Thought I'd found it

I hadn't eaten in 2 and a half days (the fact that I'm counting the half should insinuate how much effort I've put into this; please keep reading) and I felt pretty good about myself. Today my girlfriend convinced me to eat 2 rolls with cheese (full of fat I'm guessing) and a portion of egg fried rice (this covered with lots of salt and vinegar). The rice I tried to throw up later but couldn't which I'm guessing was the fact that I hadn't eaten in 2 and a half days.

I wasn't hungry at the time but also included in my bulimia is a disorder that I believe is affecting my inability to make decisions. I ate the rice with regret and then felt guilty, as I knew I would afterwards. My girlfriend is currently ill with a bad cough and has recently gone on a diet which I believe has affected me greatly; I compare my eating to hers even though I know I shouldn't.

Anyway, after spending that much time not eating I was getting used to it because I find that when I eat I can't stop. After eating the egg fried rice I felt guilty and wished that the feeling of guilt would stop. The only people I know that know I have an eating disorder are my girlfriend and 2 friends. I always compare my eating to my girlfriend which is very unhealthy. I'm sure she knows this. Both of the friends that have knowledge of this information don't talk to me about it, which I suppose is a good thing. One I see every Monday for band practice and the other I see very rarely but still consider him a friend.

I feel guilty about my girlfriend always being on the recieving end of all of this negativity and I really want to tell my mum. I guess this post is for information concerning other people that have told there parents, how they've done it and the reaction they have recieved. I understand that, like piercings, the reaction will be different for each person but I would really like some confidence in this matter.

Please assist, any information would be of great value. Thank you.

P.S. I appologise for any spelling or gramatical mistakes; I've been drinking a little because it's the only way I feel comfortable going to sleep after eating more. Each morsel of food I eat I feel guilty about.

I know how u feel. My boyfriend is the only person who really knows about my ED. He thinks I should tell my parents, but I don't want them watching me any closer than they already do. It's enough that they know about the depression and self-harming... and coming clean about that was about the hardest thing I've ever done. I remember my Dad crying. I couldn't do that to them again with Bulimia, and the bpd. Recently I've started trying to get help from the Eating Disorders Association. They're v good, I've dealt with them before, and they're a charity... they base how much you should give them on how much you earn. I'm a student, so I don't pay anything. The councellors all specialise in EDs, so it really is a good place to go to get help outside your family. They have a website, but i'm not entirely sure what it is. It will come up on google tho. Good luck, and I hope I've helped. xx