Bully Victims Victimized Even More

It's not always the bullying itself that causes problems for the victim. It goes deeper.

I was bullied by black people when I was a child. I don't feel particularly embarrassed by this. As an adult, I am the exact opposite of what I was when I was a child.

However, the effects of bullying didn't end there. Whenever I fought back for whatever reason, people would always assume that it was because I was bullied, and therefore, they thought I was merely trying to pick a fight. One person even remarked of me, "I always took Kenneth for someone who was bullied his entire life and responded by lashing out at the world. Let's hear some relevant opinions instead."

Essentially, this is further victimizing the victim. At one point, a black student was making racist remarks about Asians, and when I defended myself, all of the white students sided with her, and reported me to the dean, citing that I was the racist. Even after I told my side of the story, the whites continued to insist that I was at fault, and that I needed "psychiatric help."

This is a serious problem that must be addressed immediately. Does anyone have any ideas on how to take action? I can't think of anything offhand.

Kenneth wrote:It's not always the bullying itself that causes problems for the victim. It goes deeper.

I was bullied by black people when I was a child. I don't feel particularly embarrassed by this. As an adult, I am the exact opposite of what I was when I was a child.

However, the effects of bullying didn't end there. Whenever I fought back for whatever reason, people would always assume that it was because I was bullied, and therefore, they thought I was merely trying to pick a fight. One person even remarked of me, "I always took Kenneth for someone who was bullied his entire life and responded by lashing out at the world. Let's hear some relevant opinions instead."

Essentially, this is further victimizing the victim. At one point, a black student was making racist remarks about Asians, and when I defended myself, all of the white students sided with her, and reported me to the dean, citing that I was the racist. Even after I told my side of the story, the whites continued to insist that I was at fault, and that I needed "psychiatric help."

This is a serious problem that must be addressed immediately. Does anyone have any ideas on how to take action? I can't think of anything offhand.

That is a serious problem, since it follows a pattern. If you lash out to the abuser you will quickly see how the abuser cries a river over being abused and being the victim - it's insane

One thing that I have noticed is that bullies lack emotional intelligence, when you start reasoning with them they start accusing you of mental or emotional problems and 'concerns' for your health. It's useless to debate with them, because everything you say is deliberately twisted into something else.

Someone wrote here the same thing I was thinking a few weeks ago: it's like living in some freaking twilight zone where reality is twisted and you just look around and think that this can't be happening

My advice would be not to use any extra energy on them, not to defend yourself in any way. If they don't understand you the first time, then they are not going to understand you later on. They are only using you as their 'toy'.

Say something nice and respectful and walk away. You can be sure that there are many silent persons who admire your class and character. Set an example and try to forget. Stop every debate in your head and think of something else instead. They are not worth it because they didn't even want to understand you in the first place. Sooner or later you will forget about it and most importantly; you get distance and see things from many angles without getting the feeling of having to defend yourself. Try to be with people who accept and love you for yourself, because a real friend never puts you in a defensive position

Hi Kenneth,

I am sorry you were bullied as a child and treated so unfairly in college. I am not sure though what you mean when you ask how to take action? Do you see the problem as a deeper one that lies in the school system? It's my impression that you see bullying as something bigger than just some unenlightened individuals taking their frustrations on others, but I may be wrong. Can you explain?

WM

WiseMonkey wrote:Hi Kenneth,

I am sorry you were bullied as a child and treated so unfairly in college. I am not sure though what you mean when you ask how to take action? Do you see the problem as a deeper one that lies in the school system? It's my impression that you see bullying as something bigger than just some unenlightened individuals taking their frustrations on others, but I may be wrong. Can you explain?

WM

I think it's a large scale thing, especially for Asians. I think the only thing an individual can do is continue standing up for himself. However, action on a greater scale is needed, and unless you're a politician or journalist there is nothing to do.

I agree that changes have to be made on a larger scale. The whole society should change the attitude toward bullying and assume collective responsibility for making changes. But even if you are not a politician or a journalist, you can still do something. You can raise public awareness by blogging about it. People who come across your blog will at least start thinking about it.

WM

LoveAndLight wrote:

Kenneth wrote:It's not always the bullying itself that causes problems for the victim. It goes deeper.

I was bullied by black people when I was a child. I don't feel particularly embarrassed by this. As an adult, I am the exact opposite of what I was when I was a child.

However, the effects of bullying didn't end there. Whenever I fought back for whatever reason, people would always assume that it was because I was bullied, and therefore, they thought I was merely trying to pick a fight. One person even remarked of me, "I always took Kenneth for someone who was bullied his entire life and responded by lashing out at the world. Let's hear some relevant opinions instead."

Essentially, this is further victimizing the victim. At one point, a black student was making racist remarks about Asians, and when I defended myself, all of the white students sided with her, and reported me to the dean, citing that I was the racist. Even after I told my side of the story, the whites continued to insist that I was at fault, and that I needed "psychiatric help."

This is a serious problem that must be addressed immediately. Does anyone have any ideas on how to take action? I can't think of anything offhand.

That is a serious problem, since it follows a pattern. If you lash out to the abuser you will quickly see how the abuser cries a river over being abused and being the victim - it's insane

One thing that I have noticed is that bullies lack emotional intelligence, when you start reasoning with them they start accusing you of mental or emotional problems and 'concerns' for your health. It's useless to debate with them, because everything you say is deliberately twisted into something else.

Someone wrote here the same thing I was thinking a few weeks ago: it's like living in some freaking twilight zone where reality is twisted and you just look around and think that this can't be happening

My advice would be not to use any extra energy on them, not to defend yourself in any way. If they don't understand you the first time, then they are not going to understand you later on. They are only using you as their 'toy'.

Say something nice and respectful and walk away. You can be sure that there are many silent persons who admire your class and character. Set an example and try to forget. Stop every debate in your head and think of something else instead. They are not worth it because they didn't even want to understand you in the first place. Sooner or later you will forget about it and most importantly; you get distance and see things from many angles without getting the feeling of having to defend yourself. Try to be with people who accept and love you for yourself, because a real friend never puts you in a defensive position

I can relate to that. I have dealt with bullies all my life. If you so much as sit up for yourself, they will turn into crybabies and whine about how their lives are so messed up. At one point I put my foot down and told him. "I did not cause what happened to you when you were five years old. I wasn't even born then. Okay, you got told no when you were 5. I am not the one who did that to you, so back up off of me."

Bullies are animals. Unfortunately, they are very popular. If you fight a bully, be prepared to take the world on.

I agree. However, bullies are not necessarily insecure. Some of them do it for pleasure. These people are born sadistic. According to my therapist, some kids torture little animals as soon as they are able to walk. It is my opinion that behavior is controlled by genetics, not environment.

Yeah, bullies are very popular. I've seen in many instances that bullies are practically worshiped by weaker individuals who think it's cool to be the friend of a sadistic person.

You're right that they turn into crybabies. I had one encounter when I was in school with a black kid. He was constantly pushing people around and discriminating against Asians like me. The other teens were pretty much licking his boots. However, when I criticized him in front of all his groupie friends, he suddenly backed down and asked me why I was so mean to him. After I embarrassed him, his "friends" turned on him and started bullying him. One might have said this was a victory, and it was. Nonetheless, I find it disturbing the way these teenagers behaved. It seemed like their entire lives revolved around being cool.

I haven't had much social interaction as a child or an adult, so I don't know if adults behave in the same way. I sure hope not...

Kenneth wrote:However, the effects of bullying didn't end there. Whenever I fought back for whatever reason, people would always assume that it was because I was bullied, and therefore, they thought I was merely trying to pick a fight. One person even remarked of me, "I always took Kenneth for someone who was bullied his entire life and responded by lashing out at the world. Let's hear some relevant opinions instead."

Thats horrible. The most frustrating thing is when people don´t take you serious. Or dont believe in you when youre telling the truth!

I think what they are doing is that they silence you because they dont like it when someone starts a "fuss"(usually concerning a problem that people are uncomfortable talking about). Many people just wanna go through life smoothly without any bumps. If they´re ok, why should they worry about other peoples problems? People want to get away from things that make them feel bad, such as worries and conflicts. I mean, dont we all?

The problem in the end is that in society we dont learn how to handle conflicts in a comfortable way.
We learn that when theres a conflict theres no solution and mostly it ends with hate. We have accepted that there simply is war and famine and thats just it. But conflicts shouldnt mean that there will be a war breaking out because of it, it should mean that there´s a problem and we gotta solve it together. It should just be a normal thing that you sometimes have to deal with.

So if we learned this then people wouldnt get so afraid and annoyed when someone brings up a problem or creates a "fuss".

Kenneth wrote:It is my opinion that behavior is controlled by genetics, not environment.

See the "child of rage"-documentary on youtube. Its about a 6 and a half year old child who already have develop psychopathy.

Kenneth wrote:This is a serious problem that must be addressed immediately. Does anyone have any ideas on how to take action? I can't think of anything offhand.

Don't tell people you were bullied in any way then they won't be able to use the information against you?

Or if they are not worth the bother just ditch them and get on with something better.