Can't take it anymore.. *TW*

Well.. My stories complicated... I dunnoo.. I guess I started to be bullied in 2nd grade. I didn't really understand though. I was in a foreign country. ( I'm originally from Australia. And we were living in South Korea. ) I was only 6 and there was this girl ( Lets call her Lily ) , who was my first "friend". But I was confused because she turned everyone against me. I was in a foreign school that only spoke English since I didn't know Korean. Everyone else was Korean kids learning English, and Lily turned a whole lot against me.. i didn't really know what to do. She threatened me that if i told the teacher it would make me a worse person, and I'd be doing bad things. The thing is she would be kind to me at times though, and I liked her sometimes, other times, she would be the reason I was upset. The thing is I always had a tough girl image I guess.. I never cried at school, and whenever I fell or got hurt, i"d laugh. 2nd grade was weird like that. 3rd grade came along and I didn't really have many friends, but I had met this boy, ( Puppy Love ) and Lily was nicer to me, but there would still be those weeks where she would be horrible to me. Me and that boy ( lets call him Elton ) got together and he was my "boyfriend". Anyway 3rd grade ended and 4th grade rolled around and I was happy to find out Lily had moved schools. But instead another girl ( lets calls her jessica ) took her place and started bullying me.. this continued in 5th grade.. In 5th grade she also turned Elton against me, and I don't know what Happen. That was my last year in Korea. We moved to USA, and I never got a chance to say goodbye to Elton.. USA was much better. My grade had a 100 people whereas in Korea it had 13. I enjoyed it, I was having fun, but I was always depressed. I don't really know why. I got involved with a boy and drama happend. 7th grade it got worse.. I got cyber bullied.. To top it all of as far as i can remember my dad had always abused me and hit me and hurt me.... It was getting worse and worse.. 7th grade was when i started self harming. not that bad though. i used a needle so it wasn't bad. No blood . Just scratches. Things were complicated with a boy still and I didn't know what to do. Out of emotional nesacity i dated a boy for 4 months and i really liked him but my bestfriend dated him 2 hours after me and him broke up.That girls name lets call her Lesly. She ruined me life. She spread rumors about me and it was bad. The guy i'd loved since 6th grade ( lets call him Caleb ) , she turned him against me.. meanwhile back at home my dad and mom abused me and told me to die... i couldn't handle it.. i didn't feel safe anywhere. i only had one true friend..but soon me and her drifted too. after 2 months of 8th grade my mom homeschooled me and it was bad.. Lesly saw her chance and spread a $#%^ load of rumors about me and everyone hated me and i had no friends. i got threateening facebook and textmessages and i didn't know what to do. i was broken. my self harming got bad. i started using a cuttin gknife instead and there was alot of blood. i carved the name of Caleb into my arm and i still have the scars to this day. My parentes were still busy abusing me and i didn't know what to do. my life was ruined. and to this day im in 9th grade and still homeschooled and abused and everythings gone downhill. its too much. i left out alot of details and if i wrote everything im not joking it would take me a whole day... it took me a whole hour to write JUST about my history and complication with caleb. but i can't do it anymore, its just too much for me to handle, and i don't know if im strong enough. i use a razor now to cut instead of a cutting knife. its so much more easier and no wi cut my thighs instead of my wrists. .... Last night i almost ended my life...lots of people might think im lying or some $#%^...but im not..thisisn't funny...

Heavy story, and i'm unhappy to read that you are still in an abusive situation.

You say your in ninth grade. How old does that make you? I'm from the netherlands, so I don't now about the grade system

You come across as an intelligent kid. I understand your cutting, but I think we also both know that in the end that's not the sollution to your problems is there anyone you can talk to? A teacher perhaps?

I don't know much about bullying, but do know a lot about being abused in any way ( ) so I would like to say to you: hang in there! At least until you are old enough and/or have the opportunity to get away from your abusers. And I do mean get away alive. The other option... well, look at it this way: staying alive, getting away and making a good life for yourself is the ultimate revenge.

I'm glad you found your way to this forum. As you can read you are not on your own, other people (have) suffer(ed) the things you suffer, so at least here you have a place to talk to people and perhaps find the strenght you need.

Anyways, my crummy way of saying: hang in there, try to take care of yourself. and if you want to get anything of your mind, just write it down here

Mick, thanks so much. It means alot to me to know that somebody cares. I really was going to end it. But I came across a quote " Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem ", and I understood that it isn't worth it. I'm 13 by the way. But thakyou so much. it means so much to me. Really.

Your welcome

Just 13? Well you come across as wise for your age! (I'm 41 btw )

That's a good quote you have there. I've always looked at it the same way. No matter how hard times where, I always tried to remember the things that I enjoy in my life, and always thougth: well tomorrow might just be a better day! Something great might happen! If I end it know, I'll never know what I miss out on. And most days were not great, but I appriciated the simple and small things to remember that life can be good and beautiful AND it will be for me one day. And I'm glad I did. By the time as I was able to get out of my abusive ''home'' life really got better and better.

So i'm sure it can and will be for you one day too, I hope rather sooner than later, but it will. Just believe in yourself.