Need help with the temptation......

Hi there

Its my first time on here, was searching the internet and came across this site so wondered if someone might be able to give me some advice....

I am 24 and first became bulimic when i about 13 years old. I think it all started because i was going through a bit of a tough time and in a weird way it acted as a distraction. I remained like this until i was about 17 years old fluctuating between minor purging (once or twice a week) to severe (up to 6 times a day) but then it just kind of stopped. It wasn't like i intentionally stopped, i just did and looking back i don't know what made me stop. No-one had any idea what scale it got to, my mum thought i was doing it when i first started but thinks it stopped then.

It then came back briefly when i was about 22 for about 6 months or so and i think that was due to being in a bad relationship and it pretty much went again soon after we split. Like before i ate normally again and didn't think much about it.

Now for about the last 4 months i've been 'super-healthy'. I started trying to diet a bit cos i'm going away soon and want to slim down a little but i'm getting obsessed and am worried its going to come back again. So far i've resisted binging and purging but its come very close. I am vegan so my food is very limited anyway but now i've started to restrict myself most things and although i am still eating 3 meals a day, they are very small and i never pick anymore. BUt i still feel guilty about everything i eat and when i feel full after eating, i instantly want to vomit even though i haven't actually eaten that much.

In one way its good because instead of binging and purging i'm being healthy but i'm worried about the obsessiveness and the thought of losing the battle, giving in and returning to my old ways scare me. I know if it happens once i'll be right back to square one. I just want to be normal again, i have never spoken about this to anyone until now on here.
Does anybody have any advice on how to resist the relentless temptation? And why does it keep coming back again? Sorry if this is a long post, any replies gratefully appreciated.

first off hats off to you for goin straight for 4 months. ive cured myself by eating a clean diet also. no junk food. but i must say, i hope your not vegan just because everything is low calorie.

waking up and seeing i havent gained any weight after eating a 'normal' days worth of food is pretty much what made me forget about purging ever again. eating a 1lb steak with a huge sweet potato. the thought crossed my mind to purge since i was so ignorant to how the diet works, and i was scared of fats ( saturated fats more specifically ). but i didnt gain any weight and i woke up happy. and its beein goin forward from there.
im an active 16yo male so my dietary needs are ALOT more than yours. so dont eat what i eat(calorie wise).

but heres some diet tips

dont skip breakfast, should actually be your biggest meal of the day. not dinner. you havent eaten for the whole night you slept. your body wants food. i personally eat about a 5-6-700 calorie breakfast. mmm my favorite meal of the day too. oats made with whole milk. some natural peanut butter + cashews + walnuts. and a half scoop of vanilla whey protein all mixed in...*drools* breakfast is the shiznite. sorry

its up to you about this one but, i eat 5-6 smaller meals. cause it keeps up the metabolism. depending on your caloric intake, split up by 5or6 and eat that every 2-3 hours.

since your vegan, eat lots of nuts and avocado for those good mono/polysaturated fats. DONT NOT EAT FATS. they are vital for good health, nice hair and skin. keep sat fats to a minimum. and trans fats are death, in processed foods. they arent required by law to be labeled on the nutrition label, yet. if you look in the ingredients, anything 'partially hydrogenated' is trans fat. EVERYTHING processed has it, just about. but if you eat clean, then threes no problem.

if your ever craving something sweet or want a snack, since your vegan probably nothing new, but have a peice of fruit. an apple or pear or something. i call it natures candy. mm mm good.

drink lots of water. i do about a gallon+ a day. never mistake water retension for weight gain. water is retained in your skin and can look like youve gained fat, but its not. keep your sodium in check. that should be no problem if you dont eat fake processed foods.

dont try to maintain your weight at anything less than 1500 calories, ESPECIALLY if your doing cardio taht day. please, dont. unless your goal is too lose weight.

nobody notices 1lb or 5lbs except you. if you mess up, dont make it worse.

im only 16, but i know as much about diet and nutrition as any dietician. beleive me. if there any questions about nutritonal info you want to know, i probably know. so just ask.

sorry i didnt know i was logged in. but that post was me. i hope it helped.

Hi Supaman

Thanks very much for your post, its really helpful. Its good to hear advice from somone who's been there and come out the other side. I have to say i'm having a bit of a bad day today because it was my birthday on the weekend so i ended up drinking loads (was infact pissed most of the weekend) and ate loads more than i usually would. At the time i didn't really care, used the excuse "its my birthday and its just the once" but am now feeling really guilty. Nevermind, have still managed to resist purging so thats something. Trying to force myself to eat now because i all i want to do is not eat so to make up for it but i know that isn't a good idea.

The other thing is that i probably don't need to take in as many calories as most people cos i don't do hardly any exercise, i walk quite a bit but thats about as energetic as it gets! (i'm very lazy...!) So how many calories should i take in a day do you think? Also if i eat more one day, surely it makes sense to eat less the next and that will make up for it?

How come you know so much about diet and nutrician then?