i need help (trigger)

hi

i really need help here

im a teen and ever since i was 10, i was being heavily bullied and emotionally abused by my dad, i was bullied because im German and i am very quiet

and now memories from years ago are coming back one after the other, and when they do, i feel scared and angry and try to re-repress them, but its not working, and im feeling terrible and very angry now

im not sure what to do?
can you help me please?
frankie

First, I'd suggest that you get professional therapy.

It might also be helpful to understand that, besides an aversion to feelings such as these, there's really nothing wrong with feeling sad, scared, or angry or anything to be ashamed of. It's important to be able to cope with these feelings and respond maturely in the face of them which can be difficult for people without solid support systems in place and even for those with them. Professional therapy can help with this.

Am so sorry you are being treated this way
Can you talk to a counselor at School about whats going on ?
I know how horrible being bullied and abused is
you need to seek help
Ella

Frankie123 wrote:im a teen and ever since i was 10, i was being heavily bullied and emotionally abused by my dad, i was bullied because im German and i am very quiet

If by "quiet" you mean shy, then you might want to let your dad know (in a gentle way*) that what he's doing is actually making things worse because it's causing you to be ashamed of who and what you are.

The good news is that there's no law that says you have to inherit his anger management problem. Try not to repeat his mistakes and above all, don't let yourself be trapped in a life where you're always stressed out, frustrated and powerless. That's a recipe for disaster.

* I would be tempted to say something more like this:
Congratulations Einstein! Your solution is making the problem worse.

hi there
i haven't been very clear
i meant i was viciously bullied by my dad AND my school peers

i know that one day when i have a kid, i will raise her completely the opposite,
id tell her everyday that i love her (compared to the 0 times my dad said it)
id say im proud of her (compared to the 0 time my dad said it, which now im pretty sure is the root of many of my problems)



and that is very funny!, thank you, i wish i could say that, but every time i see him i feel as if i will blow up with rage

thanks
Frankie

Frankie123 wrote:hi there
i haven't been very clear
i meant i was viciously bullied by my dad AND my school peers

Hi Frankie.
I don't know if there's a simple answer to being bullied by your peers. It's basically a game of chicken between you and them. They're doing it for entertainment and you need to raise the price higher than what they're willing to pay. You have to find out what they are most afraid of and then convince them that it will come true if they don't stop. That gets harder the longer you let them get away with it. Once they finally realize you're not backing down anymore they'll look for someone else to torment.

i know that one day when i have a kid, i will raise her completely the opposite,
id tell her everyday that i love her (compared to the 0 times my dad said it)
id say im proud of her (compared to the 0 time my dad said it, which now im pretty sure is the root of many of my problems)

It sounds like you're going to be a great parent.

and that is very funny!

Thanks! I got my dad's sense of humour.
And you're totally welcome. I can relate to being German.

hi

i have stopped me being bullied by a few people by standing up to them, and bullying them back

i was once bullied by this guy, he constantly mocked me and laughed at everything i did, it destroyed my self confidence and self esteem, so one day, after he finished laughing at me, i stood up to him,
i admit that "maybe" i was a bit rough on him, i kind of made him cry and run off somewhere,
BUT, that stopped 5 other bullies and got me a lot of respect from my best friend, who ironically was good friends with them too

It sounds like you're going to be a great parent.

and thank you, i just know i will be an amazing parent, i wont raise them like my parents did, in an abusive, fascistic, violent, racist house hold

thanks so much
Frankie

I know exactly what it's like being bullied by others at school, and I just want to say that while you should stand up for yourself, you shouldn't bully them back like others are saying you should do. I can assure you, that is not going to be the answer you are looking for. While it may have helped others, it probably won't give the result you truly want in the end. If you don't like what the bullies are doing, why would you want to become one yourself?

You want to show your kids when you grow up a good and loving home, and set an example right? What do you think explaining to them that you stopped others from bullying you was by bullying them back is going to make them realize?
Stand up for yourself, show them that their words and actions won't get to you. And tell an adult that can be trusted. Tell them about other classmates, and about what's going on at home. Cause if he's like that at home, your dad doesn't deserve to have a wonderful kid. If that adult doesn't listen, find another who will. You can make a difference, don't wait for change to come on its own. Cause I waited way too long, when it could have been over a lot sooner.

Everyone deserves happiness, even you. So don't ever let what others say get to you.