A THING THAT I CARE TO ASK YOU ALL

Please, please I really wish to know you answers to a question is very dear to my heart. I don't mind if you post to the forum regularly or not and I welcome anybody of any age and background, but please do take part of the topic and tell me, truly and with no shame:

IF YOU CLOSED YOUR EYES WHEN YOU ARE ALONE, WENT DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU AND THOUGHT OF THE ONE THING THAT YOU KNOW IMMEDIATELY, BY INSTINCT, WOULD FILL YOU IN ONCE AND FOR ALL IF YOU HAD IT, SO THAT YOU'D NEVER FEEL THE NEED TO BE BULIMIC ANYMORE, WHAT WOULD THAT BE?

My personal answer is quite simple really and quite unreachable also: Love. If I only could learn again to express the love I posses and pour it in all the things I can create while, at the same time, be the object of the very same by someone corageous and true...if this could constitute the core nature of my 1:1 personal relationship and job too, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't need bulimia at all.

Whay about you?

Minerva...before I even read your answer the word that immediately came to mind after reading your question was love.

Thanks Priscilla for taking the time to reply!

I hope more people will let us know about their own "one thing". I see I had 46 readers so far, but only you had the courage to tell me your truth.

Have a good day!

I tried this but i honestly don't know what it is

weepingwillow wrote:I tried this but i honestly don't know what it is

But dear weepingwillow, this IS your reply, so thanks!

At the moment you just don't know and maybe it would be interesting for you to find it out!

You're welcome Minerva! I think that you asked an excellent question and it is when people do that or come up with other ways for us to have some conversations about this problem that we all deal with, that this forum will be a healing place.

And to be honest, I am really hoping that we can all get some comfort here. It is helping me...but only because there are people interacting with me!

So thank you Minerva for bringing up something that is not that easy to talk about. When we admit what we are missing, it can make it that much more real.

Or like you mentioned willow-make us think about why we have these issues. Examining that can be terrible...but needed!

Peace to you all!
P.

Priscilla13 wrote: (...) this forum will be a healing place.

That is exactly what I am hoping to achieve too. Since I started to post and read even old threads, I did realise that we all have common mechanisms of reaction towards whatever is causing our bulimia. Sharing and, of course, analysing what we have shared (this is an action we have to carry out voluntarily outside the forum though) I truly believe it will help us sort of acquiring a less distort perspective over ourselves and the reality we live in and with which, obviously, we are not able to coop very well.

And to be honest, I am really hoping that we can all get some comfort here. It is helping me...but only because there are people interacting with me!

Indeed!

So thank you Minerva for bringing up something that is not that easy to talk about. When we admit what we are missing, it can make it that much more real.

Or like you mentioned willow-make us think about why we have these issues. Examining that can be terrible...but needed!

Peace to you all!
P.

You are very welcome P. I wish we could receive more replies even from people that like willow don't really know what cause their bulimia. By writing and explaining our reactions and what triggered them, we could all verify what we have in common and try together to overcome the problems. This thanks to the fact that we all are more rational and objective when we talk about others, but if we realise that our objectivity is aimed to something we also feel...then...we will be truly closer to help ourselves too!

Camon people! SHARE!!!

I guess mine would be love too. I think that if people actually cared about me I wouldn't need to be bulimic anymore. To be honest, I think the first time I made myself throw up to see if anyone would notice anything wrong. When nobody did, it only got worse. I was over weight before, but now I am down to half my weight in just 10 months, but still no one has noticed. I think once someone will take the time to notice and care about me, then I won't have to be bulimic anymore.

mia99 wrote:I guess mine would be love too. I think that if people actually cared about me I wouldn't need to be bulimic anymore. To be honest, I think the first time I made myself throw up to see if anyone would notice anything wrong. When nobody did, it only got worse. I was over weight before, but now I am down to half my weight in just 10 months, but still no one has noticed. I think once someone will take the time to notice and care about me, then I won't have to be bulimic anymore.

Thank you Mia99 to tell us a bit about you.

I suppose it won't be very useul to tell you that the first one in the world who has to show love towards anyone is you towards yourself. I know this sounds corny and repetitive (I read about this all the time and it gets me annoyed because if I could love it I wouldn't need to either hurt my body or scar my soul as I do daily) but in the statement there is still quite a truth .

Loving ourselves should help us realise what actually love is; we need to learn to recognise it for what it is and not for what we would like it to be. Oscar Wilde said: "It is not the perfect, but the imperfect, who have need of love" and I believe that men and women who suffer from eating disorders are incapable of accepting the weaknesses/imperfection of reality and love.

Often I say to myself that I will never find love (or to better say...love won't ever find me) because noone can love a person who, like me, degrades herslef by acting as she does. I hope for someone to love me, but I don't believe it at all, and why could I since I don't love myself in the first instance?

Very tricky subject the one on love. I hope you will find soon someone who appreciates you completely, but more than that I wish for you to realise first that wihtout your own effort towards yourself other people won't make a great deal of difference.

Forgive me Mia99 if I sound severe but I think it's silly for us on this forum to offer only polite replies and sugary understanding. I wish we could all kind of challenge ourselves. I also need your sharp debating to force myself to seriously think trough my behavior and change it.

Do you undestant what I mean?

I send you a big hug!

I know that I need to love myself first and care for my health before anything, and I realized that today. Today I told my counselor and my softball coaches everything that's going on. One of my coaches has even gone through some of the same things. I think I might be able to stop my bulimia now that I have a big support group. And also, I know that it's up to me to get better. I need to love myself in order for this to work. You were perfectly right to say that and I appreciate that you said that.