WHO GETS BULLIED

This forum is interesting. Today with kids it's so different than when we were kids. I'm in my 40's. I mean as in back then you fought with your hands. After school. Today, you guys have so much to worry about, and the means in which kids fight now is frightening.

So, I was writing on another thread about my daughter being bullied. I could not understand. I did not get it. I tried to understand her point or what she thought. I went to the school. I went to parents. Her dad did. My parents did. Basically, people only care about their own when ya get down to it. That makes me sad. There's always this one kid somewhere, and people just torture them. In high school I was very popular, and if someone was mean to the lone girl I would tell them off, and ask what was wrong with them. Leave her alone.

Growing up I was outgoing. I was kind, and funny, and if it mattered very pretty. I was Blessed to be liked by both boys, and girls which is rare sometimes because of jealousy. Basically I would help anyone on this planet. Nobody knew what I had been through or what happened to me, but they thought I had a charmed life, and had it so togehter.

My brother. Every single lousy day he got teased. He was extremely book smart. I mean speaking three languages smart. I was not. They would tease him when I wasn't around. Mostly boys. Call him those nasty names some boys get called on the line of sissy. I would FLIP OUT if I caught that, and he would say "They are heathens. Creatins. I will be someone someday, and they will be nobody. Don't fall into the likes of them".

WHAT????????????????????? I mean how does a human being take that? So, here I would be fighting guys all the time. Which in itself was fine by their friends and the older guys. Chick fights they like, but this was me always fighting guys.

Then here's where I got confused. My mom would hear it from a neighbor, and come after me. Yes I would be in the middle of the street fistfighting a boy. Sometimes they got the best of me, and sometimes I basically kicked their a*s. Meanwhile my brother was home studying. My mom would then punish me, and tell me I am supposed to be a lady, and a lady does not act in such a manner, and I am lucky people just like me, and just because you're pretty she'd say "Pretty means nothing. A bird is pretty. A picture is pretty. It don't get you nowhere". Then she'd say my brother had manners, and was smart and knew he was better, and I needed to leave it all alone, and be ladylike. Oh, and I had no talent or smarts so that's why I acted like a "Irish Washwoman". HUH?????

Then my dad who was a police officer, and came from fifteen kids would hear it from a neighbor how I was out in the middle of some street fighting Joe Schmoo. My dad would come in, and say "I heard you gave Joe a busted up lip". I was already in trouble for not being a lady. I'd shake my head, and he'd say "That's my girl. Good girl. They teasing him again? If they're bigger pick something up like a board. Anything you can. Good girl".

Now I'd like to know. Who was I supposed to listen to? Why didn't my brother take his own back? How could he stand that? To this day he'll be joking he was at a reunion, and Joe Schmo is fat, and bald, and his nicest vcacation was on the front lawn in the kiddie pool. He is successful Very much so. Why did they pick on HIM???
We have another brother, and nobody picked on him, and he could care less they teased our other brother. He was on his own all about him.

Why didn't they tease me? I actually will take up for the underdog even if they are a stranger. Why?

People stink. I leave you with this. A few months ago I was walking, and crossing a big street. I see three kids with the bikes all around them on the ground, and one kid trying to stay standing with his bike. This big, ugly kid takes this little boys glasses, and stomps them. This poor little boy is just stunned, but I could tell he has been tortured before. I know that look. The other creeps follow suit, and jump on the glasses while ugly is hitting this little boy.

I run over, and say "You FREAKS. You freaking monsters. How does a human being be so UGLY? What has this kid done to you?" Well like two run away, and big ugly gives me a nice F you. Good for kids like nine years old. Real nice kids. I asked him what his parents feed him, and how did they create this thing that you are?
He just looked at me blank.

So, this poor little boy is just crying and looking down at the glasses. I tell him I will walk him home, and he is crying. He says "Miss I am in big, big trouble. Look at my glasses. I'm going to get spanked". Here the poor kid is an immigrant from the Hmong region or something, and those people are afraid of the police, and revere education, and are hard workers. I'm not a huge fan of all things come on into our country, and we'll give you anything you need free. But this kid was not bothering a soul, and I believe if he was 100% born and raised in the USA he'd have still gotten his glasses broken, and beat up.

So, how does a kid like that deal with it? I wonder about that little boy sometimes. Why are people so dang mean? I HATE that, but maybe someday he'll be somebody, and big ugly, and the gang will be on the front lawn in a plastic pool. Not that that is all bad. I do it. LOL Just seems intelligent people get picked on.

I'll tell you how a kid like that deals with it. He bottles it all up inside and lets it eat away at him until his insides begin to rot or he explodes finally like your daughter did. I was one of those kids who always seemed to get picked on in grade school and high school. It wasn't as bad as some other poor souls who have been bullied. I was only physically pushed around a few times. Mostly it was kids calling me names and making me feel like crap. I was one of those "book smart" kids with glasses who was usually shy and timid. I moved around a lot in high school so I went to a few different ones and never knew anybody. I was an easy target who would just take it like a coward and never do anything about it. I lied to my parents because if they knew the truth they'd only call me names too and make me feel worse. I wish I had the guts to do something but I never did. Kids are cruel. They look for anyone who they know is and easy target just so they feel better about themselves and look cool. Even when I saw others being picked on I never had the guts to say or do anything for fear that they'd turn on me and I'd be the new target. I was so afraid that I'm ashamed to say I even made fun of others just because it felt good not to be the target. I was always a damn coward.

Having been constantly singled out and picked on I came to expect it. I never stood up for myself because I was afraid it would be worse. Unlike your brother, I didn't have anyone to stand up for me. You should be proud of yourself that you protected him. You were right to protect him and defend him when he wasn't doing it for himself. He probably just brushes it off now because he still feels bad that he couldn't defend himself. It's really embarrasing to have to have someone else stand up for you. I know firsthand.

The scars of being bullied do not go away on their own. I never exploded out, although I wish I had to guts to do it at least once. I know it probably would have made things better. Even though I'm an adult not, the bullying that I went though as a kid still haunts me. When it was happenning I felt like such a worthless piece of crap, that I actually thought that I deserved it. I thought if everyone was picking on me there must be some reason. No, I never cried in front of anyone and did my best to not let it show how much it really tore me up insde. It really pisses me off to see kids being picked on. I want to just run over and pick up a baseball bat and knock them on the head. I'd tell the kid being picked on that it's not their fault and they don't deserve it. I don't have kids, but if I did and they were being picked on, I'd tell them to pick up that bat and smash the bully's head in. Better to do that wait ten years and pick up a gun and go on a rampage shooting innocent people. All you have to do is turn on the news and hear about school shootings to see what happens to kids that get picked on and nobody helps them (I am in NO WAY condoning this).

It's hard for people who have never been bullied to understand what's it's like. Believe me you are lucky it never happenned to you.

i suppose people bully in order to feel secure. they r insecure so they must bully in order to feel secure. i think people who bully tend to be very manipulative and controlling. it's extremely manipulative to bully. bully's also "project" themselves onto others. as i said in my other posts what one says has everything to do with them and not the person they are saying it on. what one says is a reflection of them not the one they are saying it on. for example if one calls another a "slut" - that is simply what? a person who likes to call people "slut". it has nothing to do with the one being called "slut".

I was bright in a thick school. Miles from anywhere, a backward backwater. Never was really part of it. $#%^ parents. Dressed me odd. At fifteen bullied by an alpha girl. Thirty years later I'd like to slit her throat. Had perfume thrown over me and smirking taunts. Never stopped, it was her sport. For two years I hardly spoke and never to peers. Theres more but its too painful. I refuse to acknowledge to social hierachy of others. Have constructed my own world. Luckily I am brightish and in my own way can 'fly'.

I forgot to ask, why do the shits do it.

In my opinion bullies are usually responsible(for the most part) for school shootings. I think when a screwed up kid shoots up his school it should be the bullies that have to pay for it.

We do not have school shootings here in the uk. Tho in twenty years time it could be; tho guns are much less prevalant here in the uk. In fact, the authorities are quite phobic. See Dunblane on wiki. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunblane_massacre

In big cities in the uk there are problems with knives. Some schools want metal detectors, which I think is a good idea. And bullying certainly does exist. Children to my mind often have energy tho no innate morality or fear to guide them. I have carried anger with me for thirty plus years.

With asperger its just about impossible to generate physical aggression. Perhaps thats why ball games, football is incomprehensible to an asperger kid. 'Games' were hell. Ten years of being the last man to ever be picked, standing there like a spare end. Bastards.

It to me it is a sense of 'wateryness' difficult to describe tho a fellow sufferer will know what I mean. The existing literature in my opinion is still quite crude. No-one can describe the life I've lead.

I was reading a book on early aviators a few minutes ago, Wilbur and Orville Wright could well have been aspie. Not a conclusive diagnosis, tho worthy of consideration.

Comments please.

I was bullied throughout school because I was poor and too quiet to stick up for myself. I would hang around the wrong crowd anyway because, even though I wasnt "cool", I wasnt really a "dork" either. Eventually it got to a point where I was jumped and beaten with wood at the basketball court nearby. I was bruised for two weeks and that was the last straw.

But thats when I met a guy who was a lot like me. He would sit in his bedroom watching TV a lot, so I thought he wouldn't mind if I sat around with him... so I did. I am thankful for his compassion he had for me because he probably saved a part of me that way.

The thing about it is is that kids these days respect strength. Even though I was bullied, I was always stronger than they were.

When I got jumped, or when I got in fights with people, over stupid things, I would not fight back. I was hurt that I didnt fight back for a very long time, but then I realized that part of me is like my father. Part of me is a monster, and if I fought back then I would have probably killed them.


I am not like them, even though I am a strong man. When I think of it that way I dont feel bad about it. What hurts me though is that I am only 23 and kids these days have it harder than I did. There are more gangs now, more sex, and more lawlessness than there was in my day... and "my day" wasn't too long ago.


That is why I think this election is important. One of the things they are talking about is paying teachers more. I think that teachers arent paid enough and dont have the skills required to negate behavior like that. I did manage to get into an program called PINS that helped me out a lot because I met a woman who was __AWESOME!!!__ but she had to leave once she got pregnant and the teacher that took over was just a sub.... i was very sad. we need more teachers like mrs garren who care about us, because the sad truth is that most teachers do not care at all.

Heya, Man_of_Masks! Thanks for sharing that story. I feel like there is something I couldn't controll inside of me too and I shouldn't let it out. I guess lots of people who've been abused have this problem. It's good that you are not like the people who bullyed you. You're better than them.

Bad teachers have a lot to answer for. The bad ones we had still make me angry. Useless. I was very advanced in some subjects, just through reading one or two books, educationally I was failed, principally by my parents, a couple of buerks.
As with difficult dogs a lot of kids would benefit from low protein feed, no treats or junk food, lots of hierachy re-inforcement. As with alpha dogs its the same with bullies, they get YOU to go to them. Spin it round - say 'You come to me Buster' that would be a change wouldn't it? I never feel lonely as asperger though I have in the past felt very isolated. I was too nervous and unsure to know what to say or do with a girl though goodness knows I would sometimes see a girl I wanted to be with and be treat as an equal. I was bright enough. Sports at school were ritual humiliation for ten years. That was NOT character building or self development.