Diagnose This

Okay. This post is based on a someone I know.

Here's the deal. She is 50 Pounds. She has been skinny for a very long time, but each year it seems to go down more. She's been to many doctors, heard many different things (It's Lupus, it's your hormones, blah blah) but never a definite answer. However, I personally don't think it's any of these things. I have no doubt in my mind she is doing this to herself.

On one of her recent hospital visits, nurses reports that they caught her throwing up. The Doctor wants to do more tests before finding out conclusively if this has always been the case. But all she does is talk about food and eat small portions. (She weighs her food on a scale)

So what is this? She eats little portions and still throws it up. Kinda like a hybrid of anorexia and bulimia?

Another thing. She is extremely manipulative. She has her Mom convinced that it's nothing she's doing to herself, it must be an illness like Tape Worm or such. I don't believe her, but her Mom, naturally, does.

What is this? What do we do? How can we help her if she can't even be honest with us?

I can't say anything conclusively, obviously, but it definitly sounds like she's ana/mia. Especially if they caught her throwing up.

Manipulation is a HUGE part of it. I've had moments where I've asked for help, then regretted it, and successfully convinced whoever I've told that I'm not mia. It's really really easy to lie about this kind of thing. And her mom will probably be the very last person to find out.

If she's in the hospital it sounds really serious. And she's not going to help you help herself. She doesn't sound like she wants to stop, especially if she's not being truthful. Keep an eye on her, try and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid. Always be there to listen to her. You could even tell her your suspicions, though she might not react positively. Just let her know she is fine the way she is, and no matter what you'll be there for her.

I can't tell you how to help her, because I don't even know how to help myself. But I know that it's really important to have people be supportive, and not force you to do anything. Otherwise, you shut down and start lying.

Good luck, and I hope she gets better. You're already helping her by coming to this forum, and showing how much you care.

Thanks.

I also fear that the lying has gone to an extreme level. We've tried to support her and everything but after a while that sort of fades. And then all you have left is constant arguing between her and her Mother.

Her Mom works so her grandmother usually is the one taking her to Doctor's Visits and stuff. I seriously doubt she tells us everything the Doctor told her. Even at the Hospital she said the Doctor came in, talked to her and that was it. She's not specific and seems to manipulate the story. I told her Mom that if she can't be there then she needs to talk to these Doctors over the phone or something. Because I think it's a bad idea to put a ana/mia in control of her situation.

Is she a minor? Her mother should BE IN ON THOSE APPTS.. I understand she is working, but her grandmother should not be handling these appts. Her mother needs to be told of your suspicions and her mother needs to be in on this.

I'm not sure your exact relation to this girl, but you need to tell your mother of your observations and concerns. edited....I don't know her height and that will factor in...but for what it's worth...my 7yr. old is edited. and edited" tall. She's very healthy for her age, eats well...just happens to be built like a twig...but she's 7...it fits her!

If it helps...print out this thread for the girl's mother or direct her to this thread/forum. I agree w/ the others that have posted for you; your friend is in denial and trying to hide her problem. I'm surprised the drs. are not calling this what it is and getting the mother in on things. That being based on my assumption that the girl is a minor. Often those of us dealing w/ bulimia will not want others to know, but at the same time we do have concerns about the overall affects on our physical help and we will seek out medical attention w/ the hopes the drs. can fix us and not find out the truth or our secret. And we can convince ourselves that the bulimia is not hurting us even as we sit in physical pain before our dr. It's easy to convince yourself of things that are not real. And sometimes we flat out know all the truths but that doesn't make accepting it easy and it doesn't mean we are ready to let go despite what we can see and know.

don't give up on your friend. Saying she's edited can paint a picture in our heads of her dire situation....again I realize we don't know her height and other factors...but I'm going to assume it won't change that picture much? She needs help. People that take it too far DO damage their body to the point they die. Their body shuts down and they die. karen Carpenter's is a famous story...but there are MANY stories out there.

Well she's 26. The Mother does everything she can, but I urge her to be a little more proactive. I keep telling her to talk to the Doctors over the phone or something if she can't be at the appts.

The Mother knows of my concerns and she brings it up a lot. Naturally she (When I say she I mean "her" not the Mother) denies that she is anorexic or bulimic. She insists it's something else. I for one am tired of looking for a scapegoat illness for her. I'm positive she is doing this to herself and the reason she goes to appts. & Hospitals is in hopes that they will find something else and she can use that as an excuse for her weight problems.

w/ her being 26 I am not sure there is much you can do except constantly talk to her...let her know she's not fooling any of you and that you know she's hiding the truth....I'm surprised her drs. have not stepped in .....

when I was in the depths of my bulimia...my dr. told me he wouldn't push at that point but if I came back and showed further signs of physical damage to myself or weight loss...he would step in and do all he could to have me admitted to an in-patient program...even if that meant against my will. You have to bear in mind my daughter was 18months at that time and also his patient...he had more then just me for concern at that time...and rightly so. That was my wake-up call....I didn't want my secret all out there for all to know...if I was committed...I would be taken away from my daughter for a month...my husband would have issues w/ work....I thought about all I'd screw up for others because of what I was doing to myself......I went for outpatient help then.

Good to know her mother is not also in denial about the situation. Yuo can always call some drs. in your area and find out if you have options w/ her situation. You probably won't get personal information regarding her situation from her personal drs. But you can always flat out call her drs. and tell them of your concerns. W/ the tight patient confidentiality laws....I'm not sure how far it will get you....but maybe the dr. can offer advice for you to go back to your friend w/ too.

wish I had better info for you....this one is hard.

Well thanks for your responses.

I do know that Social Services for some reason came by to see her while she was at the Hospital. Sadly, none of us were there so we will never get a straight answer on what kinds of questions they asked and all that.

Now, why would Social Services be there? I assumed that the Doctors called them fearing that she has become an endangerment to her own life and they perhaps need to step in. I really do hope that's the case.

So what does anyone recommend I do?

She's 27, still lives with her Mom and practically is in control of herself. She checks herself out of the Hospital when she wants so it's hard to really force her go anywhere she doesn't want to go. What facilities are there? (I live in South Florida) What things can I do to take the control of her life out of her hands? Make her Mom the legal guardian and pretend she's a minor? How would I do that?