Can someone point me in the right direction?

I know this post may be a bit long but please bear with me and read it through. We don't know where to turn. I live in New York State. My Goddaughter is 10 and within the last month has been diagnosed with Aspergers (something I have suspected since she was two and explains her "quirks.) She is very smart and used to love school. For the past several years she has been bullied and this year is the worst. Her mother drives her to and from school because she refused to ride the bus. The child who used to love school cries every morning begging not to go to the point of throwing up. She does not have a single friend in school...not one! When she goes to lunch in the cafeteria and sits down at a table the children at that table get up and move. She recently asked her mother "do you know how that makes me feel?" Oh Cayla..we sure do. Our hearts ache for her. Recently, in the cafeteria, other students threw garbage at her. A few months ago one child threatened to "kill" her. The child was suspended for one day. A few weeks later this same child stabbed Cayla with a pencil and was suspended for a week. She is constantly hit, kicked, slapped in the back of the head, tripped, and shoved. We told her to hit back since personell won't help and she said "I can't do that...I'm not that type of person." Because of Cayla's aspergers she does not fit in well with her peers but boy can she engage with adults. She is so smart. When she was 3 she came home from preschool telling her mother "Tyler is my arch nemesis." What 3 year old has that kind of vocabulary? Well...a child with Asperger's might. She does not wear jeans because she does not like the way they feel. She prefers silky feeling pants. She rips all the tags out of her shirts because they annoy her. She won't wear things with sequins or sparkles because they annoy her. The sad thing is it is not just the children who bully her. It is some teachers as well. Cayla is super sensative to how her body feels and she began having what she calls "tingles" when she gets hot. She explained to her gym teacher her feelings and wanted to sit out an activity. The teacher said to her in front of the class "your just lazy." Last week in a class they were discussing trips they had taken. Cayla raised her hand and began to discuss a field trip. This teacher said, in front of the class again," we are not talking about field trips...you need to pay attention..that is why your report card is so bad." She has been admonished in front of the class for taking to long in the bathroom...she has constipation issues as well as a need to meticulously wash her hands and wipe the sink. Believe me...I know she can be trying. She spends 2 weekends a month with me to give her mom a break. Thank God she has loving understanding adults in her life outside of school. Her mother has had several meetings with the school regarding Cayla being bullied by students and teachers. The gym teacher was told by the administration to "behave more professionally" and that seems to have gotten better. The most recent problem was a few weeks ago. After incidents in school Cayla was refusing to go and crying...again to the point of throwing up. Her mom kept her home and the poor kid was so exhausted she slept most of the day. She called the school and asked that the principal call her. He did not. She kept Cayla home the next day and called the school again, asking that the principal call her. He did not. Finally, on day three, she kept her home again and called saying that until a meeting was held she would be keeping Cayla home. The child missed seven days of school. The outcome? Her mom was told that Cayla needed to be her own advocate and go to a teacher when bulled. Cayla refuses to do this saying the bullying just gets worse. What can we do? I want the school district to send her to the next district over next year. I have heard it can be done but that schools do not want to pay the tuition to have a child go to another district. This child's school life is unbearable. Her self esteem is diminshed day by day. They are ruining her. The family has limited resources. I want to know what they can do legally to make this stop. Can they get some sort of legal aid lawyer to advocate for Cayla? She told her mother recently "did you know some kids who are bullied kill themselves?" I want her at a different school! It is not going to get better where she is. For the rest of her years at school the children will mistreat her. She presently gets counseling at school (she claims all they do is play games) and she recieves OT for her fine motor issues. She does not belong in special ed because that will hold her back...she is too smart for that. Does anyone know what we can do to save this child? Watching her go through this is killing all of us. I told her mother to take her out of school and refuse to send her until they move her to another school but her mother is afraid she will fall behind. I say...what's the difference? She can't learn in the environment she is in now. If anyone knows any links where we can get help or any NYS education laws regarding what the school can do please let me know. I was bullied at school and I know if effecting my entire childhood and teen years and to this day (I am 48). Thank you for any help you can give.
Robin L. Eckert

Robinleckert, welcome. This is a case of bullying on two scales. First your Goddaughter is being bullied by kids, but secondly and more seriously, she is being bullied by teachers. No wonder she is so unhappy at school. Have you thought of taking the matter to the headmistress/headmaster of the school? If not, I recommend you make an appointment to see them and explain what is going on. The teachers obviously have no experience at dealing with a student with Aspergers. Once the Head is aware of what is going on, hopefully the teachers will be disciplined, and the bullying will stop. If it doesn't, I would suggest you look for an alternative school for your Goddaughter. Sorry, I've just read that you have been to the Head. Telling a child with Aspergers that they need to be their own advocate, is crazy! I would seriously think about finding a school which can more closely meet your daughters needs.

I have a friend who is the Aunt of a child who is deaf(the Mother died of a cancerous brain tumour)and has ADHD. Due to behavioural problems, the school she attended felt that she was a problem, and basically ostrasized the child from the school. She now attends a school for children who are deaf and have behavioural problems. You may find that by putting her in a school that can better deal with her Aspergers, that she will be happier.