Bully Victims Victimized Even More

I am black but I have noticed this problem. There is something seriously wrong with people, seriously seriously wrong with people.

Yes we live in a society where people get away with calling people ch**ks and g**ks. And personally we live in a society where you can call people c*nts and h*s. Have reclaim sl*t and b*tch but obviously you can't reclaim c*nt, h*, ch*nk, or g**k so that's sad.

I would be careful personally. You can get killed. I could have been killed a few times for fighting back. Or fired or suspended or bullied again.

As far as that whole revictimization thing, I'm extremely paranoid about that. For example I have developed a very distinct personality as a result of bullying and people might be like oh she's just setting out to be weird because she thinks it's cool because then that's blaming the victim.

I'm very paranoid in general. I feel like most people seriously do not have lives. They just have nothing better to do after work than watch TV and go on facebook and not think about serious things. So they mask their insecurities by making you their chew toy.

So as far as I'm concerned f the world.

Hi Kenneth,

I have the same sort of trouble. It goes like this:

-Bully spreads lies about me behind my back.
-I try to talk to the bully about the lies.
- Bully says I'm imagining it and that I'm paranoid.
- I say I'm not being paranoid.
- Bully becomes very asssertive and insists I'm paranoid and there must be something seriously wrong with me.
- I become assertive in response.
-Bully says I'm being aggressive.
- I give up.
- Bully goes round telling everyone how highly aggressive and paranoid I am.
- I find some other way to get my own back on the bully.
- The bully tells everyone I am a bully.

I must be a complete idiot.

My primary age child is currently the victim of some bullying by children who are supposedly his friends. They're not beating him up or anything like that but mostly name calling, tripping him up or throwing small objects at him. The school class this as low level bullying and admit a lot of it goes on. Their remedy for this is to send him to the school psyche to empower him to not become the victim i.e. strategies to help him interact appropriately with children his age. Ok I admit that he doesn't have any friends or should I say true friends but since when has it become his responsibility to change the way he interacts with other children in order to stop him being picked on? At this stage, i should add that although he has some behavioural problems, he himself does not bully. I totally agree that he needs help to change/improve his social behaviour/skills but it still feels to me that the school is placing the emphasis on the victim to change their behaviour to stop them being victims of bullying rather than address the real problem - the bullies themselves. So when my child's issues has been addressed what will the bullies do? Yes, find someone else to pick on!

So yes in short, I feel my child is being further victimized by the way the school is handling this problem. They should confront the REAL problem by stopping the bullies in their tracks before they do it to someone else.

I fully agree, Ski robot. Have you challenged the school on this? Or taken it further up the ladder with the school governors or local board of education?

Hi Ada thanks for reading. And no I have not taken this any further yet as it has only recently occurred. I have spoken to the teacher (who suggested the school psyche) and have written a lengthy letter to the headmaster. His reply was to address a completely separate request (which I had also included in the letter to save writing twice) and ignored the bulk of the letter. I would have expected at least an invite for my partner and I to go and discuss the situation. Not satisfactory. I don't know... Maybe it's because it's coming to the end of the school year in Australia so wrong timing to deal with these issues... or else blinkers are on? I said I'd be happy for my child to see the school psyche about his social behaviour so we'll give them a week to see what they come up with.

Another thing is i do speak to the parents of the kids involved (playground talk) and am wondering whether it's easier just to approach them direct and let them know what's been going on and ask if they would mind speaking to their children. I guess if the situation was reversed, I would like them to approach me rather than go to the school but that's just me. The school has guidelines against this as I suppose it could lead to confrontations - we all like to think our children can do no wrong . Also I worry about comeback for my child as in they will think he's a rat and further isolate him. It's a no win situation for him

It seems a little like they hope this will all go away over the summer. And that may not be a bad approach, but they should be honest with you that that's what they're doing. In a face-to-face discussion.

The discussion with the other parents, I don't know. I agree with you that if it was my kid, I'd want to know. But I'm not a parent, and I don't know what I'd say to a child to make it stop and not escalate or change target. That's why I prefer the school tackling it. If everyone knows there's a strong anti-bullying policy, that it isn't acceptable, and why, it's much easier to nudge kids into better behaviour patterns. There's also the possibility that the bullies are themselves being bullied at home, and are acting out, so talking to their parents would make that worse. No way to know.

Ada I agree with u on both counts. It may just blow over and a fresh start for next year. Kids are cruel but they do grow up and either get tired of teasing people or just grow out of it - I can say this from personal experience (and no I was not the bully

Although the parents seem decent enough, u never know what goes on behind closed doors and how they would react to u accusing their children directly. I will hold my tongue - better to use school as mediators if only they would act!

Thanks for listening