Coming Out to My Family About My BPD

Today, my boyfriend told me that I should tell my grandparents about my BPD. He was telling me that they have a right to know so they can understand why I act the way I act, because a lot of times, it's very confusing. And it would resolve a lot of problems.

He was right. I had to tell them. So I decided that I would.

Welp... That turned out horrible. They go off telling me that I'm over reacting and that I don't have BPD. They tell me that I'm being overly sensitive and that I need to grow up. I'm being a spoiled brat and I am just trying to get my own way. And then that it is impossible for me to feel the way I feel because no normal person can handle that kind of stress. And that I should pray to Jesus more. They spent over 15 minutes praying, while during the prayer, it was filled with them still mocking me and talking crap (just more Jesus-like and filled with pretty words), but their attitudes were still the same.

I feel like I don't have no support system whatsoever. I cannot go to my boyfriend about it because I promised him that I would not run to him for emotional support 24/7. I just can't throw my stuff at him. I refuse to talk to our friend about it because he is tired of me and has resorted to threatening me because of five ######6 dollars (long story, that was HIS fault to begin with). I can't go to my psychologist because I just don't feel like she can handle my problems any more. And I don't know what to do.

I feel like crying my eyes out. All I wanted was for them to at least be accepting. But no, they would rather hide the problem and act like it doesn't exist. I just feel like a complete failure.

I was having a good day today. UNTIL I decided to go and follow my boyfriend's advice. Part of me want to hit him because of it, but at the same time, I know he meant well. Tomorrow, I'm going to see my boyfriend and I am going to ask him if I can make a call on his cell phone. I'm going to call the therapist. I NEED to sort this out. May my family be supportive of me or not.

The people in my family that I wanted to get support from don't want to give it. My mom thinks I'm just an oddball and that I'm fine. My sister is skeptical about it. And my grandparents think that JEZUZ is the answer, along with rubbing dirt on it and move on.

I must be a really bad person if nobody wants to support me on getting better...

A lot of people just don't seem to believe in mental illness. It's so horrible that you had to go through that My dad is similar in some respects, but much less extreme, and it's very hard to deal with.

What I will say though is that it's your psychologist's job to listen to your problems, and if they feel it is above their heads then they should refer you to someone they think can handle it. You shouldn't have to worry about professionals who are paid to listen and help with the problems you are facing.

I think you should talk to your boyfriend, even if you agreed to not run to him 24/7, because this is something important, and he needs to understand that he is part of your support system. Just because you said you wouldn't go to him every time you get upset, it doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to him about it at all. I hope you feel better soon.

Anasui wrote:They go off telling me that I'm over reacting and that I don't have BPD. They tell me that I'm being overly sensitive and that I need to grow up. I'm being a spoiled brat and I am just trying to get my own way. And then that it is impossible for me to feel the way I feel because no normal person can handle that kind of stress.

Unfortunately this is how many people view people with BPD. I wouldn't hold it against your family for not being educated enough about mental illnesses. What matters is that YOU know that the illness is real and how it affects your every day life.

I would agree with Rosemont. You need to speak you your therapist about this. That's what they're paid to be there for. They can handle it.

This is definitely something to involve your boyfriend in as well. I wouldn't smother him with it, but at least let him know what's going on and that you're having a hard time with it. Remember, black and white thinking here. It is possible for you to still talk to him AND not run to him 24/7

I promised myself that I was going to let him know the results. At first I was thinking that I should just punch him in the face for even suggesting that. But then I decided to watch some funny videos to clear my head for a bit... And I was able to think better after an hour or so. And I decided that I was just going to go up to him, and hug him. He made very good points about why I should tell them. VERY good points. I know that he was telling me that I should tell them because he felt that it would be helpful. If he knew that they would react negatively like that, then he would have just told me to not even bother...

I remember talking to them about mental health, and they have in their minds that people who are mentally ill have demons inside them and are being tormented by the devil... And I was like "God just kill me now. Kill me so I can get away from this bull sh*t". And the sad thing was, we were watching a Spanish court show (sort of like Judge Judy) where there was a woman who had DID, and my grandmother said that "It's very sad to see such a lovely person being possessed by so many demons. We should pray for her".

I'm surrounded by idiots!

All I'm seeing is invalidation.

To make it even more gear grinding, they are using their own beliefs to "solve the problem"

Sounds like a case of ignorance and invalidation.

I'm sorry Anasui, some people just seem to be set in their own ways :/

This makes me facepalm and shake my head. But hey, you tried so good on you for doing so...
Like some of the other posters said, some people just don't understand mental illness.

Hugs <3

The sad thing is, they are aware of my PTSD, and they accepted it. And I know they do because my uncle and father have it due to the wars they fought. And Mine is stemmed from abuse as a young child.

I did, however, talk to a friend of theirs who was telling them that I NEEDED to see a psychiatrist asap because I looked EXTREMELY depressed. He was the FIRST person on the outside that I didn't have much of a relationship to actually hit the nail. My family doesn't even believe I am that depressed. Just a little. He was the first one to actually be like "No, she's not just a little depressed. She looks like she might be suicidal". And he's right. I was able to tell him about my BPD a bit, and he was actually very kind and open about it. He didn't treat me like I was possessed by the devil or something like that. I felt like a human.

I pretty much don't have a support group except for the internet. I don't know... That just makes me depressed because I get the feeling that people on the internet care more about my well being than family.

Coming out with mental illness is by far the most difficult thing to do, period. My diagnosing psychologist even recomended against it when seeking a therapist!!!!
Seriously???, YES, seriously, because of all people he knew very well of the stigma and misundrstanding of mentall illness in general, but especially BPD. I was turned down by several psychologists and therapists when I sought out specific therapies for BPD! It was beyond comprehension. I did locate one who specialized in personality disorders and had a great resume', but was very invalidating as a therapist. For me in particular, when I was sooo sick but didn't know why, he told me I was making too much of it and that I needed to work harder at DBT etc. Problem was I was so exhausted I couldn't do therapy and was wasting my money and so I dropped out. Turns out I had cancer, but who knew.

So I do not disclose or discuss my BPD with anyone other than those from my DBT Therapy group, because I have found, if they haven't lived it, they really can't relate or that it takes a very special and accepting person to do so.

It is very sad, because support from family in friends is what is often prescribed for recovery, but if they are invalidating it is a trigger and therefore a detriment and not a help. Be careful to whom you disclose this dx!

I pretty much don't have a support group except for the internet. I don't know... That just makes me depressed because I get the feeling that people on the internet care more about my well being than family.

I think it is easier for us to empathise, care, and offer advice because we often go through the same or similar things. The way your family has behaved shouldn't be excused because they refuse to educate themselves and are being very unsupportive, but I think it's probably near to impossible to change their beliefs now, and older generations are often less accepting. It does seem strange that they are willing to be supportive of your PTSD diagnosis but not BPD - why would they believe in one mental illness and not another (very closely linked) one?

I had a conversation with my mum about it today and she said that sometimes she gets angry and upset because she just doesn't understand how I can feel and act the way I do when I don't seem to have a reason for being the way I am. I guess for families there is always an element of guilt or self blame; they worry that they did something wrong that caused the illness (and sometimes that is the case), but she also said she doesn't like me talking to people online about it because she feels it it encourages me or puts ideas in my head. I was so angry at how invalidating that is, and I said that if I had another illness and went to a support group for that to share experiences with people of the same illness (such as cancer) then she wouldn't say things like that, and she said 'I guess it's easier to accept it when it's physical', which just shows what sort of stigma and misunderstanding is attached to this sort of thing

Anyway I'm rambling, but I think you shouldn't write off your internet support system tbh, I know it can seem sad that your family and irl friends aren't the same way as your online friends, but I'm just really thankful that I have the internet in the first place to help connect me to people who are in the same boat, because I honestly can't imagine how much more isolated I would feel otherwise, and after all we are still real people behind our computer screens

Honestly, if I didn't have some sort of support, like over here, I think I would have just gone crazy.

I think the reason why they don't want to accept it is because they don't want to think that something is seriously wrong. Especially because here where I live, I would be labeled as being too difficult and over emotional... Basically a spoiled brat.

Although I would rather they believe what they think than just blaming it on my mom...

Anasui wrote: They go off telling me that I'm over reacting and that I don't have BPD.

Long term exposure to people who constantly invalidate your feelings = hello BPD.