Recovery?

Hi everyone!
If you've read my previous posts, I've talked about how I was bullied at work by my boss. She's since retired and LIFE IS GOOD!!! I love coming to work, I get along great with my new boss, and I'm happy to FINALLY have say over how I do my job. However, I know that recovery doesn't happen overnight. Just because the bully is gone, the hurt is still there and I don't want my anger to get me into hot water. So recently I was talking to someone and I noticed that I was slandering my old boss. The person I was talking to didn't really need to hear it and besides that, they were not a trustworthy person. I think part of me said what I said to shatter the perception that my boss was some sort of living saint because that's the perception she has in the community- and it is so irritating! How can they be a saint when they've bullied previous secretaries into leaving and pushed this secretary to tears?! And now here's where I can feel my anger building up again. I don't want to turn my life into a never-ending reading of someone's trespasses against me. I don't want to be stuck in a victim mentality. I want to move on and forget about her.
So here's what I'm trying to do:
When the old list of crimes against me comes up again, I should tell myself "stop" and think about the future, not the past. Also, I need to work on getting my confidence back and focus on that and being a competent professional worker.
Is there any tools I could use to do this? What advice does anyone have that can help me in my recovery? Also, for everyone else who is being bullied, I'm praying for you. Please pray for me too.

hiya..

I don't have much advice other than what tends to help me in these situations..

So recently I was talking to someone and I noticed that I was slandering my old boss. The person I was talking to didn't really need to hear it and besides that, they were not a trustworthy person. I think part of me said what I said to shatter the perception that my boss was some sort of living saint because that's the perception she has in the community- and it is so irritating! How can they be a saint when they've bullied previous secretaries into leaving and pushed this secretary to tears?!

^^ i've done this in the past myself and then what i've said has got back to the person - not really a problem because i told them when they asked but it would have avoided having this trouble and making the listener not want to listen to me/want to argue with me if i'd considered their feelings first..
So; instead of insulting the person that the listener was talking about, i should have listened and realised that their perception of the other person is valid.. just not one that i share.
A recent situation came up where i put this into practice. Someone was talking about how great another person was and i caught myself before explaining all the ways they weren't.. instead i said something like ''It sounds like you got on really well with that person and had a good relationship''..

They agreed and spoke some more about their nice bits.. shared memories (days out etc), with me just listening and understanding their views..
The conversation ended well and i left it wishing that i'd known the person they mentioned in the same way that they did.. quite thought provoking and nice to think of all the different ways that a single person is viewed by people they know.


I'm sorry that you went through what you did.. it sounds like you're in a much better place now and are making really positive steps forwards..

again; i don't have much advice other than to say that i think you're doing really well with all of this.. you're thinking things through nicely and understanding how to move forwards..

xx