Please read, I don't know what to do.

I haven't stopped eating all day. I ate as soon as I woke up and then I ate some more to block out the fact i wanted to purge but couldn't.
I've only just snapped out of it because I have a 2 hour driving lesson. I don't know what to do- I've basically eaten everything edible in the house. Even the sweets my mum bought for halloweeen that nobody is allowed to touch. My stomach is swollen and painful from all the food. I want to purge but its pointless because I ate it ages ago. I want to hurt myself. I'm scared I will cut again and the only thing I can thik to do is eat raw chicken to punish myself.
Please help. I'm scared.

Please, stay online and post. You will feel better. Any one can have a relapse and this is not the end of the world. You have no reason to punish yourself.
Go to your driving lesson and it'll be better when you get back. It's going to be ok.

I just can't believe I ate that much. I don't even remember eating half of it. Everyone is going to be really angry at me.
I just want this to end, but its never going to go away. I'm so tired because I haven't eaten in like a week so I could barely sleep.Now I'm going to have to stay up all night exercising. I really hate myself so much. Why can't I just not eat. I have to punish myself for being such a failure.

No, you are not a failure. Nothing bad will happen to you because you did this. You shouldn't stay up exercising all night. Please get some rest. You just have an illness, you're not a bad person.
Try to reach out to your family when they see what happened. You have this place and you can post when you feel helpless and angry, you don't have to punish yourself.

Hey, are you ok? I'm sorry I wasn't around much when you posted, my internet connection was acting up.

Hiya,
thanks for your replies.
I'm still binging, its like I can't stop. Usually I feel really guilty but yesterday and today its like I feel nothing. I haven't even got the energy to make myself sick. I want to feel something and the only way I can do that is by eating.
It was weird because it was like all the guilt and anger at myself hit me in one go yesterday.Usually as soon as I've eaten anything- even a bite of an apple I feel like I've lost control and I have to be sick. I don't know why but I felt like I was beyond caring and I ddn't care what happened to me as long as I could feel the pain of having food inside me.
I think its happening again. I've already eaten loads again, I really want to be sick but I just can't bring myself to do it because its not going to undo the fact that I'm weak and disgusting and I've already let everyone down anyway.
My mum screamed at me yesterday. She said that I had to "stay in control"- if only she knew how hard I was trying to control food.
I wish this would all go away, my mum keeps telling me its difficult for her when I eat 'their' food. I feel so guilty, I'm really trying not to eat. But I can't do it,I can never be good enough for her.
Anyway, thanks again for listening. Sorry about going on about myself so much.

(((((((((((((notthatclever)))))))))))))) Your mom should understand that you have a problem and her yelling is only making it worse. You don't have to be good enough for her if she doesn't understand you.
All you have to be is yourself and try to work on yourself. Maybe you're eating so much now because you didn't eat for a while and you need the energy.
It's hard to feel numb, but doing what you hate isn't the only way to stop it. Why don't you get out of the house a bit and take a walk. Stop the binging that way. You are a good person and you don't deserve this.

Reading that made me cry. Everything is so hard at the moment and it sometimes feels like nobody understands because I'm expected to carry on like this isn't happening.
I fainted at work today, one minute I was standing up and the next I was on the floor. I don't know why. Yesterday i made myself sick and took loads of laxatives, but that wouldn't make a difference today would it?
I'm back to not eating again, it feels a lot better than making myself sick. I love the control, if I eat I know that I can take some laxatives and be sick.
I want to make my mum happy and I don't care how I do it, I don't even care if I die. Will this ever go away?

It can go away. Why do you want to make her happy?
Maybe thinking about it and talking about it will help you get control over the way you feel and your problem will get better.
I'm sorry you fainted and I'm sorry my post made you cry. It's so hard to feel alone and like you'll never get the love and support you need from the person that you love. The people in your life seem to be acting like your feelings don't matter.
I've been there but I've gotten better. You can work with the support and validation you get here and try to become stronger.

First of all I would like to say that it made me cry because it was so nice.
I want to make her happy because I feel like I've always let her down in the past. She always relies on me as someone to talk to and I feel like I've been wrapped up in myself so I haven't been there for her. My mums had a lot going on recently and I feel really happy for her that she now has a boyfriend after years of bringing up me, my brother and sister, but now she doesn't need me anymore now she has someone else. She is only ever happy when she's with her boyfriend and I feel totally useless. The only thing she has ever wanted me to do is lose weight. I feel like if I starve myself I might mean something to her again. I know it sounds stupid, but it makes sense in my head. When I binge she gets angry at me, when I used to eat normally I "needed to lose weight", so all I can do is starve. Thats why I feel like such a failure when I eat and thats why I have to punish myself.
I know you shouldn't do something just because someone else wants you to, and I probably seem like I care too much about what other people think, but I really want to be alright in her eyes just once.
If you don't mind me asking, what eating disorder did you have and how did you get over it? I know some people say they just get fed up of it, or they realise that it is pointless. the thing is I know these things but I can't let go of this eating disorder because I deserve the pain it causes me.
Sorry about the long post.