Bullied by my Boss

My boss treats me like dirt. He takes credit for my work, puts me down (sometimes in front of people), and has no respect for me.

He tells me "this is a dictatorship" whenever I make any suggestions. I can't even count the number of times he's said this to me. This morning I showed him a graph I created for a software tool we're working on, he told me what a horrible idea it was. Later in the day, he came back and had me show him how I created it, and he took it and applied it to his graphs, and told me to remember that since he thought of creating this software tool, everything is his idea. Apparently I get no credit for the ideas I come up with for this project.

He also tells me I'm his minion. When he's not insulting me, he's bragging about himself to let me know how great he is. Some of the stuff he says about himself are complete lies...and I'm expected to listen, and it can go on for hours. Then he'll have the nerve to ask me why I didn't get much done!

I feel completely helpless. I've gotten to the point that I dread going to work. The site of him makes me want to vomit. I'm depressed and moody, and feel like I'm taking it out on other people. Some days I wish I were dead.

Part of me thinks I should just quit my job...but right now my self esteem is so low I'm not sure I'm up for interviewing for new jobs. If I go to HR, I'm worried that it will make things worse. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this situation?

How many people work for your boss? Does he treat all his group so badly? He sounds like a terrible manager. If there are other people in your group maybe they have suggestions?

I would try to interview. Maybe you will find a better job. Also if you know you can find a job, then you might feel confident enough to transfer to work for another manager. You might want to keep records of your manager's actions so you can justify your desire to be transferred.

I had a manager who was taking credit for my ideas, but I've never worked for anybody like your manager. That's ridiculous.

Thanks for your reply. I am the first person to ever report to him. Right now, we are the only two people in our department. To make matters worse, his boss lives and works in another location and isn't around at all (he's only visited our office once), so no one with any authority over my boss sees what goes on.

You are probably right that interviewing might be my best option. In the meantime, I might check to see if I can telecommute instead of going into the office, which would minimize my contact with him. I was thinking about it today, and there is no reason I can't do my job from home...the only problem is I'll probably have to get permission from my boss. I'll have to think of a good way to spin it, since I can't tell him I want to work from home so that I can get away from him. I don't know if he'll agree to it though.

Get a pad of paper and a pen, clearly identify the following and then arrange a personal meeting with him:

1/ Define your constructive purpose. Both you and he are trying to achieve the same result, so spell that out as your constructive purpose. Do not ignore this step.
2/ Identify specific behaviour of his that is compromising your ability to be effective in those areas.
3/ Outline the behaviour you're entitled to as an employee of your employer, not him. He is your manager but not your employer and it's your employer you have a contract with.
4/ Make it clear that you're not willing to tolerate this behaviour and that you are showing him respect and courtesy by discussing the matter with him. Let him know that if it continues then you'll escalate the situation with his line manager.
5/ Write down his responses including any threats. Keep it objective and use respectful language.
6/ If he agrees then shake hands and re-state your constructive purpose.
7/ If he doesn't agree then remind him that you gave him the opportunity to discuss it but you'll now be requesting a meeting with his manager to discuss your working conditions.

I think that's a brilliant post by JOMP. It might be the hardest thing you ever do in the workplace. But I think following that list might work. Having this out in the open and documented might be the scare your boss needs. None of it can be used against you. And if he doesn't shape up his behaviour completely, then HR can see that you made a significant effort to address the issue before coming to them. After trying to live with it, which also isn't working.

You could perhaps ask for an HR person to attend the meeting, too. That way he has to take it seriously and respectfully or else be unmasked to them as an a-hole. He doesn't "save face" that way. So I'd only go this way if you think he's unlikely to change even with this level of being called on his crap.

I'm not sure how this could get much worse. Other than him firing you. And he'd be a fool to do that because hopefully you'd go straight to HR to put your side. Putting up with this seems incredibly stressful. You deserve way better. An alternative might be a constructive dismissal claim [or equivalent where you live] but I think that might be even more stressful than polite confrontation.

JOMP & Ada - Thanks for the advice!

Hidden camera.

Bring down his world.

justonemoreperson wrote:Get a pad of paper and a pen, clearly identify the following and then arrange a personal meeting with him:

1/ Define your constructive purpose. Both you and he are trying to achieve the same result, so spell that out as your constructive purpose. Do not ignore this step.
2/ Identify specific behaviour of his that is compromising your ability to be effective in those areas.
3/ Outline the behaviour you're entitled to as an employee of your employer, not him. He is your manager but not your employer and it's your employer you have a contract with.
4/ Make it clear that you're not willing to tolerate this behaviour and that you are showing him respect and courtesy by discussing the matter with him. Let him know that if it continues then you'll escalate the situation with his line manager.
5/ Write down his responses including any threats. Keep it objective and use respectful language.
6/ If he agrees then shake hands and re-state your constructive purpose.
7/ If he doesn't agree then remind him that you gave him the opportunity to discuss it but you'll now be requesting a meeting with his manager to discuss your working conditions.

lol i was wandering why i didn't know of this post
but ofc i bully my boss not the other way around

ps don't show my boss this