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purging without trying

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purging without trying

Postby ezilabeth » Mon Dec 26, 2016 5:36 am

Im new here so hi! Theres something thats been bothering me for a while and im curious if it happens to anyone else.
I first developed eating problems about 6 years ago. At a point the bulimia got so bad i was purging 1-3 times a day. Now it cycles in and out in terms of severity, but sometimes after I eat a good-sized meal and feel particularly guilty, the food will come up on its own without me trying. I know this is gross, but it just starts bubbling up and i have to leave the room to spit out mouthfuls. As you can imagine, this can be really inconvenient and it makes me sad. I think its correlated with feeling guilty/anxious about eating, like my brain is so used to having that feeling and immediately vomiting after that its just doing it on its own. I dont know though. Has anyone else experienced this? Is it normal? as someone who's trying to recover it can be really discouraging and also scary to not have control over your body.
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Re: purging without trying

Postby starguitar » Tue Dec 27, 2016 2:41 am

Hey! Welcome to the forum, I'm new too.

I definitely have experienced this. When my ED was at its worst, I was purging 6 times daily (6 is my lucky number), and after years of purging I got to the point where I had trouble keeping any food down. I'm not sure whether it's a physical or psychological thing (probably both). I still remember the first time it happened to me, I ate a relatively normal portion of food, and within a seconds of finishing, I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. It was scary, but at the time I mostly felt proud of myself.

I also have a problem with rumination, and even throughout all of my time in treatment I have had trouble with letting this go, and that can easily lead to vomiting, so I'm here with you, it's beyond tough. Even now, I can throw up just by bending over, or pressing on a certain part of my stomach, so it's become a kind of second nature thing.

I think as you go through recovery, you'll be able to physically and mentally handle keeping food down, it will just take some time. I know it's disheartening, but at least you're trying to get better, and it will get better/easier!

Have you talked to a doctor about it?
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