Adult bullying online AND in real life

I am hurting so much today. This forum is not very active but it would be nice to hear from someone. I'm having a really hard time.

I feel like I get called ugly all the time everywhere I go. I look like a human being, I wear fitted clothes, I'm clean, I am nice to people and overall there's nothing wrong with me. But as an adult woman now I still have the problem with guys shouting harsh insults at me in public and it is really chipping away at me.

I was bullied severely from late elementary school until high school. And I thought it was over after that. I was told people stop doing that after high school. Nope. In college people still would bully me. Guys called me ugly all the time there. A bunch of guys in a car pulled over and started barking at me. And a guy in my class said "Ugh, can you believe we have to look at that everyday?"

Today while out walking i had to take off my jacket cause I was getting hot, and two construction guys started hooting and shouting "We should send that dog our pictures." Some really demeaning stuff. I vented about in on a mental health subreddit and a troll said to me right away "I seriously doubt people would give you THAT much attention." The world is just a cruel place and I'm done with it. Why can't people be nice. Why kick a person when they're already down? I don't get it.

I totally relate to your experience.

I highly recommend reading Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now) and even books like "Conversations With God" and A Course in Miracles.

I would state that I suspect you are a "powerful creator". Almost like whatever you think appears for you in your world. ...Scary in a way, and in a way kind of cool.

But you are currently in the scary part, and that sucks. I was there once, I am there again!! So obviously still working on it. But I did get out of it the first time, so I do know some things about it.

The first is to realise that there simply is NO substance to these negative beliefs and taunts -the beliefs that you carry and that others' mirror to you. A lot of people are quite unconscious and are almost like puppets -they are reacting to your fears that you are projecting outwards.

My guess is that you are probably empathically gifted with a lot of sensitivity -and you are overwhelmed as to how to manage it. And shocked and at a loss as to why it is that you seem to be living in a nightmare of sorts.

But it is not real. Not really real. There is NO substance to it. -So quit tormenting yourself and asking "Why?" ....there is no good reason for these experiences, no substance to this negative abuse. These people are puppets, in that they react/act without thought.

What you need to embrace and no longer be afraid of is the fact that you are a powerful creator and that you are pulling the strings. And you can pull them in a different way.

I think you need to get into some form of emotion/spiritual training -otherwise your gift, uncontrolled can create negative experiences for you. And you don't want that.

One thing that has helped me is to get in touch with my body and emotions more, and out of thoughts. Since thoughts keep up a sort of obsessional strength that can pull you in repeat negative cycles ...and you want to break out of these.

I use Energy or Emotional Healing techniques to help me. I do a guided meditation whereby I focus on any stored negatives feelings (and beliefs) in my body, I feel these, ask what they are about. Then I visualize releasing them so that I no longer carry them around with me. Then I visualize being given unconditional love and wisdom about my trouble. It sounds so simplistic, and yet I think it is sophisticated because it goes past thinking and straight to feelings and I think this is much more effective.

I would say to work on beliefs you got as a young person that males think you are physically repulsive, and fears about them finding you this way.

crazyladynextdoor wrote:I am hurting so much today. This forum is not very active but it would be nice to hear from someone. I'm having a really hard time.

I feel like I get called ugly all the time everywhere I go. I look like a human being, I wear fitted clothes, I'm clean, I am nice to people and overall there's nothing wrong with me. But as an adult woman now I still have the problem with guys shouting harsh insults at me in public and it is really chipping away at me.

I was bullied severely from late elementary school until high school. And I thought it was over after that. I was told people stop doing that after high school. Nope. In college people still would bully me. Guys called me ugly all the time there. A bunch of guys in a car pulled over and started barking at me. And a guy in my class said "Ugh, can you believe we have to look at that everyday?"

Today while out walking i had to take off my jacket cause I was getting hot, and two construction guys started hooting and shouting "We should send that dog our pictures." Some really demeaning stuff. I vented about in on a mental health subreddit and a troll said to me right away "I seriously doubt people would give you THAT much attention." The world is just a cruel place and I'm done with it. Why can't people be nice. Why kick a person when they're already down? I don't get it.

People get bullied for one or a mixture of the following:

1. They treat other people poorly or dont interact with them properly - This is particularly common with autism or when someone has mental health problems going on.

2. They have talents or traits which make them fall outside of the groups average norm - This is common when someone is more confident, intelligent, attractive, or has a rare talent. Or when someone is very insecure, dumb, ugly, or completely useless.

3. They are perceived as having had an upbringing outside of the groups average norm - Quite often people from a deprived background hate those who got a proper upbringing. They can identify them too - decent moral compass, polite, friendly, nice to people, popular, etc. Likewise a group of people who got a decent upbringing hate deprived people and can spot them a mile off too.

Creating and sustaining human relationships while avoiding bullying is not about being a geniune person, its about being a social chameleon. Its about mirroring back to each type of person what they themselves are.

[quote="Titantula")

People get bullied for one or a mixture of the following:


3. They are perceived as having had an upbringing outside of the groups average norm - Quite often people from a deprived background hate those who got a proper upbringing. They can identify them too - decent moral compass, polite, friendly, nice to people, popular, etc. Likewise a group of people who got a decent upbringing hate deprived people and can spot them a mile off too.

Creating and sustaining human relationships while avoiding bullying is not about being a genuine person, its about being a social chameleon. Its about mirroring back to each type of person what they themselves are

[/quote]

So very true. I always thought this was one of the worst parts of my childhood. The children who had holidays, parents with cars, sport, and other activities, who did not spend their time as a carer or as a punching bag ... then would get pleasure out of making the only time we had away from it miserable.

Wonder why when we grow up we don't care to socialize.

Terry E. wrote:Wonder why when we grow up we don't care to socialize.

It's not like I don't care but I have not been taught the codes. I was kept apart so I am apart. From there, all I can do is try to be as graceful as can be without disowning myself.

crazyladynextdoor wrote:I am hurting so much today. A bunch of guys in a car pulled over and started barking at me. And a guy in my class said "Ugh, can you believe we have to look at that everyday?" Today while out walking i had to take off my jacket cause I was getting hot, and two construction guys started hooting and shouting "We should send that dog our pictures." Some really demeaning stuff. I vented about in on a mental health subreddit and a troll said to me right away "I seriously doubt people would give you THAT much attention." The world is just a cruel place and I'm done with it. Why can't people be nice. Why kick a person when they're already down? I don't get it.

OMG. This is one of the worst experiences I've ever heard or read about. The people in your town are really cruel. I used to live in a town where people are mean to each other.

Thankfully I moved. I now live in a town filled with kind happy people. The reality is that some towns are filled with trolls while others have decent people.