need help for my sisiter

Hi all,

My little sister is 24 and is becoming seriously sick with bulimia and we don't know what to to. She is now just skin and bones. She does nothing all day except binge and vomit. She dropped out of uni three years ago in order to get better. But she has only got worse. She has no friends and doesn't go out. She lives with my mum who looks after her. She gives her a little bit of money every day to buy food. Mum is struggling financially herself.

My sister is very low and takes out all her frustrations on her family who try to be there for her. She is vebally abusive to us and also physically abusive to my mum. She has a vicious temper which is slowly getting worse.

She has had a few jobs in retail but eventually gives them up because she falls out with her colleagues. It is very difficult to get on with her because she is so angry.

She has tried some treatment, such as outpatient care and self help groups but gives them up saying that they are not for her.

Please help with any ideas you may have. We are desperate. We live in London.

Hi, im sorry your sister is so angry & sufffering badly with the bulimia. Firstly please remember she will probably hate the way she is and everything she does, because she hurts so much from the bulimia.

THe best thing to do is for her to see a doctor I think or find things she can do...because for me, being in the house all day is the worst thing..she needs to get out, meet people & maybe just become a happier person then she can start tackling the bulimia issue and I think gradually it will get easier for her, as for me, the busier I am the more I 'forget' the bulimia & dont have time to 'do it'

Good luck & I hope I am of some help, tho prob not. tke care honey.

hugs xxx

I hope she will seek help soon....try not to take too much to heart the verbal and phsycial abuse. However, you do still need to protect yourselves and as much as you love her...you should not have to put yourself in harms way. You don't want to nor should you need be her "enabler".

I have been through bulimia....it affects you more then just physically. believe me when I stress how it changes who you are emotionally as well. You do, believe, and act in ways you'd NEVER even briefly consider if you were actually well and your TRUE self.

But she needs help. Be firm. Tough love. Speak to a family counselor that is experienced in counseling for bulimia. Find out the best approach to take w/ her ...so that until you can get her into treatment....you know for your own lives the best approaches to take....or not take w/ her. Like your mom allowing her to live w/ her adn provide her food money. It's hard. But be firm. You know exactly where that food money is going don't you? so you have to let her know that you love her, but if it means everything she eats w/ that money she will only purge, then you simply can't give her that money anymore. Again...I urge you to talk w /a counselor so you know the right choices to make for all involved in this sitaution....there are many things to consider. I hate to throw suggestions out there when they may be right for one situation and not another. But don't just stand by and watch her not only self destruct...but take you and your family down w/ her.

Hi guest! I have an infinite respect for you and your family. I know how hard it can be for loved ones when they would do anything to help, but don't know how. It is frustrating and upsetting for the bulimic, too, as we all don't want to live like that...we want to get better...but if we can't figure it out, we don't know how other people can help us either.

When reading your post, I too had warning sirens going off when you mentioned that your mother gives your sis daily food money. This can be extremely hard for a bulimic. Whenever I've lived by myself, I find it really difficult to buy the 'right' foods. I usually tried to buy/eat healthily, but I had no concept of what was a good amount to have, that usually I didn't get enough. This would lead me to buy lots of food the next time.

As your mother is on a limited budget, and obviously has a more realistic view of 'normal' eating, it would be better all around if she bought and cooked for both of them. Talk to your sister, and find out what her 'trigger' foods are, and what she doesn't mind keeping down. Then try not to have the trigger foods around the house. But if she's throwing up everything, this will be a little useless I guess.

Also, it does help to get out of the house as much as she can. Try doing things with just the two of you (she may be anxious to be around others right now). Go for walks, go to a movie, go window shopping, do some volunteer work together, take up a hobbie together. The more 'fun' things in her life, the easier her recovery will be.

Biggest thing though, as the others suggested, is getting some sort of professional help. Are there any live-in eating disorder clinics in your area? (They're normally very expensive, though). How about showing your sister this site? Maybe it would be good for her to give herself a code name and talk to people who understand? (Though we're not professionals!)

Also, I was glancing through old threads in the bulimia forum a few days ago, and came across one for friends/family of sufferers, and it has a link to a site specifically for people like yourself. I haven't checked it out, but I figured I'd give you a link to the forum, and you might have a little squiz.

http://www.psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=5688

Good luck. You're an amazing individual!