I relapsed

I went to websites I shoulda stayed away from. I can't blame them entirely... I use purging to release negative feelings and i have been feeling #######5 about my weight. I have all kinds if fears and anxieties about myself and my body. I am afraid that now that I did it I will keep on doing it. The urge is so bad right now. I called a helpline and the lady literally was snoring in my ear. I guess I am screwed up and BORING. I am really scared right now, I am trying to stay away from food and the bathroom so hard, but I really want to give in.....

Hi, hope! Don't give up, post here and talk to us when you feel bad. Stay away from those sites, you can't get anything good from them. It's not your fault that woman from the helpline didn't pay attention. You have this forum now

since the purging I am having hardcore stomach pains. i'm afraid to see a doctor for fear they'll put me in the hospital. My doctors really react when they think I am relapsing as I have been so bad off as having feeding tubes.

Did you do anything to help with the pains before? Maybe drinking a little milk or some tea would help. You should do what you need to stay healthy, but I understand if you don't want to be put in the hospital.
You'll be able to keep this problem under controll again, like you did before.

i'm going to try some decaf tea. if the pain gets worse i'll call my md. it's getting really bad though.

I hope the tea helps, hope. I'll be thinking of you!

thank you

You're welcome! You can talk here any time.

you know, I am really upset about that chick on the phone falling asleep on me. I sure she was tired, couldn't help it, and whatever. But what if I were a person in an even more dangerous crisis? Ready to jump of a ledge? I also have schizoid personality so I rarely TALK to people, thus this is a bigger blow. It reenforces my wanting to disconnect. that people aren't really all that great, etc. I feel ashamed of actually feeling emotions enough to want to reach out. And ultimately ashamed that I "felt" enough to have a purging incident. That is really my biggest fear about telling my doctor what happened... I'll be hospitalized which means leaving my home and having to be around living breathing people in a touchy feely environment. More aggravation- more needing to go back to my low emotion states and if I'm feeling way overstimulated or aggravated or whatever feelings... I will have ed urges, because my usual methods of blocking and isolation will be interfered with. Then purging gets interfered with in these places (as it should) only causing more frustration.

Maybe if you explain it to your doctor, he'd understand. He has to know that it's different for people who have schizoid personality disorder. It's up to you, though. You can try to take care of yourself. You have every right to feel angry about that helpline woman falling asleep like that, but it doesn't mean that it'll be the same with everyone else. I think you will make friends here.