Can bullying be warranted?

Being the omega male I am, I've been the object of a great deal of verbal bullying in the past few years (I am in high school). The purpose of this thread isn't to gain sympathy from the reader, so don't bother tapping me on the shoulder telling me that I should be strong and whatever.

Until recently, I was shy beyond stupidity, extremely awkward, and all this manifested in extraordinarily defensive body language (walking with my head down, avoiding eye contact, speaking quietly, etc). In short, I was odd.

Partially, not entirely, that I ended up like this was my fault. I withdrew from society intentionally when I was 12 - I was not rejected, in fact, I was actively sought after by my friends. It was my, free, decision. Also, I never participated in any sports for years so I became physically fragile.

Still, I had extremely bad growing-up, psychologically abusive mother, parental fights, etc. I, myself, have attracted a few mental illnesses myself as a consequence and even spent a month in a mental hospital last year.

Still, however, the fact that I almost intentionally chose to be a social outcast, is my - or anyone who makes similar choices - suffering warranted? If you want to be respected, you need to be willing to put in the effort to fit in, one which I never did. Though I am working to change this.

The answer to your question is no.

Bullies are highly insecure idiots. You seem like a very intelligent person who thinks for himself. This may well be why you were bullied. In other words the bullies were motivated by envy.

There's no shame in being the target of bullying. All the shame lies with the bullies.

In my experience, bullies are not usually insecure. There are some that are genuinely supremely self-confident. Many are even highly intelligent.

When's the last time you saw a bully picking on someone bigger than them? If the bully's supporters were behind him for backup it doesn't count.

I was bullied in the workplace. I never complained to any supervisor, but I should have done. After putting up with months of crap, the very first time I defied the bully the lousy coward went and bitched to the boss. The boss, in fairness to him, took my side. But he should have realised the extent of the problem and fired the dick.

If you want to join the masses of people who enable bullying, go ahead. You'll have plenty of company.

floatingtree wrote:When's the last time you saw a bully picking on someone bigger than them? If the bully's supporters were behind him for backup it doesn't count.

That does not necessarily make them insecure. They bully for the cruel thrill of it.

If you want to join the masses of people who enable bullying, go ahead. You'll have plenty of company.

It's not that I want to join anything, I'm just trying to think rationally.

Why were you bullied? Is it for something you could change?

Dice, stop victim-blaming. Bullying is never warranted. It is a choice the bully makes, not the person being bullied, to be intentionally cruel and abusive towards another because they think they are better. There is nothing wrong with being shy, and even if god forbid you have something different with you, you do not deserve to be abused because of it.

Why was I bullied? Because I was there. The bully was a control freak who thought that because he was older, he had the right to boss me around. He didn't. When I'm at work I tend to concentrate on the work, instead of power struggles and office politics. This can be enough to make you a target. I've learned to deflect bullying attempts. For example, this guy started making comments about my work a while back. I just said, with a smile on my face, "I can't understand your accent!" and he stopped.


Here's a link about bullying myths:
http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/myths.htm


I was bullied a bit in school too, but I don't want to think too much about it.

Pathos wrote:Dice, stop victim-blaming.

I am doing no such a thing. I am asking a question, and thinking aloud.

Do you think I would like to think I deserve my bullying? Of course not.

I have a friend who was verbally made fun of throughout the entirety of high school. He's changed now, and become stronger, and claims he thinks he deserved it all. He blames himself because he was too much of a coward to stand up for himself and put in the effort to become a 'man'.

I haven't made any positive claims.Bullying is never warranted. It is a choice the bully makes, not the person being bullied, to be intentionally cruel and abusive towards another because they think they are better. There is nothing wrong with being shy, and even if god forbid you have something different with you, you do not deserve to be abused because of it.

Well, as far as I can see, this is all just opinion. There are intelligent bullies who would disagree with you.

It's not just 'shyness'. I walked, talked, and behaved like an extremely odd individual (some would say, 'like a retard').

"Deserving" is a relative term. It could be argued bullying is a natural part of the human pecking order. Those ranked lower on the totem pole are naturally picked on by their social superiors.

dice3510 wrote:I am doing no such a thing. I am asking a question, and thinking aloud.

The fact that what you are posting is a question or your thoughts does not change the fact that it is blaming the victim. You can't excuse things away by saying 'it's a question' or 'it's just a thought'. Questions and thoughts are just as meaningful as anything else, and these ones are blaming the victim. It doesn't matter who you want to blame, it matters who you are blaming.

dice3510 wrote:I have a friend who was verbally made fun of throughout the entirety of high school. He's changed now, and become stronger, and claims he thinks he deserved it all. He blames himself because he was too much of a coward to stand up for himself and put in the effort to become a 'man'.

I'm not sure what this anecdote is supposed to prove - that your friend is better for the bullying, or worse? Either way, anecdotes =/= statistics. Statistics say that bullying causes people life-long trauma and even suicide.

dice3510 wrote:"Deserving" is a relative term. It could be argued bullying is a natural part of the human pecking order. Those ranked lower on the totem pole are naturally picked on by their social superiors.

It sounds like you are a supporter of social darwinism. If this is the case there is no point in me even talking to you.

Pathos wrote:The fact that what you are posting is a question or your thoughts does not change the fact that it is blaming the victim. You can't excuse things away by saying 'it's a question' or 'it's just a thought'. Questions and thoughts are just as meaningful as anything else, and these ones are blaming the victim. It doesn't matter who you want to blame, it matters who you are blaming.

No, asking the question of "Should we blame the victim?" is not the equivalent of making the statement that "We should blame the victim." Thus, I am not blaming any victims.

I'm not sure what this anecdote is supposed to prove - that your friend is better for the bullying, or worse?

It's not the bullying itself that aided him, but my point is that there are victims of bullying who don't adopt the victim mentality so many do.

Statistics say that bullying causes people life-long trauma and even suicide.

Please show me that.

It sounds like you are a supporter of social darwinism. If this is the case there is no point in me even talking to you.

I'll have to look into that, I'm not entirely sure what it is. I don't think some groups are inherently superior or inferior to others, but there certainly is a social ladder wherein which lesser ranking members get marginalized and bullied by the higher-ranking ones. It is also true that a desire for dominance is natural and present in nearly all humans.

And, whether I am a social Darwinist or not, I maintain that the concept of 'deserving' is subjective.