my story

After seeing all the stupid public outcry in recent articles about the teen girl who got plastic surgery on her ears and nose etc. It sparked my distaste of all these opinionated individuals who haven't been bullied that think parents of bullies etc should be contacted, everyone is unique and beautiful in their own way, blah blah blah.

I see no problem in what the girl did. I was bullied my whole adolescence for a multitude of reasons. I was pigeon toed until junior high due to a fast growth spurt which fixed itself. I had a lisp due to a major underbite which i had to fix. My digestive system didnt slow down during sleep so I would have to avoid intaking fluids around 5 P.M. or risk a 50/50 chance of wetting the bed which didnt stop until age 18 randomly. I started growing body hair before high school to the point that it did supplement looks but just made me overly hairy and to top it off I started having my hair thin on my head while still in high school. I also grew up in a single parent family with my mother and brother and my brother was in with all the kids and aided in bullying and spent time in and out of juvenile hall and jail which i haven nothing but 2 fix it tickets for a broken blinker and no front liscense plate on my car. As a result I became a pacifist and harbored everything until the point of exploding in a couple fist fights. It made me very shy and socially inexperienced which further made things worse. Now as a 26 year old adult, I have had only 1 girlfriend which failed miserably because of my social inexperience and not knowing anything about it. I am having to learn things I should have learned in school while at the same time trying to get full time college done. Ya I can accomplish more in the fields of mathematics and science than the majority of people can dream of due to focusing more on studies than friends, but I would trade that for a filling social life any day of the week. Just to feel presentable I go to the gym 5/7 days a week and I shave my chest, back, shoulders etc and cross my fingers for no ingrown hairs and red bumps in those areas afterwords. If I had the money, I would get lazer hair removal treatments to permanently get rid of the back and shoulder hair and shape my chest hair to not be gone but be less. The Chuck Norris and Tom Sullick hairy look isn't favored by the current generation of youth. Unless people stop thinking everyone has to look like supermodels, there is only 2 options for people in my position or a girl like this. We can either find ways to hide or fix the issues or settle for what we can get. I don't believe in settling. If it isn't mutual, I don't accept it period. If all parents etc dont like things like plastic surgery and over the top diets for mesomorphs etc. Then get rid of the shallow behavior of the new generation which you can't do.

I understand the people trying to help. But developing a mind set such as "I am beautiful in my own way" etc is just settling for what is. We don't want to just be content. We want to be happy and that only happens socially if people WANT you around and dont just do it to be nice or because they feel bad. I get more attention now that I have been at the gym for a while and am in college but I do not know how to take the next step for anything. I can't usually get passed opening conversations with girls and when I do, I always mess it up after a date etc because I run out of stuff to talk about and I dont have many positive topics about my past to bring up and don't want to be negative. Plus I didn't really develop the means to express empathy, anger, etc when I am feeling them because I am so used to harboring everything. So I don't always know how to act when someone needs a shoulder etc because I void it out. I don't defend myself often because I am a large guy. I stand at 6'4" and even my first time touching a bench press in early high school after no weight training I could pump 200 easy. Now I dwarf that and I have always felt I needed to avoid physical confrontation because I am afraid I'll hurt someone in a fight and I don't want to be labeled as a criminal and my bullies made me feel like eventually I was going to be a future sociopath or something and I live to prove them wrong and figure out how to be social and fill that part of life. Academics are the easy part, I am a Mathematics Major and I am getting ready to search for where I want to go to grad school.