Workplace Bullying?

Hello everyone, I'm new here.

I work part time in a department store and believe I may be being bullied by a co worker. The particular person constantly makes snide remarks about things that have absolutely no effect on him. For instance, he constantly berates me because I'm "slow" at wrapping people's breakable items (I like to be careful), he requests not to be put on break with me, if someone asks me to cover them on the cash register he tells them to stay just so I won't be on till beside him. Last week he said I was "loner" and a "loser", then this week his said no one talks to me because I have no social life. Those are only the few I can remember.

I have done nothing wrong to this person, when he first started working here I actually liked him because he was quiet and reserved like me. Now I admit I may have stooped to his level by implying he was overweight after his tirade of snide remarks (he's not really fat, but someone told me it annoyed him and I wanted him off my back) in order to defend myself. I myself also subtley requested that I not be put on the same break as him, although this was in order to protect myself from him, I wasn't being nasty. I regret doing this now as it may go against my case if I decide to report him.

I this person is quite snide with everyone in general, but it just seems he picks on me more out of everyone, perhaps because I'm quiet. As far as I know he's never called anyone else a loser, loner or socially inept. However, even if he is nasty to everyone, it doesn't mean he should get away with it, or that his insults hurt any less. I'm quite sensitive for a guy and some of the things he says stings quite badly.

I was actually bullied thoughout my school life, and had to take a break for two years before I could start university, as I was receiving treatment for clinical depression and social phobia (as result of the bullying). I made the mistake of not telling anyone because I was convinced it was my fault (I'm a bit of an oddball) and regretted it ever since. I don't want to make the same mistake again, but at the same time I don't want to be a "tattle-tale". I also don't want to punch him either, although the way things are going it may come down to that.

It is getting to the point where I'm beginning to dread going into work when I know he'll be there.

Do any of you have any advice? Should i bring it up to a manager?

Heya


It is clear that this guy has a problem of his own because it is not normal to be acting in the way that he is. His problem is not your concern however - What is your concern is are his clear bullying tactics. You have some options here:

Continue to endure the bullying
Start bullying yourself
Report him
Resign

Obviously, the last two options are the better of the four but reporting him is by far the best option to take. Ignore that fact that you have retorted by making your own comments - Your manager would understand this.


When talking to your manager about it approach him by saying that you have a problem with another member of staff. Then begin by listing some of the ways in which you feel you have been bullied. At the end inform him that the bullying is upsetting your morale. However, before going to see your manager ensure that you have rehearsed the conversation somewhat in your head.


Bullying is something that nobody deserves at any time or any place. Bullies are people with issues themselves that need to be looked after. If they themselves are not treated then they might very well become progressively more threatening, insulting, and perhaps physically abusive which can eventually lead to issues of law.


Kevster.

Ok, not much advice I can give you. Take a look at the post just below this one for the advice I put there, very similar situation. Trust me, I could go on and on, agian but I think you might find something useful there. Look for the overly long post. But I do have a story for you to tell you that you are not alone. First, to let you know, most bullies are bullies because they were bullied themselves, usually by parents, siblings, and other peers. They were not taught how to deal with people in a respectful manner. It sucks for the rest of us and its hard to have compasion for people who unfeelingly hurt others, its easier with kid bullies but it still is infuriating.

There is a woman at our work who is pregnant. The woman has had a tough few years. She is a woman who has had four, yes four other kids, who are all six years and younger! Her husband left about 2 years ago while she was pregnant with the last. Her dreams of homeschooling and being the number one mom and wife were destroyed. She has to work now to help support her family with her new fiance and his 3 kids too. She is one of the nicest and forgiving people I have met and even through all this speaks well of her drug using sorry excuse for a father ex who cheated on her. I cant believe the courage this woman has. Its to be admired. Because of her different beliefs, religous in how she lives her life, text book as far as the commandments go you know the types. Because of this, she is wierd to everyone. One eye looks off to the side slightly so she is "not all there" to those she works mostly closely with, although her is above average in the skills she posses. Anyway, to the point, she was the worst case of vericose veins I have ever seen. The thinner ones she she showed me on her calf where the width of a pencil. She told me that the ones higher up where even worse, not that she was complaining, cause she never does, but because I inquired how she was feeling and if all was ok for her, knowing that her last pregnancy/birth did not go so well (both survived thankfully). Knowing somthing about this, I asked her if her doctor was keeping a good eye on her and she said yea but didnt go on. So I asked "This is potentially life threating isnt it?" Then she finally started to talk, cause up to that point nobody cared. She was in and out of ER being checked out at night. But she couldnt stop working cause she needed the money, going as far as riding a bike to work when her car failed her. All she asked for was a stool so that she could sit through part of her shift. Others, guys who have no idea what this is about, would say things like, "You're taking this pregnancy for all its worth arent you?" Last week, I was asked by her supervisor if I could work a few shifts in that department in the new future. I immediantly asked if she was ok. He said she was just find but the shifts were in deed hers. I asked if she had told him what was going on and he said that "She says its her legs (rolls his eyes). She can work but she chooses not to." I asked him, "Do you realize the risks she's been taking just being coming here every day?" Gives the 'I cant believe you buy that crap look' and says "Yea...supposely what her doctor says, or whatever shes pulling with him." I was furious and had to go away. Her condition is LIFE THREATING if a clot moves from those veins to her brain or her heart. Of course Im not one to talk about somebody elses problems, especially if it will only make the situation worse. I found out the rest of the story, after another ER visit, her fiance and doctor teamed up against her. The doc wrote a note and her fiance drove her directly to work, while she cried and made her give the boss the note. All she could do was appologize cause she isnt stupid and knows shes not well liked by the people that have the biggest impact on her job. So I told my direct supervisor as he will be moving to that department. He said he was trying to curb the comments all ready but he was unaware that it is life threating and he will do what he can without making the problem with. I plan to print what I can find on this and give it to the supervisor and his direct manager cause this is uncalled for. Also I will make a gentle mention of work place bullying and how bulling one person can impact many other employees, lowering moral and lowering the customers experience within our atmostphere. Will they care, probably not but it will make me feel better.

I hope you can get to the other post, and you are not alone. I know that that a bully pretty much never has one victim so buddy up with the others during your breaks, ect. The "Whatever!" look between friends can be enough to do the trick sometimes. OR do the parentile angle and try to befriend him, that should annoy him when you ask him "Who talked to like that when you where young? I am sorry that you went through whatever it was that keeps you from having the confidence you deserve. If you ever need to talk, Im here for you. If others are talking like this to you around here, you let me know. I'll do whatever it is to make it better for you."

True story: New guy striving for the same promotion I was. Supervisor takes two weeks away, miliatry related. new guys been there three weeks. He tries to bully me and not take in accont my experiece on how things were suppose to be done. We agrue. It gets worse everyday. Finally I decide to avoid him. Sup comes back. We both tell him the story and leave up to him to take care up. Hes disappointed me, knowing me as long as he had, and questions both of our ability to handle such situations in a promotion. Other guy doesnt get the drift and continues to be combative. I say, lets try your new and fresh ideas. Nothing wrong with that. if if doesnt work, we'll try something else, or go back to what we were doing. he calms down some. A week later, I take him aside. I tell him that we think a lot a like and are both very strong opinionated people. He started to argue right away. I smiled this time and said see what I mean? He shut up without another word to say. After a few moments to let that sink in, I stuck out my hand to shake and introduced myself, stated my clear, unemotioned goals for the department, said its nice to meet you and Im looking foward to building the strong team that I knew we can if we both worked together. I said lets try this and set all things that have happened thus far behind us. If it doesnt work then we can both agrue to resume where we left off. We ended up with the best group of people that department ever say and we both go the promotion we wanted just two weeks apart. And we were friends outside of work for a time too. he doubted it would work and thought I was a bit nuts. I refused to disagree with him anymore and continued to offered him my ideas nobody else took seriously in the area he did well in.

I dont think this would work in this particular situation but maybe this would help in similar situations that you may have or for others reading this.

Keep us posted.