I just got a nudge email from someone who noticed I hadn't posted in a while so I figured I'd come here and write an update in case anyone else was worried that I haven't posted in ages.
I haven't posted mostly because I'm really REALLY busy with my career these days. But I'm also pretty darn HAPPY these days (yes... happy!).
Re. the busy: I'm now juggling two jobs while on the market working hard toward a career change and it's all going really well. I'm closer than I've ever been to achieving my career dream (full time academia) that I've been chasing for many years. I'm finally letting myself feel real hope about the light at the end of the tunnel. And my obsession with the Ex is finally over. I still peek at his FB page from time to time, but I had some real closure and no longer love, like, want him, and the tear-well has finally dried up, many months after that heartache. In the end I found myself striving toward apathy, and it worked. That, and bubble tea rewards.
Re. Teh Happy: Lots of teh happy is because of the above career developments and getting over the ex. But DBT therapy has definitely helped too. Which I have now quit. Sort of. I fired my therapist because she really wasn't that good and we both agreed I'm vastly improved since my meltdown and no longer need her. But I keep the workbooks closeby to continue reading through the resources on my own time. I didn't make it all the way through the course before running out of time, money, and patience with a mediocre therapist, but I really value the program and will come back to it as needed.
Another source of Teh Happy: best damn antidepressant match ever. Effexor is my friend. Nuff said.
From time to time I wonder if I was "really" borderline, despite testing so and having 3 therapist back to back say I was without question. Because these days I feel so calm and happy for the most part and hardly have to work at it. It's like this dark nightmare from the past... but not so distant past. And I guess it's like quitting smoking. I know I could go back to That in a heartbeat, if I give in to the negativity for too long and get back into the mental patterns I used to, so even though it doesn't even really feel like work any more to be happy and calm and functional, I know that I got here largely because of some DBT tools that really did save my life, so I'll always keep them handy Just In Case.
(my career could still fall apart at any minute, which would be a big trigger for example, and I know that, soo... yeah).
I'm good.
how are all of you????
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