Just need to vent

I have BPD. I have had it for several years and I understand a lot about it although I am learning more everytime I 'go mad'.

This time around, an incident occured at my place of Employment. I complained about an Employee to my Manager. They told me they would be able to do something if I made a formal complaint that they would move me to a different site. I made the formal complaint and they did not move me so I haven't been back as I can't work with this collague. I haven't worked for 8 weeks.

I haven't gambled for almost a year. Tonight I busted. I went online and gambled. I lost $650 which for someone who has no income is a lot of money.

They (my Employer) have sent me off to see a GP, a Psychatrist, a back to work rehabilitation Psycholigist. They have all deemed that I am not fit to return to that work place. I am putting through a claim hoping to get paid for the last 8 weeks and for any more time that I have off here on in. I am so worried about Christmas. I have 4 Kids. I am worried about having my Car taken off me as I haven't been able to make the payments.

I'm thinking about having an affair. I have been speaking this this guy who is really bad news but I'd love to have a sexual relationship with him. There's nothing stopping this and I'm afraid that this is going to happen next time I see him.

I'm not thinking right. I see my psychologist every fortnight. I don't see her until next week. I hate this. SO much. I don't know what to do.

Hi bpdbeetle!


Rage on, my little rager! It's okay to do that here, and we're glad to listen and offer what we can.


I really think you should consider the impulsive possibility of a sexual relationship with this guy - although it probably is REALLY tempting, and may sound like a lot of fun, I'm wondering if adding this stressor to your current situation is really a sound decision to make. Ultimately, its yours to make, but I just caution you to be careful with your feelings. My thought is that everything seems really out of control right now, and that this "relationship" will give you something to control, or something to feel is "yours" to control. I find that I act impulsively when other aspects of my life are in shambles.

As for submitting a claim for your last 8 weeks - you absolutely should! Are you going to be applying for disability? This can take awhile, and it may be worth looking into emergency benefits through Disability while waiting for final determinations. If you do not have any income for the four children, I can also help you find county and state resources in your area, if that is something you are comfortable with. You can always PM me.

<3


AMP

bpdbeetle wrote:I'm thinking about having an affair. I have been speaking this this guy who is really bad news but I'd love to have a sexual relationship with him. There's nothing stopping this and I'm afraid that this is going to happen next time I see him.

Think about all your current problems that you just described, and now ask yourself, "do you really want to throw more s**t and drama into the fire?" My advice would be to end this relationship by going no contact, and deal with the problems that you currently have rather than add to them.