How being Bullied has effected me

As I said in my other post I was bullied a lot through out my grade school years. I am now in High School and I don't get teased that bad cuz I try to stay un~noticable. Like, I tend to ditch school a lot. In fact, I got picked up by an officer for what's called "truency". I hate going to school because there is so many people and I am scared that if I don't look right or if I do something wrong, people are going to pick and make fun of me again. Since I have been bullied in the past, I am more of a follower than a leader. I wear what everybody else wears. If someone comments on my hair being too long, I will cut it. I used to get teased for wearing glasses in the past and even though I have normal glasses now, I don't wear them at school because I am scared of getting picked on. So being bullied in my past still affects me to this day which really sucks. Does anybody else go through this?

HT,

It is interesting reading your story, because it reminds me how I used to be in high school. As I said on your other thread, I was bullied/teased as a kid. Although it only went on for one year (mostly), the effect on me was pretty profound. I think it was most profound because my best friend distanced himself from me, virtually every student in the class ostracized me and put me down, a small handful of older kids (those who had failed a few years and were bigger than me) knocked me around when the teacher wasn't looking. Even my teacher hurled insults and physically assaulted me. I felt that homelife was too chaotic to bring my problems into the mix, so I said nothing to my parents.

When I entered highschool, I was surrounded with kids I didn't know, and the bullying ended abruptly. But, like you, I was very cautious and careful not to instigate any further bullying, so I kept a very low profile. It was very lonely. When other kids were hanging out at lunch hour, I would inhale my packed lunch and hide in a stall in the library. I never used the bathroom either for fear of being cornered and assaulted.

I loosened up in my last year of highschool. I joined in with card games and felt a little more secure with myself. I even had a few friends I hung around with periodically - but only at school. I was too embarrassed to bring friends home, so I kept people at arm's length.

I am happy to see that you are/have been in therapy. My hope is that you won't have to remain imprisoned in fear like I was. I hope your therapist will help you.

My advice is to try to get involved in things that interest you, whether than be drama, art, sport, etc. It is helpful to feel good about our talents, and we all have some. It can help us feel more confident.

The biggest battle for me has been in my mind. I developed the bad habit of putting myself down, so even when the bullying stopped I continued to do it to myself. If you also struggle with this, I hope that you make an effort to be good to yourself.[/b]

Thank you for replying to my post. I'm sorry you have went through the same thing but yet I'm glad im not alone. I got bullied a lot during lunch and school. I can remember one particular incident as if happened yesterday even though it was three years ago. I prefer not to state what had happened because I find it extremly embarrassing. My mom knew that I was getting picked on but she didn't care because she was abusive herself so to her, she thought I deserved it and she kept telling me to do better in school so the kids wouldn't hate me. My mom never understood me but now she has changed. We never talk about the past but she and I both know that I will never forget those years of torture, pain, and heartache. I don't eat lunch because of my ED, but I hang out at the nurses office, no joke. I always go in there and say im sick during lunch because I dont want people to see me and I know the nurse will protect me, or at least I think she will. I am interested in ASL (american sign language) and writing poetry but im scared to do anything because of people. And plus, im not allowed to go anywhere after school. I have to come straight home. But I do thank you for the advice because it would have been helpful if my parents wasn't so strict. Well, Im going to go for now. Take care and have a good night/day.
Later,
Tierra

Hi Tierra,

I am glad my sharing helped you know you are not alone. It might encourage you to know that it does not bother me to share stories of when I was bullied and ostracized. I have worked through most of the pain, I think, with a therapist who specialized in PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder).

Some people are affected by negative incidents more powerfully than others. The bullying I experienced, combined with other factors (i.e. other abuse and neglect), was traumatic for me. It happened 25 years ago and yet the memories are still quite vivid. The good news is that, when I now recall those memories, I am not filled with sadness, despair, fear or depression. The memories do not evoke negative emotions for me any longer. Keep in mind that I have only recently been in therapy - so it shouldn't take 25 years with you, if you are in therapy now! If your therapist hasn't brought up the issue already, I recommend that you ask her about PTSD in your case.

I found that EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) was especially helpful in processing the painful memories of being bullied and assaulted, along with various cognitive behaviour therapy, administered by a compassionate therapist. You could also ask your therapist about that. When I am feeling anxious, I can use a make-shift form of EMDR on myself, which tends to soothe my anxiety, and you can try it yourself if you like. You simply cross your arms, so that the palm of each hand rests on the opposite bicep area. Then you alternate a gentle tapping of your palm against your arms, one after the other, focussing on the movement from one hand to the other while you contemplate what is creating the anxiety.

I wish I could help you more. But know that for many, highschool years are less than wonderful, so you are not alone. Perhaps if your parents knew that you'd like to explore your interest in ASL (I have a friend who is an ASL interpreter, so there is a practical application as well as a special interest), they might relax their rules with you and let you try it out?

Best of luck!

Hello there,

I am mostly here to post my condolences. I remember what it was like being bullied, and it was quite hell. Being young just makes it so much more difficult to cope. I hope you don't feel too embarassed about things they did to you. In the large scheme of things, it is more embarassing to short yourself than if you were helpness and ridiculed by others.

Growing up in public school, I truly witnessed some horrific things. This is such a growing issue that needs to be handled more effeciently. I've been out of school for some years now, but at the time, bullies got away scott free.

I think a big problem lies in the situation. When I was bullied, I had no idea what to do. There was always a problem in going to the teachers/other adults. I always felt such intervention would make my bullying worse, or would be too humiliated to admit I was being bullied.

It can be very traumatic. I'm glad the bullying has lessened in High school (it did for me as well). Middle School may have been the absolute worst.

Take care!

I know how hard it is, if it goes on long enough it really wears you down to the bone.

I was also often bullied, both in school and in my private life. I do remember it started when I was placed in the care of a nanny at a time when my mother went to night school. Her family started verbally abusing and humiliating me, and I was also sometimes physically abused as well.

In later years it carried over to kindergarten and after that, my middle/high school life and even beyond.

I'm not sure what instigated it, if it was because I was just a natural "target" for people as I've never been very confrontational or if it was the way I looked, sounded, acted or whatever.

Anyway. It continued even when we moved abroad for a few years, I was bullied all throughout school and my private life there, I sometimes had to run from people who weren't just content with verbally abusing me, but also wanted to take it up a notch (as in kicking my a**). During this time my mother drank heavily, which was quite a depressing time for me and my sister which also lived there. During this time I was also sexually abused over the course of a few months by one of the random men my mother used to bring to our house.

When we moved back to my native country, I was able to be "left alone" for about half a year, but then the virulent bullying suddenly resumed. As I had grown a bit, nobody tried to physically assault me any longer, but the verbal assaults could many times become quite overwhelming. At worst, there were groups of people waiting outside the school exit waiting for me to come out, and I often had to try to find alternate ways to get out of the buildings, but for the most part I was unsuccessful.

The teachers clearly saw what was going on, but for the most part they just wrote it off as shenanigans, things kids do and such. My family didn't really grasp the severity of it either, it was only pointed out to me that this was part of life and so on. I guess it would have been different if they could have been there and seen it.

Anyways... Even when high school was over, and I started attending a vocational school I couldn't escape, as some of the pupils who were after me also attended that school. They made sure that all the past humiliation and verbal bullying (name calling etc) was carried over and became known to as many people as possible. I often overheard conversations where other pupils were encouraged by them to start giving me cr*p. Trying to confront people with it just resulted in even more humiliation and accusations like "stop feeling sorry for yourself, you stupid git" and other things.

I guess the reason I didn't go to the teachers or school therapist was that I felt too embarrassed by the whole thing and wanted to stop thinking about it.

School for me was pretty much just a challenge, but not at all in a positive way. I failed many courses and in the end I just had to quit school all together, and it's pretty certain that I'll never sit behind a school desk ever again.

Even now, 15 years later, when I run into these people on occasion, they don't even remember my real name, they just remember me by the names they used to call me. It can be quite mindnumbing and frustrating. Usually I just ignore them, quickly move on and forget I met them at all. I was recently invited to a high school reunion, but naturally, I instantly decided I'd never set my foot in such an event in a million years.

Usually, when recalling those times, I'm often filled with powerful anger and remorse. At those who bullied me and at myself for not taking more drastic measures to stop it. Though I realize that it would have involved violence, and as I mentioned at the start, I'm not a confrontational person and thus, I do not like getting physical or violent.

I did go to therapy for a while some years back, but to be frank, it didn't help a whole lot in the long run, even though I really wanted it to. I do realize I'll have to go back, because I feel like I'll lose my mind sometimes. I'm just trying to dig up some motivation to make the first appointment (again).

Well, this was sort of a long post and not intended in any way to hijack your thread. I just felt I needed to tell that story.