I feel so weak.

I've had trouble with bullying my entire life. From elementary school on. I cannot remember the full extent of my bullying experiences from elementary - middle school (grades 1 through 8 ), but I remember the small things. I've had food thrown at me, been teased for being friends with the girl who got lice, and had two "toxic friends", one of which I'm still chained with. Those, I remember. I later moved across the city to a new high school, and even there I was bullied, like I've had trash and food tossed into my backpack. This, I remember most of. Especially one incident:

Sophomore year, we had this class called Lifetime Sports, which is a different kind of PE class. At one point we had to repel off of the bleachers. The school was two stories, so the bleachers were pretty high up. My two "partners" who had to be my support while repelling, as fate would have it, were the two girls who picked on me and my two other friends endlessly during the class. I hadn't even taken three steps down when they just let go of the rope!! They let me fall two stories! I wasn't hurt except for a scraped elbow. (I like to think someone broke my fall ), but I hate to imagine what could have happened.Not death of course, but broken bones, or something. But I can't just ignore the fact they were trying to hurt me, and severely had I landed wrong. And they were the coach's pets... it's not like I would have been believed had I told. This all sounds far-fetched anyway.

Now, I have long since moved states. Here, I don't have problem with the school kids being bullies. Now the bully is my new roommate and cousin. She's passive-aggressive, and used to getting her way. She just recently moved in, too. But she would manipulate my brother into getting her way, and she does try with me. I allow some of it, because certain things trigger me, but she still pushes me around in the sense that makes me feel weak. She picks on the way I act, more specifically. Once, she accused me for not being able to find a relationship due to my stubbornness. I admit, I can be stubborn, but this has never caused any problem for me. I'm just not ready to handle that type of commitment. She also asks that I do smaller things for her, like return the shower head to the correct setting, and unplug my laptop charger from the outlet we both share. Is it okay that she asks those things of me? Other times she likes to shine a laser pointer into my eye and asking, "Does this annoy you?" I kind of sit there, going Thanks, my eyesight is already bad enough. But I never say anything...

So, above are just a few incidents among many I have dealt with, but I just sit back and take it all. I can't defend myself. With my cousin, even, I find it degrading. She is younger than I, and my family. I hate that I can't stand up for myself. Why? It makes me feel weak! I don't understand why I'm such a target. I'm small, generally, and an inch or two shorter than average. I am quiet as well; my voice is naturally soft. Could this be why I'm bullied so much? How do I make it stop?

I am sorry to hear about all the bullying you have gone through. I think that it is important to take the brave step of standing up for yourself as that usually makes bullies back down. Try telling your cousin their behaviour in a firm voice and see if that helps. It will feel scary but hopfully it will be effective. Let me know how you get on.

Cracked

Thank you! I'll give it a try... and I'll try harder the next few times. I hope it'll put an end to this :/

Encircled I can relate to what you are feeling. I used to be picked on A LOT and everywhere I went. It's like I had a target painted on my forehead. You have to do what CrackedGirl said and that's stand up for yourself. If a bully gets away with picking on you once they will try it again and keep doing it. You have to let them know you won't let them get away with it. Instead of sitting there saying nothing the next time your cousin points the laser at your eye yell at her. I'm not saying scream at the top of your lungs, just say in a loud voice to knock it off. Believe me it will startle her. She'll think you're fed up with her and might go off on her.

You have to keep telling yourself that no one has the right to pick on you and that YOU won't let it happen. The only person who can stop you from feeling weak is YOU. Unfortunately the smaller, quiet people are often seen as easy targets. You can't help being small but you can help being quiet. Good luck.

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Those girls were the ones who were weak. It is completely ridiculous that they would let you fall 2 stories all because they wanted to make you feel small and make themselves feel big. We all have people we don't like, but I would never try to hurt them. You were the strong one in these situations. The fact that you knew they were bullies yet you went ahead and went and worked with them (despite them utlimately trying to hurt you severely) shows a lot of courage and strength. If I was in the same situation I would have refused to work with them and would have ended up in the principles office...kudos to you

hallja wrote:Those girls were the ones who were weak. It is completely ridiculous that they would let you fall 2 stories all because they wanted to make you feel small and make themselves feel big. We all have people we don't like, but I would never try to hurt them. You were the strong one in these situations. The fact that you knew they were bullies yet you went ahead and went and worked with them (despite them utlimately trying to hurt you severely) shows a lot of courage and strength. If I was in the same situation I would have refused to work with them and would have ended up in the principles office...kudos to you

When people try to seriously injure you, it is not "courageous" or "strong" to "work with them." It's the opposite. It's a profound lack of courage and strength that causes you to be unable to stand up for yourself. You are totally wrong: it's NOT commendable to allow everyone to treat you like a doormat that they make sure to stomp on a few times after they wipe their feet.

If anybody dropped me 2 stories when I was a kid, I would have done a lot more than refused to work with them. I had the police called on me at school once. It would have definitely been twice.

I was in a group that bullied when I was a child. I feel so ashamed of that. I have apologized to the people involved.
I ones got in to a fight. With a nice guy I actually liked. Just because my so called friends told me to go hit him. He was scared but I got unexpected resistance. He did not back down and just hit me back. That boy was never touched again and he got my respect and the respect of anyone around. It does not matter if he got the better of me. The only thing that matters is not to let fear take you over. Make your stand and take what comes and your life will be better for it.

Hope this helps.

Training and counseling and time.. You need help, you need to talk to someone about this and learn a new way to live. Notice I didn't bring up the bully. The problems is, you live in a situation with bullies, If you continue to do so, you will have to gain outside help to learn how to deal with them correctly. Most bullies back down to authority. They believe they can get away with stuff. . You will have to bring those authorities in.. I would suggest a counsellor to start the process. If you do nothing, nothing will change..

This is all horrific and humiliating, However, no one will rescue you. You will have to be willing to go forward and start the process for change.

Bullies do back off when the powers that can deal with the bullies get involved. I was bullied(only verbally)for some time by a teenage boy who thought he was 'it', and I tried the tactic of ignoring him(I forgot to mention, he had a gang of subbordinates! I was bullied in public situations, and one day the bully made his mistake. He verbally abused me with a gesture that one of my friends witnessed. I decided to ring the police! The bully got cautioned, and he never abused me again.