Realised I Need Help! Any Advice?

Hi everyone,

I'm brand new to this blogging online but i'm in desperate need of help- and before you tell me to confide in family or talk to my gp you need to know that whilst i've been struggling secretly with bulimia for the past few years my little sister has had anorexia for the past one and almost died...anorexia you can't hide, it's written all over your body, people noticed it, she's getting help but is still very sick and has put a huge huge strain on our family. When she was diagnosed I was in a good place with my bulimia - an 'off period' i guess when i wasn't binging and purging too often. THe sicker she got the worse my binges and purges became and throughout the past year i've been purging at least once a day- sometimes i don't have specific binges on particular foods, sometimes it's just i'll eat double or triple portions of dinner and throw that up...or it'll be bad like tonight where i bake and eat an entire cake, ice-cream, cookies and cereal.. then struggle in earnest to bring it up again. I know I need help. I keep telling myself 'this will be the last time' but my thoughts on food are all consuming. I can't go ten minutes without thinking about eating, the next meal- yet I can't tell my family because they are already dealing with SO much with my little sister- i'm the older sister- i'm supposed to be strong and a role model. Mum and Dad are often in tears over her and the food fights that erupt on a daily basis effect my entire family. I often wonder what they'd say or do if they knew the battle that goes on in my head every day...I honestly don't think they'd be able to handle two daughters with eating disorders. They individually confide in me their worries about my sister as not to upset the other too much, i'm supposed to be the rock but even as I type this my teeth are aching and my mouth is dry. I need help. advice. anything! IF you can give me any tips or tricks to try and stop myself i'd be greatly appreciative! thanks,
post again soon,Lexa

Hi Lexa,

*hugz*

For now, why not try finding other people in your area who are suffering too? There might be a group in your area or an anonymous counselling service. To get better you're going to need more than some tips and tricks. You'll need an outlet for your anxiety and to deal with the underlying issues. If you're unwilling to get professional help you can try picking up a self-help book geared toward bulimia that might be able to point you in the right direction, but since you're still young you're going to need to iron out the issues before they become a permanent part of your life. It's scary to tell someone that you're suffering, but they can't help you unless they know.

You need help just as much as your sister does. It's damaging your body too, only it's not as obvious because you're not underweight. Secrets are part of what keeps an eating disorder thriving... eventually you are going to need to tell someone so you don't have to try and do this all on your own.

Lexa, you are the eldest daughter but your job is not you responsibility to be "the rock" of the family. That is your parents' job. Dealing with an ill child is stressful but they are meant to turn to each other or professionals for support. It's unfair that you feel the entire burden is placed on you.

I hope today has been kind to you, Lexa, and I hope this helps a little.