coin. My self esteem, confidence and emotional strength has been, what seems to be, permanently damaged from all this. If you took the time to read this, I'd like to thank you. I know I'm not alone, but when you're going through it for so long, it really feels like you are.

A little bit of a late reply, but I know how you feel to a degree. Especially with fleeting to the Internet for a sanctuary and ending up finding torment there. I've been through that, been there, and it's painful. I wish I could offer you something more than simply saying "I've been there" but it's all I can do, and you're not alone. I'd give you a hug if I could, really!

Stay strong.

Kinsei wrote:I'll admit, I don't dress to impress. I don't dress overly boyish, or overly girlish. My hair is long, I dress in neutral clothing and I dress to how I feel comfortable. And I don't think it's fair that people are allowed to judge you on how you feel comfortable.

No, I completely agree with you. It's none of their business, ever.

I read all your post. Thank you for writing it, people need to know what impact bullying has. I think it's sometimes dismissed as "something all kids do / go through" and they only regret it once it's too late to change. But it doesn't have to be like that. It shouldn't be.

I read your entire message. It sounds like you've been through a lot.

Those "friends" who you would have given your shirt to sound like real assholes. I absolutely find those types of people reprehensible -- you help them and they end up abusing you. The best thing to do in that situation would be to ditch them and find new friends. Friends who show you the respect you deserve.

Those teachers who failed to defend you are pretty common. They're losers. The best thing to do is transcend them.

Thanks to everyone for their replies! It's much appreciated.

isabellarose wrote:A little bit of a late reply, but I know how you feel to a degree. Especially with fleeting to the Internet for a sanctuary and ending up finding torment there. I've been through that, been there, and it's painful. I wish I could offer you something more than simply saying "I've been there" but it's all I can do, and you're not alone. I'd give you a hug if I could, really!

Stay strong.

It actually took a lot for me to post this alone. At one point I had this person online stalking me and finding all my accounts to everything and ridiculing me for things I did online (Nothing I've done bad) but they've tried impersonating my names and making me out to be something terrible and disgusting. Unfortunately with the internet, people come on here thinking "I can get away with this and that, so I will do this and that because I can't do it in real life to people". So people end up getting tortured pretty harshly online as well.

Ada wrote:No, I completely agree with you. It's none of their business, ever.

I read all your post. Thank you for writing it, people need to know what impact bullying has. I think it's sometimes dismissed as "something all kids do / go through" and they only regret it once it's too late to change. But it doesn't have to be like that. It shouldn't be.

It might be none of their business, but for some reason people want to make it their business, as if you're hurting them for the way you dress or act. Bullying isn't something short term or something people get over overnight, you're absolutely right. It has a long term effect on self esteem, self confidence and your general opinion on everyone. I never had "Social anxiety" symptoms before this, but now I'm weary of everyone. Thinking everyone judges me, is talking about me, etc. It's not a very nice feeling, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Kenneth wrote:I read your entire message. It sounds like you've been through a lot.

Those "friends" who you would have given your shirt to sound like real assholes. I absolutely find those types of people reprehensible -- you help them and they end up abusing you. The best thing to do in that situation would be to ditch them and find new friends. Friends who show you the respect you deserve.

Those teachers who failed to defend you are pretty common. They're losers. The best thing to do is transcend them.

I have been through quite a bit, but I'm sure it gets much worse for many people. Mine was just a very lengthy bully trip.

The fact that teachers/principles and other older generations thought nothing of it and brushed it off is what made it more harmful for me. It irks me that just now they're trying to do something about it. All these people taking a stand against bullying and such, why wasn't this done sooner? It could have prevented a lot of harm and suicides that were related to bullying.

But yes, now that almost every friend I've had has walked all over me, I have limited myself to one good friend. That's all that is needed at the moment for me.

I just hope people do read my story and realize that they're not alone. Even if you are older and still get picked on for who you are. That doesn't mean you should stop being who you are because no one in the world can take that away from you.

Kinsei wrote:Thinking everyone judges me, is talking about me, etc. It's not a very nice feeling, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

You're right. People are always going to think things, and a lot of them do judge you. Now ask yourself how many of them will ever sit on the Supreme Court.

Hint...
Not many! Why? Because they're lousy judges! So don't let them convict you of anything.