My New Life

I have asked my boyfriend, my partner of 2 years, to move out, which he is doing tomorrow. I love him, I never loved anyone more than they loved me before. I asked him to marry me, it opened a huge can of worms and now he's moving out.
I'm not eating. I know I have to get my head together. But I can't sleep, can't eat.
I will not waste time with a man who does not love me the way I love him, I will not wait for him and hope he falls in love with me one day. After 2 years it should be obvious if its right or not.
I hurt though. Down to my very bones, I hurt. I wanted this. Now I start again, alone, with my cats.

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. That's never a nice thing to have to go through. Sometimes it feels that heartache is the worst kind of pain.

Although I must say, I really really REALLY admire your strength! The fact that you asked him to marry you. The fact that you ended things once you realized they weren't going anywhere. The fact that you asked him to leave, and are dealing with being on your own. It's just amazing. I have so many friends who stay in dead end relationships just because it's a relationship. That isn't fair to them, and it isn't fair to you. You will find someone, someone perfect for you. And maybe putting yourself out there, single again, will help you find them.

I know it's cheesy, but have you ever read the book 'He's just not that into you' by Greg Behrendt? It's from the show Sex and the City. But it has some really good points. Women always blame themselves when relationships go badly, and don't recognize that it's not their fault, and that they deserve much better. You took charge of your life. You realized it wasn't going to work, and did something about it. It hurts now, of course, but you'll get better eventually, find someone else who will make you a million times happier. I'm really really impressed, you're my new inspiration! You sound like a really smart, really strong girl, and I know you'll get through this. You aren't alone; it might just be over the internet, but we're still here, and we still care. And your cats will always love you .

^^^ Sorry, that was me, I got logged out by accident

Wow -- I'm going through the exact same situation right now... what a sad coincidence, huh? It was, however, different in that I was the "dumpee," (as of last Thursday) but we had the same problem of unequal amounts of love for each other, and his lack of commitment. He got freaked out by the prospect of marriage in the future (from my end) and suddenly told me that he felt caged in by the relationship, and also didn't feel a connection with me anymore.

I completely agree with, and am also impressed by, your decision to move on with your life. I've done this in a past relationship, and it's so hard to admit to yourself that this person doesn't love you enough to treat you the way that you deserve to be. My *newly* ex-boyfriend told me this himself, and blamed himself for immaturity and lack of commitment to stay in the relationship; but he also said my "neuroticism, disorders," and remaining "uncured" from this was too much to handle. IT'S BEEN FOUR MONTHS SINCE I WAS DIAGNOSED w/ three chronic disorders. Geez...

It was even worse since he was "living" with me, so I never slept alone. I feel so incredibly lonely, spend hours sobbing, and don't leave the house for days (I'm also PMSing....). So now it's just me and my 5lb dog; at least I still have a "bed-partner" to snuggle with.

I'm sorry that this got so long -- I didn't mean to go on about myself so much -- but I really just wanted to say that I can relate, and if I can offer any support, please let me know. The good part is that the end of a relationship gives you a chance to be independent, and enhance your social life (I had stopped asking my friends for support, so it's forcing me to ask for help from my friends, versus relying on romantic relationships). But it's so hard to get through to that point. All I can advise to do is try to stay as active as possible, filling your life with new activities, or at least just staying busy to get through the "raw" time. Good luck, and I hope you can feel better soon.

Wow, I am totally touched by your replies, thank you so much, it means alot

Things are OK, last night I had a weak night, I wanted more than anything to crawl back to him, beg him to get back together with me! Had a cry, had the type of talk with my mum that makes you remember all the good things about yourself. Made it through another day.

It'll get better and today I'm really positive. I'm going to a mia anonymous meeting on Saturday morning for the first time. I have a rewarding and challenging career, a beautiful apartment, good friends, family and cats, I won't be lonely. I am 24 years old, healthy, in recovery and I'll meet someone else, when I want to. Not for a long time I think, but when I'm ready.

I might get back together with Kev, who knows? But I'm strong enough that it will not be a purely emotional decision, it will be what is best in the long run.

I'm happy today, I'm positive. And it made a tremendous difference to me this morning to log on and find your supportive responses, so thank you again. Wish everyone all the best

BTW, I've never read 'He's just not that into you' but saw the Oprah show and agree wholeheartedly with the idea. No matter how painful it is, I think we should scrap 'em when they just can't commit, and that goes for men and women.

Its not easy and sometimes I can't quite remember why I'm doing it, the pain overwhelms the logic. But you only live once and you deserve someone who enhances that time, not drains it and keeps you waiting...

You have such a great outlook on life! I'm glad you are feeling much better. You did the right thing talking to your mom; when my friends are going through a rough breakup I always tell them to keep busy to keep their mind off it, to stop them from running back. I'm always here if they need to talk, phone, msn, in person; it keeps you sane having your friends there for you. You're doing really really great!

Kenzie wrote:BTW, I've never read 'He's just not that into you' but saw the Oprah show and agree wholeheartedly with the idea. No matter how painful it is, I think we should scrap 'em when they just can't commit, and that goes for men and women.

It's a really good book, my friend bought it for me when I was going through my breakup. We're going to start a chain, buying it for our girlfriends going through a rough time. It reminds you to have class, not to call him desperate to get back together, and to move on to something better. Here's the Chapter's site:

http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/item.asp? ... oks&zxac=1

You can read an exerpt from the book. Chapter 8: He's Just Not That Into You If He's Breaking Up With You, it's near the end. It was a real wake up call for me. And I NEVER use those self-help type books.

yeah somthing similar happend to me but i got over it lost a bunch of weight but yeah im like obsessed with my weight so i guess it wasnt a bad thing in my opinion

Another break-up book I absolutely love is "The Missing Piece" by Shel Silverstein. Yeah, it's a kids' book, but it addresses that feeling of how you see yourself in a really beautiful and direct way.
And it's so short, you can just read it standing in the bookstore.