Personal release

This is for my own benefit of being able to get this off my chest.

I have only been a sufferer of this for a short time, maybe about 3 months, but feel that it has taken over my whole life, but I'm sure this is the 'norm'. It started out harmlessly enough with me setting guidelines in my life to follow. At 17 I stopped drinking alcohol, after that I quit smoking then becam a vegetarian. But after a while I began to grow bored with these small obsessions and decided to undertake the task of only eating when I'm hungry.

By normal standards I've never eaten as much as others, but have never been over or under weight. Now everything I eat makes me feel guilty and I have to go through a routine of over-eating, throwing it all back up, self harming myself and sit ups to make myself the way I want to be. I've always been 'into' self harm as a nice relief from life, something to make me as though I'm still alive and as a way to punish myself.

After my girlfriend noticed an odd behaviour in me I confessed to her that I was bulimic so she convince me to get help. I have seen a doctor and am waiting for a referal. I am underweight but still unhappy with my weight and more so my physical appearance. I try not to eat all day and then binge in the evenings. I feel guilty because not long ago I used to be able to not eat during the day and then eat very little in the evening.

I just feel as though food has taken over my life. Everywhere I go I see people eating or food and even when people hand out free food (they were handing out free mars bar ice-creams in town today) I cannot take it because I know that the guilt will be too much.

At the moment I'm sitting in my dark room with my closest friends and my girlfriend around the house and feeling really bad because I'm not hungry yet all I can think about is eating.

I really cannot wait to get this referal, I just hope that they can find out why I like to cause myself such pain and I hope they can help me figure out what I can do.

Thank you for reading this and please note that if there are any of you out there that feel the same, you are not alone in your thoughts. I'm so glad I found this community and feel that this could play a big part in my recovery.

Hey,

I live across the waters in Ireland, am also bulimic, and am male. Also, like you, I restrict my food intake during the day but binge-eat at the evening/night time.


I have already gone through the GP to Psychiatrist to Therapist route and it definately helped. My therapist instilled some good habits in me. That's what it all is: At the moment you have habits that are damaging your mind. You need to alter them somewhat, but do so slowly. Consider the most pressing problem first and begin thinking about alternatives to it.


Kevster

Thank you. It feels good to have someone to talk it over with that has been through the experience, especially to know that there is a way out of the habit.

There's always a way out of, well, everything I suppose - If not physically, then mentally. The feeling of not suffering alone is a big help and can boost the confidance levels somewhat.


Kevster