Does an overweight Bulimic exist?

I am heavy. *edited* to be precise. (i'm sorry to break the primary rule of the page but I feel this is vital to the story)
I am 22 years old and have suffered with binging/purging since i was 17. I was always a large child and come from a VERY large family. My weight at 17 was *edited*. I had a child at 18 and straight after was repulsed by my body and needed a quick fix. Thats when i found binging/purging although I still find it difficult to call it that as i'm still heavy now and the term 'bulimic' i've always reserved for underweight and malnourished looking people.
I went down to *edited* and fell pregnant again. After my second child was born I was again repulsed and began purging again. The problem I have is, I'm still not happy with my body or shape but i'm ready to do this healthily. I dont want to rush to the toilet after every meal, or to have to hide the bruises and scars on my hands from my teeth from my partner, or for my daughter to ask "Is your tummy poorly mummy?" when i'm locked in the bathroom.
I have been doing this for so long (to me) now that any time I try to eat healthily or do any diet plan I put on LOADS of weight.
I took a break on holiday with my family for a long weekend. I ditched the purging and really enjoyed myself for 3 days. I weighed myself when i got home and had put on *edited*! I did a lot of walking and playing on the beach with my children and didn't eat ot drink outrageously. It was summertime and my appetite wasnt huge so I just dont understand it. I know that going from my current state to a healthy, nutritional diet, I will have to allow for some weight gain in order for my body to normalise. Every time I try to eat properly and drink lots of water (Not diet, just eat healthily) I put on weight (sometimes up to *edited* in 2 weeks!!) and my determination and motivation goes out the window and I begin to purge again.

I'm in a cycle of disappointment, purging, healthy eating, weight gain, disappointment.

Please tell me how I can get myself out of this and get on a plan that will work and not make me gain so much weight as soon as i eat any little thing.

Thank you

Hi KarmaLight,

It's very possible to suffer from bulimia no matter what your shape & size is. Bulimics, unlike our anorexic cousins, are more likely to be average or above average in size. Even if you don't meet the diagnostic criteria for bulimia, you are still suffering, and dealing with that is what needs to be focused on.

There could be an underlying medical reason for your problem, or it can be an adjustment period you body needs before leveling out. It's really hard to tell. I think it would be wise to talk with your GP to see about ruling out medical conditions first, and then get a referral to a dietician. They'll help you come up with a meal plan to follow that will lessen your urge to binge.

I can't remember the reasons offhand, but I have the same problem as you with gaining weight even though my habits become healthier. After a while it levels off and if the healthy habits continue, the weight gradually comes down. Not as fast as it piles on and it takes a lot of patience, but given a chance it does happen. It does take some time and I know it's tempting to fall back into old binge/purge patterns because the anxiety gets bad. Do you have any type of support or treatment for this?

*hugz*

Thank you ladyswan, for acknowledging my post. So often I try to talk about my problems or seek advice via the "my friend..." approach and it's just overlooked.
I have been to the doctors and said how i'm not happy with my weight, but the 3 different doctors i've visited have congratulated me on my loss (without them knowing the means of the loss), and referred me to a dietician who I can't get along with for some reason. I feel like she is a 'know it all' who isn't on my wavelength at all.
Aside from having low iron and potassium, the GP tells me i'm pretty much as healthy as they come ( which also tells me *weeellllll, this isn't really doing me any harm is it?) which i know is wrong.

I think My partner may have had an inkling about what was going on just after my first daughter was born as I was openly going to throw up after big meals *but* I told him i had an issue with my digestion which had just been diagnosed. This was quickly eliminated when i found out I was pregnant with my son and i just decided i want my baby to be healthy at any cost to me so the B/P cycle stopped. Now my baby has been born i'm back to my old ways and my partner now asks me what i've done to my hands -I purge with my fingers- and comments on my going to the bathroom so often, I dont want to hide this anymore but i'm not ready to tell him. I dont want there to be anything to hide.

I think I need to have more patience with myself and a healthy diet if you say it will level out. I have very limited patience with myself when it comes to my diet. I really do appreciate your advice and any other tips you may have for me. I will look into seeing another nutritionist but i'm not ready to open up about my problem completely yet

Hi KarmaLight,
You're not the only person who struggles with this problem! Whenever I go through periods of 'recovery' (i.e. not purging) I always put on weight, and it seems to be rapid weight gain. I think that's just a symptom of recovery. When your body is used to purging episodes its going to develop mechanisms to counteract that, to absorb as much nutrition as it possibly can. So, when you start to eat normally again, it will take a while to reach a plateau, so to speak.

KarmaLight wrote: a dietician who I can't get along with for some reason. I feel like she is a 'know it all' who isn't on my wavelength at all.

I'm sorry that you don't get on with your dietician, and If I were you I would find another dietician as soon as possible. Its really important to work with people you respect and who respect you. Equally as important as having a therapist or counsellor that you get on with. If you dont get on with your dietician, its just going to be counter-productive. My dietician does not every give me instructions or rules, she ensures that everything comes from me - literally, by handing me the pen and making me write down my own plans and ideas!

Finally, I would urge you, if possible, to be honest with your partner. Hiding bulimia is almost as painful and damaging as the illness itself, and secrecy is its number 1 ally. Its easy to think that you'll wait until its no longer a problem...but these problems can go on for years and the sooner you open up, the sooner things can start to get better.
Even more importantly, you should be honest with your doctors. (Any episode of House is enough to realise that!) The doctor patient relationship is completely confidential, and they are there to help you not to judge you. Its just difficult for them to look after you if they don't know what's going on. In saying that, it took me a few years to actually admit to a doctor that I was purging, so I know exactly how you feel.

Hugs!!x

Okay... I understand completely. And YES overweight bulimics do exist.

I too was bulimic after my first child and quit after a couple years because I chose to not be a bulimic mother. I did not want my children to live around the disease, and possibly pass it onto them. So I quit, cold turkey and never went back (it's been 7 years). I applaud you extremely for deciding to stop and do it healthy. It will be a long, difficult road. But the benefits for not only you, but your family are far far FAR worth the effort to leave your ED in the dust.

Now to get to why you have difficulty losing even though you're bulimic, this is my long held stance:

After so many years of abusing your body, and pushing it to extremes, you've not only shut off your metabolism, and hold onto each calories, but you've exhausted your adrenal glands (Google adrenal exhaustion). When you have exhausted your adrenals it makes it IMPOSSIBLE to lose weight by starvation/extreme exercise. It will have the reverse effect on your body. NOW Every time you stress your body (with your stress response system in the constant ON position), you release massive amounts of cortisol that hold onto every calorie, and turns off fat burning.

Basically, the more you purge/starve/exercise harshly, the more you GAIN or stay the same.

The answer? You need to heal your adrenal system, and that takes time. This includes eating healthy foods at healthy calorie levels, and exercising LIGHTLY. You CANNOT focus on your weight. In fact, I suggest throwing the scale out and never weighing yourself again. SERIOUSLY. I did this years ago and I am so much happier not having a number to obsess over.

Believe me, I understand how impossible it may seem to not focus on your weight. But you need to train your brain to think in different ways/ non addictive patterns. Train it to not obsess over weight. It can be done!

Be PROUD of your body. Self acceptance is the best gift you can give yourself, and our chidlren. This is the hardest for me even to this day, but I am slowly getting better. To look in the mirror at my naked body and love it (even just like it) with all the stretch marks, love handles, and cellulite. But you know what? In another train of thought, my body also gave birth to two beautiful children. And I have quite a nice hourglass figure, and other features I like about my body. Even 7 years later I still have to refocus my thoughts to the positive, and it's harder some days, but it works.

After about a year of eating and exercising right (remember to exercise LIGHTLY) you should see a difference, and the adrenals will start to heal, though it might take more time. In this time it's important to ONLY focus on eating right and getting a little exercise. Do NOT focus on weight loss!!! Not only will it do you no good, it will reverse your attempts! When your adrenals are healthy again, you will be able to up the exercise and lose at a quicker pace. But right now, with adrenals damaged, there is NOTHING you can do to lose weight but take it easy. Reconcile yourself to relaxing for a year or two and focus on retraining your self image.

Anyway, I could go on and on. I am SO PROUD of you for making the change for yourself and your children. You can do this! BIG HUGS!