what should I do...

I've been suffering from bulimia for the past 2 years. I am currently a first year at college. I know I've wasted the last two years of my life, so I've already confessed to my parents right before coming to college, which was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life so far (except getting over bulimia of course, because I haven't gotten over it yet!). I'm proud of myself for having the courage to finally confess to them, and they tell me they want to do whatever is needed to help me get through this, but at the same time, I know they see me as weak because I can't get over this illness. My mom keeps telling me, and I agree with her, that even though I KNOW what is more important (love, family, friendship, myself, and my life vs. bulimia) in my life, I can't find the self control to stop b/p. I've gotten a lot better since I've come to college- but my determination lasts a few days and I always slip for a day or two, and this cycle keeps repeating. My friends in college are very supportive, and it makes me cry whenever they tell me that mental illness is just as "REAL" as physical illness, that seeing a psychiatrist or taking medications is NOT weak. But I am currently not doing any of those- I still feel alone even after confessing to my parents- because my parents want me to cure this with my own willpower and I've been trying and trying and I just see no hope. I can't find the courage to tell them, again, that I need more serious help... they'll think I'm incapable of curing this disease because I am weak, and they will withdraw me from college life, which I love so much, so that I can stay home and see a doctor, and so they can keep an eye on me. I don't know what to tell them, I don't want to lie to them again and say that I am fine, that I am cured, because I know I need help. I'm stuck and I feel helpless I get so proud of myself for being b/p free for 4 days, then I fall back again. What should I do?
Thanks for listening, it means the world to me, because my family, whom I love the most, don't understand how I feel and what I'm going through.

This is tough. I think every one of us here can relate to your story. Just WANTING to get better doesn't magically make it happen. (Unfortunately...)
There's a big difference between what your parents are telling you and what you think they will do or say if you bring up mia again. Is it possible that this is your illness talking? Mia will always tell you that the barriers are too tall, that everyone will hate you, that it's just better to remain in the grip of this disease. (Hear that? It's a DISEASE. Now, stop feeling guilty. )
It sounds like you've thought about getting help from a doctor. I recommend it. Of course, as a disclaimer- I'm a doctor. But, I also have mia. And I tried to do this on my own for years, with a similar pattern to what you're describing. Do well, feel great. Relapse, blame self. Resolve to do better. Begin again.
Make an appointment. Take a friend. Do whatever it takes, because I'll tell you, if you wait until you feel ready to confront this- you'll never confront it.
Keep us posted on how you're doing!

You aren't weak. You couldn't be a bulimic if you were weak, it takes A LOT to go through this. Your parents just don't understand. Explain to them what you've explained to us, that them meddling in your life is not going to help.

Counsellors are terrifying. I know, because I've never been able to go to one. My friend is pushing me to try, because my life is going down the drain. Tomorrow I'm going to find the building on campus. We'll see if I make the appointment. Then we'll see if I actually go. I know you are scared. We're all scared of taking that first HUGE step towards getting help. But just try it, that's what I figure, what have I got to lose? I'm sure there are student health services at your college where you can talk to someone confidentially. And they see a lot of it, especially in young girls going to college.

Keep talking to us here. We all try to support each other. We won't judge, we won't force you to do anything you don't want to. And it's a good place to rant if you have an especially frustrating day. Good luck. And try and make that appointment. We'll do a buddy system, lol, I'll go if you go.

thank you so, so, so much. I will keep posting, because it means so much to me to have someone to talk to about this- more than words can say- I'm sure you all understand! And yes astra, definitely do the buddy system. I'm not going to the school nurse just yet, but I am going to talk to an upper classmen confidentially first who has been through this (a mental health advisor-type person, except she is a student and will keep everything confidential--- I'm so thankful my school has a great system like this). Then I'm planning to talk to my parents about this more over christmas break- my break is over a month long... (which will be horrible because, you know, jolly season + a brand new year + resolutions... but to be optimistic, I can think it'll really be a great start because I will have told them the reality of what I'm going through and it'll be a step forward instead of falling backwards)

so thank you both incredibly much, my warmest wishes and let's keep each other posted.