How NOT to be Bullied in Life

Hello everyone. This is my initial post to this forum.

Bullies are cowards as we know and cherry-pick their victims based on perceived or exposed 'openings' in victims' personalities.

As the saying goes, the best offense is a good defense. What this means is to exhibit behaviors that would dissuade a bully from initiating any verbal, emotional, or physical malfeasance towards you. Here are some quick tips that come to mind:

1. Talk confidently
2. Have a firm handshake
3. Put bass in your voice
4. Walk straight with your head held up high
5. Put some pep in your step (it's ok to have a little attitude in your walk)
6. Always look someone directly in the eye when speaking to them
7. Try not to be too quiet
8. Unless they greet you first, do not greet them.
9. Avoid smiling at the person, as kindness may be taken for weakness
10. Never apologize/say "I'm sorry"

The logic here is to let the other person *earn* your kindness. If you expose it right away, someone with controlling/bullying tendencies will try to exploit it to their advantage.

Hi, philaman01! Thank you for the post How do you know about these tricks?

Too late.

I agree. I never smile at anyone unless I am genuinely happy. And I'm almost never happy. Actually, forget the "almost". I'm never happy.

-- Wed Mar 28, 2012 2:22 am --

Actually there is one thing I disagree with -- you seem to advocate aggression at all times. I prefer to use aggression in moderation because sometimes it is not strategic.

It helped me twice to get a new, fresh haircut.

Im a girl and the bullies were boys, so i guess i sort of turned bulliyng into attraction (which can be a lethal weapon).

It also helped me to read books about manipulating people with body language.
Try and mirror their poses, the speed of their movements (but not too obvious) that will make them feel like you are familiar and that you have something in common.
It helped me to do so, i think my bully felt that i wasn't so strange and weird since i sort of "spoke his language".

That is very interesting and I will definitely think about your suggestions - Thankyou

philaman01 wrote:1. Talk confidently
2. Have a firm handshake
3. Put bass in your voice
4. Walk straight with your head held up high
5. Put some pep in your step (it's ok to have a little attitude in your walk)
6. Always look someone directly in the eye when speaking to them
7. Try not to be too quiet
8. Unless they greet you first, do not greet them.

I think the above are genuinely needed - else people, if not bully you, would certainly think you're too weak to stay in the society.

9. Avoid smiling at the person, as kindness may be taken for weakness
10. Never apologize/say "I'm sorry"

While here, I disagree a bit. I feel, Philaman01, a smiling person is usually liked by people. I smile a lot myself, it comes naturally as I see people. I think smiling is an act of spreading love and happiness. If you're confident in what you do, firm in your voice and you smile, I doubt anyone would ever consider you weak.
And also, apologizing comes under good etiquette. It's not confident, but rude to not apologize when you step on their toe, or spill coffee on their shirt, you see? Though often "Excuse me" maybe replaced by "I'm sorry".

My opinion:

The tricks at the start of this article all sound pretty useful, but to anyone outside they're likely to appear "put on" unless you have the confidence to carry them off.
Also, you need to understand that the textbook idea of a bully as a coward and an abused person is not always true. I bully people, and I have done for years; both physically and emotionally. I do this because it amuses me and because of my medical condition. If I saw someone trying to "act" their way out of being bullied that would raise a flag to me and make me more likely to have some fun.

This is how to deal with a person who is abusing you, whether it's classed as bullying or not:
1/ A bully expects weakness from the victim. Expects crying, begging, reasoning etc - so if you try this it's not going to work. This is part of the fun. Act in an unexpected way. Sing loudly, dance, start talking about some random issue that has no bearing on the situation. Showing that you're not affected by the torment makes it less amusing.
2/ Understand that being hit isn't really that bad - it might hurt for a day or two, but people tell me that it's the way it makes them feel inside that hurts the longest. So, go in hard and fast. The person who wins the fight is not the strongest or the fastest, it's the person who has no boundaries. Punch, kick, slap, do whatever it takes. Bullies don't want to get hurt, and although you may well lose, if you manage to get some damage in they'll go and look for an easier target. One thing on your side is they won't be expecting you to attack, so get a good one in first - face, stomach, crotch.
3/ Follow them around - turn the tables on them. Keep cropping up where they are and talking to them in a crowded place. About random stuff. Ask their favorite colour, what their first pet's name was. This unusual behaviour is not what they expect and not what amuses them.
4/ Take up some form of self defense class.
5/ If you're bullied by a group, find the individuals when they're alone. This type of bully is very much a coward and approaching them seperately and getting in their face will have a dramatic effect.

I agree with the OP. Smiling is pleasant, but it can also be disarming. you dont want to be disarming around a bully, you want to keep them guessing. Smile at friends, family, potential employers, small children, animals. Dont smile where you need badassery. These things might seem difficult at first, and they will be, but if you put forth the effort and train yourself it will make a difference in time.
Dont crumple into being a victim, it will make the bullying last forever, and you dont want that.

philaman01 wrote:Hello everyone. This is my initial post to this forum.

Bullies are cowards as we know and cherry-pick their victims based on perceived or exposed 'openings' in victims' personalities.

As the saying goes, the best offense is a good defense. What this means is to exhibit behaviors that would dissuade a bully from initiating any verbal, emotional, or physical malfeasance towards you. Here are some quick tips that come to mind:

1. Talk confidently
2. Have a firm handshake
3. Put bass in your voice
4. Walk straight with your head held up high
5. Put some pep in your step (it's ok to have a little attitude in your walk)
6. Always look someone directly in the eye when speaking to them
7. Try not to be too quiet
8. Unless they greet you first, do not greet them.
9. Avoid smiling at the person, as kindness may be taken for weakness
10. Never apologize/say "I'm sorry"

The logic here is to let the other person *earn* your kindness. If you expose it right away, someone with controlling/bullying tendencies will try to exploit it to their advantage.

Too true. As soon as I adopted this kind of behavior, my "bully" started easing off of me... slowly.