How can I feel desirable, ever?

I was bullied in school. That was about 15-10 years ago. I never thought it had very serious consequences, because I moved away and on with my life/dreams, and have never talked to those people again. And in my mind I've forgiven them, at least so I thought.
But one thing that's bothering me more and more is close relationships and feeling desirable. I'm female in my mid 20s and I've had one boyfriend. Although he told me he loved me and was very kind and caring, I just couldn't handle that. I couldn't feel desirable. Then I broke up with him because I felt he wanted too much of me which I couldn't give. Since then I haven't had absolutely anything like a relationship. I haven't even had any long, meaningful conversations with opposite sex. It's not that I didn't like men. I do. On pictures. In videos. On facebook. Celebrities. But in real life I never feel that a man could ever like me more than a buddy. I'm not scared of them either - I talk to men freely, but only about work and business.
I've analyzed it a lot and by now I'm quite sure it's because my main bullies were the 'cool' boys in our class. The ones who every girl liked. So even now whenever I meet a handsome guy I get this reaction that something insulting may come from them towards me.

Does anyone else have felt like this?

Only way I feel desirable is through action. Through my career. Like I must do something extraordinary to be loved. Maybe that's also the reason I do what I do as career.

Long post. Wanted to get this off my chest and also maybe some advice.

I completely understand about not being able to handle a kind and caring partner..

I had one of those when I was 17 and he was lovely.. genuinely kind and caring.
I didn't feel good enough though to believe what he was telling me.. I didn't feel able to relax enough to open up and trust him..
Looking back on things now, i can see that if I had trusted him and he'd let me down as well, i wasn't strong enough to cope with that so it was far ''safer'' for me to stay closed off to any possibility.

I think forgiving your bullies is one thing but learning to trust can often be a very long journey..
Not just trusting either, learning/understanding that you are good enough.

Have you had any thoughts on going for a little bit of therapy to work through some of this at all.? It could be a really valuable first step for you in moving towards a possible relationship.

xx

WHAT WE SEE AS INCONSEQUENTIAL CAN TAKE A TOLL ON US
BUT ITS ONLY LOVE THAT CAN BRING US BACK FROM THE DEEPEST PITS OF HELL
AND ONCE AGAIN MAKE US STRONG ENOUGH
YOUR QUESTION ON HOW TO MAKE YOURSELF MORE DESIRABLE
JUST YOU BEING YOU ACCOMPLISHED THAT, IT’S UNDENIABLE
WHAT YOUR BOYFRIEND SAW IN YOU IS WHAT MADE HIM WANT YOU EVEN MORE
KNOW IT WAS HARD TO LET EM IN BEING TOO WOUNDED TO EVEN OPEN UP THAT DOOR
NOW I’M NOT TRYNA ACT LIKE I KNOW YOU’RE LIFE STORY AND WHAT YOU BEEN THROUGH
BUT I KNOW IT’S HARD TO TRUST PEOPLE
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEN THERE’S THOSE WHO SEEM LIKE THEY’RE ONLY OUT TO GET YOU
TAKE IT FROM A GUY MOST OF US DUDES CAN BE DOUCHES
BUT I GUARANTEE YOU’LL FIND THE RIGHT ONE AND FIND THAT WE DO HAVE OUR USES
SO PLEASE TRY YOUR BEST NOT TO STEREOTYPE AND KEEP AN OPEN MIND
AND I GUARANTEE THE NEXT DUDE YOU FIND
MIGHT JUST BE THE ONE TO MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT AND BRING LOVE BACK TO YOUR LIFE 

P.S. IF IT’S CORNY SORRY, JUST TRYING TO USE THE SPIRIT OF SONG TO BRING A SMILE, ONE STEP (POST) AT A TIME 