Trying to figure out if I'm BPD

I've been hanging out in the NPD forum because I score high on NPD tests I've taken. With the exception of lack of empathy and inability to feel love--which is an aspect of NPD I don't identify with. It was suggested that I think about BPD. I'm obviously not diagnosed. I've seen a great licensed social worker family therapist on and off for a couple of years and while she's helpful, she's not into the clinical stuff. I'm looking for ways to help myself and hope that understanding my behavior will give me some clues.

My background, I've always suffered from anxiety and difficulty in interpersonal relationships. I crave people and companionship but can be very antisocial. My biggest difficulties tend to be around concern for what other people are thinking of me. I tend to discount their words of affirmation (I love you, good job, you're doing great, etc) and replace them with my own negative self-talk. I am highly self critical.

I do not get violent/hostile, but tend to turn extreme anger and rage inwards. Likewise feelings of extreme sadness. I can't go long in a stable situation without becoming bored and creating drama. My biggest victim/outlet is my wife. Poor thing just wants to grow old with me and be happy but I'm always finding problems with her little remarks or behaviors and assigning great meaning to them which I turn into resentment.

I feel a cold, tight, chilling sense of loneliness in the middle of my chest when I'm alone--especially without my wife. I get very angry with her when I feel this way. Words or acts of assurance from her are helpful, but they wear off quickly and I return to feelings of being abandoned, and become very suspicious of her actions and motives.

I have struggled with addiction in a few different forms. While I don't cut myself I've described my addictive behavior as like "cutting" because I know it's pernicious and the act of indulging myself feels more like self harm than escape. Not that some escape isn't seductive too..

I identify with descriptions of BPD that say things like "if I comply with other people's requests, I risk losing myself." And "I don't know what I want." These issues are especially difficult for me right now because I'm working to reassess my relationship with my wife from a roles, responsibilities, and needs point of view, and my needs are extremely difficult for me to pinpoint, justify, and understand in relationship to what I think should be a healthy give-take in a relationship.

Basically my goal is stability. I'd like to be able to ride out storms with calm behavior. I want my wife to be able to trust in me. I want to be able to trust in myself. I'm looking for self acceptance and the ability to be "okay" with routine and peace.

Thanks for listening..