Please Help! I need an immediate answer if possible :(

Sorry to double post, but I don't know if anyone will view my old post. You can feel free to look through it if you haven't already. it's the post about My Girlfriend is Bulimic.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well, I felt I should do a followup. I'm not sure how serious this is getting.. but I really could use advice..

Lately I've noticed my girlfriend is starting to have huge mood swings. She will go from crying her eyes out as she tells me what happens when she binges, to all of a sudden yelling and screaming at me.

I've read somewhere that this kind of irritibilty comes along with this disorder but I'm not 100% sure. I'm trying so hard to understand what she is going through. I try to never take anything she says hatefully to me as a threat. Especially after she hangs up on me and then right away apologizes for how she acted. She thanks me all the time for being there, but I can't help feel I'm not being there enough =(

She's all the way across the ocean.. and all I can seem to do is talk to her on the phone or e-mail her.. I tend to call her a lot and maybe I'm being a bit excessive.. I don't know. I call her at least once or twice a day to check on her. It's a costly bill but I don't care.

What's really concerning me is she told me how she has been looking online for ways to make herself sick. She's been looking for products or methods to aid her in throwing up because she says when she does throw up, not enough comes out... this worries me greatly, especially since she said she sometimes gets nose bleeds after purging.

What really scared me is when I asked her to tell me if she had been feeling suicidal at all (having been suicidal at one point in my life myself I sort of picked up on certain actions of hers) and she told me "I can't answer that" which basically answered the question =(

I don't want to lose this girl... she is wonderful in so many ways and is the light of my life. It pains me to see her in such pain. My friend who is a recovered anorexic keeps telling me she'll be ok, and to not intervene...
But I can't help but think.. if I don't do something, it will be too late. What do I do? Do i tell her family? do I have them bring her back home from England? I don't want to make things worse, but I feel like they are getting worse and FAST.

I have a feeling this all stems to her mother passing away a while back, and her wanting to bury her ashes in Scotland (her mom's homeland) before she returns back home... But she isn't planning to come home until August.. 4 months... Please.. any advice would greatly help.. Am I acting the right way? Is there anything I can do? and should I intervene at all?? She won't tell her family, although she has been getting awfully close to confiding in her aunt. But the looking for ways to puke more and the blood and her feeling suicidal make me think this is getting bad fast.

ok, hopefully i can help you.. seen as i am a teenage girl that is not 100% happy with the way she looks in this society...here goes..
i dont know your girlfriend or wat she is going through, but i can tell u wat i am going through and hopefully it will give u a better idea of wat she is going through..
i just want to feel really nice and sexy all the time.. sounds stupid, but just being honest here to help you.. by nice and sexy, i mean doing wateva it will take to get attention. i want nice skin, perfect body tanned, toned, u kno etc etc.. sometimes when i realise i do not neccesarily have these things i get depressed and undergo MAJOR moodswings coz im pissed off/... purging is a quick fix for years of dieting that never work.. i have tried dieting hndreds of times and never seem to keep more than 5kgs off.. so when i started thtrowing it up it kind of worked, i could eat wateva i wanted to, throw it up and it was tho id been eating perfect, and i therefre lost weight, more than 5 kgs u kno.. so no matter wat anyone said, i thoughgt it was a good way, EVEN tho i kno it was doing me damage, it was as tho i didnt care i would do anything to be skinnier.. i would even tell ppl i wasnt doing it when i was, so b careful with her..
one thing i wanted people to know was that i was NOT angry at them directly, even if it looked like it.. i was more annoyed at myself and wat i had not accomplished, self esteem issues..
im not sure wat its called but i read about it in dolly magazine the othet month about girls having obsessions that never end, they will always find something to improve on, always, which is y girls today have such a general low self esteem, when they r beautiful..
all my advice would be to you about her is (giving you advice based on wat i wouldve wanted at the time) is not to tell her about how dangerous purging is (she already knows this and probably doesnt care), and do not just hope she isnt (coz she probably is in secet, most balemics do), but to get it into her head that she is not overweight and she does not need to lose anyore weight, give her lots of attentin and make her feel loved..
sorry for such a long reply, but i know how i felt and it was a really hard time i went through, i just want u to kno that she is not mad at you, it is the balemia talking.. i hope it all works out for yous both..

ps/ about her lookign online for ways to purge, and not enough is coming out when she does it, i also had the exact same thoughts.. only a little bit would come out when i tried it, and i wanted more to come out too..
all i can say here is its all a part of the balemia, and when i forst started coming to this website i wanted to lok for ways to purge too, maybe she could get some councelling? i found that was kind of helpful too.
i can assure you that she is uncomfortable with who she is and that is the reason she is purging. give her lots of attention and tell her she is beautiful for who she is NOW. the first step she needs to take tho is admitting she has a problem..

well she knows she has a problem. It's the fact that she gets the nose bleeds that scare me. I'm probably the only one that knows about her condition, and I'm the hardest person to talk to for her. Often I'll call her and she'll just sit silently on the phone listening to me ramble. I tell her all the time how much I love her and how beautiful she is.

Last night tho she just went into a panic attack because she didn't know what she was going to do and I just could listen as she cried for her family. I just don't know what to do. Do I call her family and tell them??

one thing i can tell you is that if she wants to achieve this goal of hers (bulimia=becoming skinny quick) she is not going to tell anyone who is capable of stopping her, u get me? im not sure how you came to find out about her condition, but if i was you, i wouldnt keep it a secret. if she isnt going to do anything about it, someone else needs to. if you tell her family, make sure they deal with her out of love and not anger tho.. after she has been given proper help, she will be greatful for your concern, hoowever, she may become a little agrivated in the meantime
ps/about the nosebleeds, im not sure wats up with that, but it doesnt seem too good.. u should ring up a doctor or medical centre or somethng and just ask a general question about it over the phone whether it is dangerous or not.. goodluck with it all//

She getting tons of attention- why quit? Maybe you should consider why you have a need to be the "saver" perhaps you have self esteem issues and a need to be "better" than someone? You could be doing more harm than good, it seems like its more about you than her.

I replied to this, but it's at the other thread, if anyone missed it

rogirl wrote:She getting tons of attention- why quit? Maybe you should consider why you have a need to be the "saver" perhaps you have self esteem issues and a need to be "better" than someone? You could be doing more harm than good, it seems like its more about you than her.

Whoa.. what kind of response is this?? I'm not trying to be a saver to need to be a better person than anyone. Look I don't know if you understand the seriousness of this situation. I'm the only one she's told, the only one she's confided in. I want to help her get through this because I love her, because I don't want the woman I love to die.

When someone who loves you admits to you a problem they have that is making them suffer and cries to you every night on the telephone from across the ocean, then maybe you'll understand the position I'm in.

Hi Hituro, the fact that you love your girlfriend enough to be out here looking for information is really exceptional. I am in my mid-thirties and have recovered from 16 years of bulimia -- started in college.

Before having bulimia, I had major mood swings in high school, plus digestive issues - constipation, discomfort after eating, etc. Many bulimics and binge eaters have issues with certain foods, whether they are in pain or not. Processed foods, wheat and sugar, in particular, can act like heroin in the body and create cravings and mood swings.

I recovered when I started following The Body Ecology Diet, by Donna Gates (bodyecologydiet.com). This is a way of eating that repairs the digestive system. I stopped bingeing and purging on day 1 of starting this diet. Other binge eaters have told me they recovered with Kay Sheppard's food plan: kaysheppard.com. This is very similar to the Body Ecology Diet in many ways, although a bit different. Kay has some good articles on her website that talk about how certain foods are like alcohol or drugs in terms of being addictive.

I also spent a great deal of time working on my fears, anxieties -- and creating mind, body and spirit alignment. Eating disorders are complex and while they may involve digestive issues that can be fixed through a healing diet, there are also other contributors like not knowing what's really in our heart, not feeling loveable and not feeling good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, etc. The eating disorder is a behavior that masks these things. So yes, I'm sure her mother's death contributes to the pain she is trying to cover up.

No one can stop her except herself. Each of the recovery actions takes commitment from the person with an ED -- parents, spouses, significant others, friends -- no one can stop them. The best thing you can do is continue to provide her your support, listening and love. You can also bring her information that might be of interest to her -- sometimes, education/information can help. If she is open to trying/experimenting with some recovery strategies, it might be useful.

I provide a lot of strategies, solutions and coaching in my recovery blog:
http://TranscendBulimia.com

By the way, bulimia tends to keep the body bloated and distorted looking. Eating a healing diet like the Body Ecology Diet actaully allows the body to stay slim naturally, not to mention lose the bloating. Most people are much happier with their bodies after within a couple of weeks when the bloating from an ED goes away. Although body-focus needs to change for an ED to change, these results tend to help people learn to trust that their body cares for them when they care for their body.

Heather

yo rogirl...i think ur the one with the problem here, the dude is asking for help for someone he loves dearly and all u can do is try to bring him down? i dont know wat u would do if u had a friend in need with bulimia/anoreixa, but just coz this guy is asking for help does not mean he has selfesteem issues or is trying to be better or the 'saver' or wateva the heck u just said!!! chill bro, this guy is doing a good thing, keep it up man gudluck with her...