just getting started

well...

im not even sure if when i eat it can be considered binging.

i don't eat more than a typical person at one meal.

i am definitely purging though, and have been for a year.

i started having some really bad financial problems and my support group pretty much fell out from underneath me.

i'm feeling generally worthless and in need of people who understand this compulsion.

i've read a few on here already, and feel like calling my boyfriend to tell him sbout whats been going on. but i'd rather that he be here. i feel like saying it to him on the phone might not get across how truly desperate I am.

I'm not even overweight.

In fact, i've steadily been losing weight for like the last 5 years. (I was overweight and am now pretty healthy)

So what am i desperate for?
I'm hoping i can figure that out.

i guess this is just an introduction.

i'm glad to be here.

welcome! Glad you found this site.


I hope you do understand that you truly do have an eating disorder. Being bulimic does not have to mean that you start out at a healthy weight and get more and more thin...to a very unhealthy degree....you can start out overweight...truly overweight...it's not all about thin people trying to get thinner. It's so much more then that. And it isn't always about how much or how often you eat. When I was at my worst w/ bulimia I started out weight 195lbs. I lost 50lbs in just under two months. Now obviously I was not at a healthy weight to start w/.....and when I got down 50lbs...I was at a weight where most people want to lose another 20 or so via healthy means! But it's HOW I got that 50lbs off and how quickly...the numbers I started at or ended at are not what should be focused on. And I didn't binge and binge and then purge. I often ate very little. But what little I did eat....I throw right back up. That is an eating disorder. There is no one cut and dry way to deal w/ an eating disorder. Just like the reasons vary as to why a person falls under this ....so do the ways a person takes it on.

I hope you consider seeking therapy soon. You've been hurting your body both physically and emotionally for a long time...I think you are just starting to see and accept the consequences this has had on your life.

Bulimia (we shorten it to mia sometimes, just a heads up) doesn't have to be so rigidly defined. Like Angel said, some peolple start out overweight, some people start out thin, some people stay overweight, some people get underweight. I think what we can all agree on is that we throw up what we eat.

When I started I just wanted to be able to eat junk foods without getting fat. I don't even rememeber if I was overweight or not, probably slightly. Enough to think that I needed to do something drastic. It's really a compulsive disorder once you get into it; you just can't stop. I went to down an unhealthy skinny weight. I stopped for my ex bf, but got back into it when we broke up.

I had a lot of problems with telling people; most of them don't know how to deal with it, so they just ignore the problem (like my ex). I have one friend who's always been there for me. But I find I can always be open on THIS site, and there's always SOMEONE who knows what you are going through. So if your support groups isn't there, and your friends, we'll ALWAYS be here to help. Good luck, and don't worry, it DOES get better.